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Video Games Suck: RPG Reviews

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God's Zombie Savior: LRFF13 Review
RPG Reviewstibbs writes "HAVE YOU HEARD THE GOOD WORD ABOUT OUR LORD GOD SQUARE ENIX? If not, they'll be happy to tell you through Lightning, the time-sensitive fashion model Savior who comes to spread the good word about God in exchange for your soul! All this and more in Lightning Returns: Final Fantasy XIII!"
Posted by suislide on Wednesday, May 14 @ 19:29:48 EDT (16459 Views)
(Read More... | 5246 bytes more | 8 comments | Score: 3)
South Park: The Stick of Truth
RPG ReviewsI remember long ago when I was a wee strapping young lad playing some South Park games. THEY WERE ALL FUCKING TERRIBLE. Literally, ruined my childhood. I remember this one for the PSX that was some turkey shooter. That was the gaming equivalent of being raped by a catholic priest when you are a little boy. Anyways, so lo and behold when we find out that Obsidian and Matt and Trey are working directly on this game because they were tired of all the shitty fucking cash grabs that they released. Well thank fucking science because this game is pretty fucking good. It's not particularly deep, long or not cliche but what it fucking does, it does really well. READ THE REVIEW FUCKER.
Posted by suislide on Monday, March 24 @ 19:38:37 EDT (17799 Views)
(Read More... | 4830 bytes more | 20 comments | Score: 3.75)
Amnesia: A Machine for Pigs
RPG ReviewscBox writes "I've been waiting for this game for 2 years now, and this is what I get? A downgraded hollow husk of Amnesia? This game has redefined simplification. Apparently The Chinese Room, the same people who made Dear Esther, took charge on this game and decided to remove fucking everything that made the first game, well, a game."
Posted by suislide on Friday, September 13 @ 17:50:40 EDT (11991 Views)
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Shadowrun Returns
RPG ReviewsI never played the one first but all I do remember of Shadowrun is that fucking awful first person shooter that came out in 2007. That game was a pile of fucking dogshit. Well apparently, the people who originally made Shadowrun had nothing to do with it, then they made this kickstarter to make a new RPG. So they made this RPG for a mere 1.8 million dollars which is fucking nothing but this game is alright. Its fairly cheap and fun to play but lacks some of the depth that I am sure most people were expecting. Anyways, read more so I can explain this shit in more detail.
Posted by Suislide on Saturday, August 17 @ 10:10:23 EDT (5274 Views)
(Read More... | 5054 bytes more | 9 comments | Score: 4)
Guild Wars 2
RPG ReviewsI enjoyed the first Guild Wars because the PVP was pretty awesome and game was a departure from the standard MMO bullshit with a low level cap, and being able to mix all the classes. Guild Wars 2 takes a completely fucking different direction and brings back all the generic MMO bullshit, and I have no idea why the fuck they did! The game isn't terrible, it is fairly well-done in most aspects, however, I doubt it will last very long. Read on you fucking cocksuckers.
Posted by Suislide on Tuesday, September 18 @ 21:54:30 EDT (4563 Views)
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Quick Review: Game of Thrones
RPG ReviewsThis game is fucking bad. We are talking Stage 4 Terminal Cancer bad. I don't think I have ever played such a piss poor fucking game since Dungeon Lords. The reason I am calling this is a quick review is because I only played the game for 30 minutes. It was that fucking terrible that I could not go on any longer. Apparently this shit heap was in development for over 5 years as well from what I read. Why the fuck would a game with such a long development time suck so much dick is beyond the grasp of any human. So read my quick review of this game.
Posted by Suislide on Saturday, May 26 @ 14:04:51 EDT (5776 Views)
(Read More... | 3261 bytes more | 38 comments | Score: 3.35)
Legend of Grimrock
RPG ReviewsSorry for the delay, faggots. I've been moving and just changed jobs. I went from a whiny teenage faggot to become an adult and I still write these reviews because unlike IGN, I'm dedicated to honesty over money. Anyways, Legend of Grimrock was released and it is fucking AWESOME. It is an old-school styled dungeon crawler similiar to Stonekeep and it is a fucking fantastic game filled with awesome puzzles and good design, with damn good graphics to boot. Read my fucking review you pansies.
Posted by Suislide on Wednesday, May 09 @ 23:19:36 EDT (4953 Views)
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Kingdoms of Amalur: The Reckoning
RPG ReviewsI was pretty pumped for this game looking from the previews. I was thinking to myself, OH GEE GOLLY, a fucking action RPG with a somewhat unique leveling system in a new world created by someone! Imagine my fucking disappointment once I sunk into this turd canoe and floated down the river of shit. I should have expected nothing less from the failure that is Electronic Arts, but I still held my hopes high and what I got was the most generic by the numbers, easy ass Action RPG. You should keep reading for my insanely witty and highly informative reviews because unlike the rest of the websites that rated this game, I was NOT PAID OFF by EA like everyone else.
Posted by Suislide on Wednesday, February 15 @ 21:11:24 EST (10909 Views)
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Star Wars: The Old Republic
RPG ReviewsThe ending of Bioware began with Dragon Age 2, which everyone was simply hoping was a fluke. NOT SO. That was just the beginning of the end, Star Wars: The Old Republic is the final blow that Bioware will recieve and hopefully it will be shitty enough to take down EA as well. They sunk a huge amount of money into this turd in hopes to be as successful as WoW thinking that the Star Wars franchise would be enough to keep them afloat. Unfortunately for them, people are tired of the same boring stale ass dick cheese that these companies have been deliverance. So read on about Star Wars: The Old Republic, and how it is the biggest failure since the Titanic!
Posted by Suislide on Wednesday, January 18 @ 17:32:52 EST (72114 Views)
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The Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim
RPG ReviewsSo the next Elder Scrolls is out and considering the fuck up that was Oblivion (I hereby rescind my old review score and change it to a six, the game has to be the worst aging game in the history of games), Todd Howard comes back lying better than ever and releases the next Elder Scrolls game. I can say that it is a huge fucking improvement upon Oblivion from the graphics, animations, environments, city design, as well as quests. It, however, has some major problems too with balancing and RPG elements which, of course, Bethesda fucked up and now we have to wait for mods to fix the game again. It is a good game that is marred by some glaring flaws which could easily be fixed by PLAY TESTING THE FUCKING GAME FIRST. Anyways, read on, faggots.
Posted by Suislide on Monday, November 28 @ 15:51:37 EST (8632 Views)
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Would you fuck Zelda Williams now that Robin Williams is dead?

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