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Crysis 3
Posted on Thursday, March 07 @ 21:55:49 EST by Suislide
FPS reviewsHoly shit, I feel like its back in the old days when they pushed graphics and nothing fucking else about the game. Crysis is back, unfortunately, and what started out as an awesome game (Crysis 1) turned swiftly into a pile of garbage worse than the rotting corpses of the newton school children. Crysis 3 is basically Crysis 2 all over again, but this time with a fucking BOW...not just any fucking bow, but A NANOTECH MAXIMUM BOW. Anyways, EA and Crytek have officially put this franchise into the grave with another mediocre pile of garbage. Click the Read More button, you asshole.

Ok, so let's get this right out from the fucking bat, the game is graphically fucking amazing. The game definitely has the best graphics out there compared to any other game. The environments are somewhat large and filled with tons of detail, high resolution textures, and all sorts of post processing effects. You have to be snorting marijuana to think this game looks bad. The number one thing that stands out the most about the graphics, however, is the faces. Psycho's face (while totally fucking different) and that one doctor that you meet, look absolutely fucking amazing. The detail and facial animations and simply impeccable. The animations are pretty solid all around from the enemies movement, to weapon firing and everything else. The only thing that pisses me off is some of the fucking animations are rehashed from the previous. Anyways, the environments are also pretty impressive as you in New York City (again for some fucking reason) as you go from huge open fields filled with vegetation, to this giant fucking dam that explodes and the water flows out. Pretty much the graphics are fucking impeccable in this game, so lets all move on.

Moving on to the gameplay, it's the SAME FUCKING GAME AS TWO. You play as Prophet who I guess is infused with Alcatraz's body in the magical nano-suit and psycho saves you from Cell. Then basically, you and Psycho go around to stop some bullshit called the Alpha Ceph. GREAT STORY. Moving along, the gameplay is basically the same as the last time and barely feels any different. The controls are pretty much identical, suit powers are identical (and just as lackluster as two was). What the fuck happened to the REAL speed mode when I went fucking flying across the map? Or the strength mode that allowed me to reduce weapon recoil and punch through buildings? Well it's still fucking gone. Now you just run into arena like levels and walk around shooting Cell operatives and later on in the games, boring ass aliens. The gameplay doesn't offer ANYTHING new and just follows the play it safe route the whole game through. The shooting, weapons, etc...all the fucking same and the AI is just as abysmal as last time. The only real new thing you get gameplay wise is a fucking blow which is boring to use and utterly useless. YEAH, LETS USE A FUCKING BOW WHEN I HAVE AUTOMATIC WEAPONS THAT A MILLION TIMES MORE POWERFUL. It is a stupid fucking trend that all these games are buying into, which is why you fucking see it in Tomb Raider, Far Cry 3 and now this. It's a terrible medival weapon that sucks dick nowdays. At minimum, use some fucking tactical crossbow or some stupid shit like that. Anyways, moving on the gameplay is just more of the same boring bullshit that we got in the previous game. Literally, NOTHING feels any different and nothing is improved upon at all. Oh except, you get some level up suit powers that barely do shit.

So now that we know that the gameplay is same shitty stuff as before, you are probably wondering how madly retarded the story got. Well, PRETTY FUCKING RETARDED IS THE ANSWER. As I told you previously, you just search around for this Alpha Ceph and then everyone gets all scared because you can use aliens weapons. WHO GIVES A FUCK. Apparently it is because the Nano suit was made from Ceph technology. HOLD THE FUCKING PHONE, HOW DOES THIS MAKE ANY SENSE. No one knew about the fucking aliens until the Koreans accidentally released them in the first. I was always under the impression that the suit was just high-grade military technology that gave you an extreme edge in combat, not that is was some fucking magical alien technology that can use a walking corpse to fight people. If the suit is made from alien fucking technology, then why the Koreans have shitty versions of it in the first game? How come the Cell agents dont fucking use it so they can stop you? Anyways, so the stupid ass story continues until you kill the boring ass Alpha Ceph who is beaming aliens into the world. WOW SO MOVING. Then Prophet floats out into fucking space and blows up the Ceph with some big weapon, THEN FALLS BACK TO EARTH NEAR THE ISLAND IN THE FIRST GAME. How fucking convenient. Then all the sudden the suit morphs his fucking face back into Prophet through OOGA BOOGA MAGIC. Then Psycho kills some of the Cell operatives and the game ends. The worst fucking part is that half the cutscenes are unskippable so you are forced to listen to this bullshit go into your ears. Everyone knows this writing is shit, at least let me skip past it and get back to the fucking gameplay.

