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Posted on Tuesday, November 03 @ 23:11:06 EST by Suislide
RPG ReviewsGearbox decided to take a break from making the shit that is Brothers in Arms and decides to release a real game! Holy shit, it is fucking fun! The game is like a mix of Fallout 3 and Diablo and it fills my nutsack with glee. It is a FPS/RPG combo with 4 different classes to choose from and includes the ever necessary function of coop. So now I get to blow the shit out of people in a gory mess with my friends. Of course I have about five billion friends because they line up around the block to hang out with me. Only the people that pay the most get to even grace my presence. Hot Women get in for free though, and then I give them AIDS. Anyways, Gearbox hit the fucking nail on the head with this game.

Graphics: The first thing that you notice is not that the game cell-shaded...but rather it's another fucking game using the Unreal Engine 3 and suffers from the same texture-pop in. Although, they tried to cover it up in this game by having the textures fade in instead of just popping in. Will someone fucking fix this already? Anyways the graphics are pretty good looking sporting some huge ass environments and good scenary. The game takes place on the world called Pandora which is a giant fucking post-apocalyptic wasteland. Everything is a heaping pile of garbage. But the graphics are really unique with, unique looking main characters too. The models are all really well designed and quite humorous and cartoony as well. In essence, the fucking art design in this game is GOOD. The vending machines are designed like cheap ass advertisements, and everything basic seems like stuff you would really find in the world here. The main characters are all well designed and very cool looking from TK Baha, to Tannis or Scooter. Some of the levels are bigger than my gigantic dick. There are huge ass areas to explore and some of them just have massive draw distances (probably not on the FAGGOT XBOX) and are filled with detailed. Every area has a unique look to it but still fits within the trash ridden theme of the post apocalyptic world. Basically, the graphics are fucking good and if you disagree, you are probably a cock sucking faggot. It's the Art Design which makes this game look good. The nice part is there are a TON of different weapon models and colors which makes it not seem like you are using the same piece of shit weapon over and over. The levels are all unique and designed pretty damn well.

Sound: The dialog in this game is fucking funny. Scooter, Tannis, and the Claptraps are by far the funniest characters in a video game in a long time. The Claptraps are always dancing. The voice acting is really well done with each character sounding unique and really fit the character well. Scooter wants to kill a man because he ruined his mom's girly parts and the conversations Tannis has with herself as she starts going more and more insane are fucking class. They should just shoot everyone else who writes dialog in a firing line and just hire the people who wrote for this game. It's about fucking time we had some decent writers. The music is pretty good as well except that sometimes it seems more like ambient noise and it's gets fucking more repetitive then the number of times I masturbate in a day. The weapons all sound great and there is a shitload of different sounds for all the different weapons. Also, it's great when my character shouts "CRITICAL BITCH". It really gets out that ghetto black man attitude I've been trying to portray my whole life. Point is, the sound is fucking good in all aspects especially the writing. The humor is this game is dark and fucking funny.

Gameplay: This game is basically a cross between Diablo and Fallout 3. It is a first person RPG with good fucking combat. Basically you choose from one of four different classes, soldier, hunter, siren and some other bullshit berserker. I chose solider mainly due to needing that ghetto attitude that represents my personality. Each character has a different skill tree that they can specialize in to get better at different weapons. Also, the more you use a certain weapon...the actually literally you get better at it as your weapon skills level up giving you more accuracy. Anyways, just like any RPG there is main quests and side quests and they are all equally as fun. Especially if you are playing with friends, but you probably don't have friends because you are a loser reading this website. You can go through the main quest blasting the shit out of everything but there is also fun ass side quests to do blowing up shit, or gathering money to buy better weapons. There is a billion different weapons to pick up all with different attributes based upon the manufacturer who makes them. The combat in this game is fucking fun in that you get health/shield and blow the shit out of enemies. They all have different levels so they can be tough, but nothing is funner than blowing someone into a bunch of fucking bloody chunks with a shotgun. I also got a shotgun that shoots rockets but it sucked elephant balls. There are different vendors around that you can buy weapons/ammo/shields/and upgrades from. Another sweet fucking part is there is a billion different types of grenades in this game. Nothing beats a fucking bouncing betty when you are looking to wreck someone's shit. There are also vehicles you can use to run some mother fuckers down as they pop like grapes on your vehicle. Nothing beats the Co-Op in this game when you are friend are fucking people up, completing the quests. The game works great as a single player but when you play with your friend it's a fucking blast. The combat is simple and fun where you simple blow away enemies in your path, tons of different weapons, good humor, and fun quests make this game fucking CLASS.

Story: Ok, here is where this game dropped the fucking ball. The whole time you are on Pandora you are looking for this Vault. So the whole game revolves are this big fucking mystery on the what the fuck is in the vault as it may be some good shit. You need keys however to get into the vault and you go around collecting them. However, you finally get them all and they get stolen. This bitch opens the vault and gets killed by a huge fucking demon with you blow the shit out of. Seriously, I wrecked his shit. And then the vault fucking closes and the bitch guiding you tells you that you did great. It's just like WHAT THE FUCK. THE WHOLE GAME WAS BASED AROUND THE FUCKING VAULT, THE MYSTERY AND TENSION WERE AROUND IT...THEN YOU DON'T EVEN TELL ME WHATS IN THE FUCKING THING? Who the fuck does that? Why the fuck would I want to know the story if I don't get to find out what the big fucking mystery is? Fuck that shit. Everything but the story in this game is great.

Fun FPS/RPG Combat with good coop but a story that will make you shoot yourself in the face 8.5/10

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Re: Borderlands (Score: 1)
by craterface on Wednesday, November 04 @ 07:01:23 EST
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watch it from 1:46.
it looks like these kanine-like enemies has the ai of a fence post.

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