So there you have Crysis 3 in a nutshell, the same fucking gameplay, more retarded ass story elements and nothing really new to speak of besides the awesome fucking graphics. This game is the very definition of mediocre Michael Bay, Applebees garbage.


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Re: Crysis 3 (Score: 1)
by zachofat ( on Friday, March 08 @ 00:50:03 EST
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Totally called it. How many 3's are EA going to ruin before people fucking revolt? Mass Effect, Command and Conquer, Dead Space, Battlefield (good, but very consolized), and much more, im sure. EA is a cancer to gaming and should be fucking shut down. You might say "Oh well they only published these games" but they obviously ruined it, there is no way the developers would've ruined otherwise amazing series. Fuck EA.

[ Reply to This ]

Re: Crysis 3 (Score: 0)
by Anonymous on Friday, March 08 @ 21:26:09 EST
there you have it.
this game proves that mainstream video games are pure shit nowdays.
who cares about the graphics, i can't salute the developers for that since it's 2013 now, that can be expected with the progress of technology. Yeah, so since we got better hardwares, we can raise the polygon count wow...
But the content is what needs creativity to be good. And look at this, they managed to fuck it up even while having much more possibilities that for example 10 years ago.

wow it's 2013, now i can see that pile of shit in true HD.. so does that make it less shittier? nope. it's just even more shameful if you ask me.

[ Reply to This ]

OneThousandNegoPeenors (Score: 0)
by Anonymous on Saturday, March 09 @ 08:12:35 EST
This is what happens when you let Jews make video games.
Games are now made for drunk white trash with an IQ of about 90; too stupid to understand quality, just smart enough not to wander into traffic. This faggot fest is a pile of gay gangbang sperm blown out of Crytek's worthless asshole. If you even remotely like this game you are a f-f-f-f-faggot.

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Re: Crysis 3 (Score: 0)
by Anonymous on Saturday, March 09 @ 08:38:38 EST
Cryostasis was awesome Crysis sucked.

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Re: Crysis 3 (Score: 0)
by Anonymous on Sunday, March 10 @ 10:16:09 EDT
"and the AI is just as abysmal as last time"

worse then Deus Ex 3 or Assass Creed 2 ?

[ Reply to This ]

I did a Tomb "Rider" 2013 Review. Who wants it? It needs Editing. (Score: 1)
by BLOME (BLOME@UNIVERSALTesticleCruncherGamingIndustry.loot) on Monday, March 11 @ 12:31:26 EDT
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I posted a Tomb Raider 2013 review, and dissed Suislide hard core in it too concerning some of his softy antics about his past reviews and HALO fanboyism. It was meant to entertain and everyone Farted while I blew Jizz out of my jeans while spinning the Keyboard on my boner as I played Lara Crotch the Tomb Rider. However, apparently the @ssholes here need to OK your review before they post it up. I sent a message to the 'Eh'nal ring Counter named Suislide and never even got a reply. Apparently the message is still in my outBox. So while this site is good and I am all anti Bullshit video games, IGN, Gamespot, GameSpy, GameTrailers, UBISOFTCAWK, EA, CRYPET, and all the rest, of these Aholes, your Freedom of speech is limited here because they need to read it before you can submit it. SO a BIG F U Suislide. Be a Man. Do what you do best. Diss BIOWHORES and Their Mass Defect 3. Have some Balls even after I administered you in that Review I wrote with a massive Galactical Size Butthole Planet Cracker liQuid nitro Space Jizz... You Pussay! But I do agree with you on a lot of stuff. END Coffee Break.

[ Reply to This ]

Hear Ye Hear Ye - Huge GAYLORD Troll Post. But I provide! (Score: 1)
by BLOME (BLOME@UNIVERSALTesticleCruncherGamingIndustry.loot) on Monday, March 11 @ 12:45:19 EDT
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Modern Video Games are for Phaggots and as much as prostitute loves to spend her money on Education, that's about as much as I like to Troll these SuperFanFaggots. Yeah, I'm gonna buy a NEW PC with DirectX 69 to Play this in my Butthole while I sit on the Shitter with a New Windows 8 Faglet PC. I would rather play a Side Scroller or a Top Down scroller where I run around Tattooing virgins and installing NippleRings on their Clits while banging bubonic monkeys with a feather Duster / Spanker. BULLSHIT. And the supreme Master Fag Suislide just gave this a 5 out of 10. Apparenly he has never been to New York because he is too busy Swimming the Mississippi river looking for PAWGS all while a telescopic confederate flag is sticking out of his arse so he can see what's above the water. Whatever happened to when Gaming was FUN? Every single God Damn game is about Killing this and That. Zombies, Humans, Aliens. Seriously??? These games are like a 5 hour long movie. Then on top of that, the gaming industry has the balls to lie to GayLord phaggots who believe the lies that the Gaming industry is bigger than Movies. The Movie industry is NOT HollyViagaraWood. Ok? Gaming is primarily for phaggots with a low IQ who want to run around thinking they can handle real weapons and take more falls than Lara Crotch and speak more than Isaac in DeadGays 3. Everything about Video Games pisses me off. And for all you IDIOTS spending so much money to buy powerful PCs for this shit, why don't you just give me your Money and I'll provide you with 1 day so entertaining that your DNA will remember it long after the Human species wipes itself out in its fart smell moment of existence in this Universe.
I could go on and on, but I am sure I have more shit to do and then I will have a Milk Shake from these video Phaggors mom's Tits with Ice, cool off and come back to Cook some more Troll Juice right here. Or as they say in Russia...PISS is just time to Masturbate before and after a War. PISS I mean Peace. You damn Chitters.

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Re: Crysis 3 (Score: 0)
by Anonymous on Monday, March 11 @ 19:52:29 EDT
so as I was sayin before some lo-life hijacked the topic:

"and the AI is just as abysmal as last time"

worse then Deus Ex 3 or Assass Creed 2 ?

(TY Microsoft for copy paste)

[ Reply to This ]

A more reasonable explanation... (Score: 1)
by BLOME (BLOME@UNIVERSALTesticleCruncherGamingIndustry.loot) on Tuesday, March 12 @ 21:31:53 EDT
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I dont' have a way to delete my posts and place them correctly. This was my reply to SUISLIDE, but I would like everyone to know the reason for some of my behavior in the past few days. I hope it made a lot of you laugh, but here is why I did it.
SUISLIDE: You are right. I am coming across this way and I'll tell you why. I am disgusted by the state of gaming today. But perhaps looking from another point of view...Maybe I grew out of it a long time ago, and am just coming to realize it. I and many others like me, want something new. Our abilities change. Thought processes change. Expectations change. Maturity sets in with the Truth about reality of the world we live in, and then some of us tend to lash out at the sorry ass fantasy world Video games put us in (which is their purpose to begin with), which a child or a teenager can enjoy because their thought process is not developed to the same extent as ours. It's like we did what ever as kids, then we grew up, and realized our parents were right about Video games. Too much was no good for us. But it was the video games that raised expectations, and caused me to investigate more, look into corners, crevices, nooks, for information and open my mind to things. The content that caused me to want to gain more knowledge is the same content I am now angry with because it stayed STILL and I moved on. Maybe because it's targetted to an audience with an under developed thought process. The audience that are "Know it all". Kids. Teens. So I offer a sincere apology for my behavior because my expectations are so high. Video games may say "Adult Content" but its the same old immature bore they provide. Same story lines. Good Guy vs Bad Guy. Cops vs Drug Dealers. Sexually Repressed vs Hookers. No in between. And when there is, its loaded with shitty cookie cutters.
I am literally just tired. I am hooked on something I want better and better each time, but it gets worse and worse. In the end, I just wanted to take a Troll Pen and write all over the wall with it. So I found this place to vent it. That was all. But there is certainly a lot of truth to how it is. There should be a new way to judge Content. Based on Mental Maturity. Rather than age. A game for Adults might still be juvenile for someone like me. It may not offer me the depth or thought I am seeking to fulfill or ratify within. All I know is, I am utterly fed up of it and I refuse to buy in to the hype now. Heck I will take a shitty movie like Avatar over a top selling video game. Are the masses being MADE into fools? Or are they just foolish to begin with? Do SALES tell the truth? Or is it the Marketing and PR? I think its both. Both the Content GIVER and the Content Receiver are to blame. Because the Giver will make not what sells, but what he can CONVINCE others that it can be sold. And the Receiver who shall be easily Convinced and Fooled.
I appreciate sites such as this, and if given the opportunity, I would be willing to write more when I have time, and to teach the Masses not to BUY into PR and Marketting. To educate themselves. To demand better than a Call of Duty XYZ.

[ Reply to This ]

Re: Crysis 3 (Score: 0)
by Anonymous on Thursday, March 14 @ 00:55:51 EDT
I want to know what fucking bizarro world you live on where the first Crysis was a good game. That game sucked more ass than a Dutch porn star - on release it was bugged out as fuck. I remember being stuck at the point where you're supposed to be attacked by North Koreans wearing their own ghetto-ass nano suits, BUT THE FUCKSTICKS NEVER FUCKING APPEARED. On multiple occasions I had to download other people's saved games to get past points where the game would glitch out and flat-out refuse to progress. I just flat-out gave up on Crysis and to this day I've never even fucking finished it.

There are times when I think the internet is easily the worst thing that has happened to gaming, as developers just flat out don't give half a fuck about quality assurance anymore. "Who cares if the game doesn't fucking work, we'll deal with that after release."

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Re: Crysis 3 (Score: 0)
by Anonymous on Friday, March 15 @ 18:37:10 EDT
Hey Suislide you say the AI is abyssal but havent you realized that ALL FPS have bad AI?

I mean can you prove me wrong and cite even 1 FPS that got good AI?
(and dont say 'FEAR' cause that one only had special designed maps & corridors that made the AI LOOK advanced)

fact is no FPS has realistic AI since that would require way to much CPU power. so its technically impossible to implement - ITS BEYOND TODAYS TECHNOLOGY

[ Reply to This ]

  • Re: Crysis 3 by Anonymous on Friday, March 15 @ 20:16:40 EDT
    • Re: Crysis 3 by Anonymous on Friday, March 15 @ 22:08:13 EDT
    • Re: Crysis 3 by Anonymous on Friday, March 15 @ 22:12:16 EDT
      • Re: Crysis 3 by Anonymous on Sunday, March 17 @ 17:41:59 EDT
  • Re: Crysis 3 by Suislide on Saturday, March 16 @ 19:04:00 EDT

Re: Crysis 3 (Score: 0)
by Anonymous on Sunday, March 31 @ 10:58:06 EDT
I'm dying to know your opinion of Tomb Raider, it looks like a piece of shit but I wonder what do you think about it. So please, make a review.

[ Reply to This ]

  • Re: Crysis 3 by Anonymous on Sunday, March 31 @ 20:11:51 EDT
    • Re: Crysis 3 by Anonymous on Monday, April 01 @ 19:58:51 EDT

Re: Crysis 3 (Score: 0)
by Anonymous on Saturday, June 18 @ 14:31:38 EDT
guys if u want to enjoy life and games more just stop jerking off to porn

go to and people have been cured of their emotional issues and also they get women after they stopped masturbating and/or looking at porno.

[ Reply to This ]

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