Date: Thursday, March 07 @ 21:55:49 EST
Topic: FPS reviews
Holy shit, I feel like its back in the old days when they pushed graphics and nothing fucking else about the game. Crysis is back, unfortunately, and what started out as an awesome game (Crysis 1) turned swiftly into a pile of garbage worse than the rotting corpses of the newton school children. Crysis 3 is basically Crysis 2 all over again, but this time with a fucking BOW...not just any fucking bow, but A NANOTECH MAXIMUM BOW. Anyways, EA and Crytek have officially put this franchise into the grave with another mediocre pile of garbage. Click the Read More button, you asshole.
Ok, so let's get this right out from the fucking bat, the game is graphically fucking amazing. The game definitely has the best graphics out there compared to any other game. The environments are somewhat large and filled with tons of detail, high resolution textures, and all sorts of post processing effects. You have to be snorting marijuana to think this game looks bad. The number one thing that stands out the most about the graphics, however, is the faces. Psycho's face (while totally fucking different) and that one doctor that you meet, look absolutely fucking amazing. The detail and facial animations and simply impeccable. The animations are pretty solid all around from the enemies movement, to weapon firing and everything else. The only thing that pisses me off is some of the fucking animations are rehashed from the previous. Anyways, the environments are also pretty impressive as you in New York City (again for some fucking reason) as you go from huge open fields filled with vegetation, to this giant fucking dam that explodes and the water flows out. Pretty much the graphics are fucking impeccable in this game, so lets all move on.
Moving on to the gameplay, it's the SAME FUCKING GAME AS TWO. You play as Prophet who I guess is infused with Alcatraz's body in the magical nano-suit and psycho saves you from Cell. Then basically, you and Psycho go around to stop some bullshit called the Alpha Ceph. GREAT STORY. Moving along, the gameplay is basically the same as the last time and barely feels any different. The controls are pretty much identical, suit powers are identical (and just as lackluster as two was). What the fuck happened to the REAL speed mode when I went fucking flying across the map? Or the strength mode that allowed me to reduce weapon recoil and punch through buildings? Well it's still fucking gone. Now you just run into arena like levels and walk around shooting Cell operatives and later on in the games, boring ass aliens. The gameplay doesn't offer ANYTHING new and just follows the play it safe route the whole game through. The shooting, weapons, etc...all the fucking same and the AI is just as abysmal as last time. The only real new thing you get gameplay wise is a fucking blow which is boring to use and utterly useless. YEAH, LETS USE A FUCKING BOW WHEN I HAVE AUTOMATIC WEAPONS THAT A MILLION TIMES MORE POWERFUL. It is a stupid fucking trend that all these games are buying into, which is why you fucking see it in Tomb Raider, Far Cry 3 and now this. It's a terrible medival weapon that sucks dick nowdays. At minimum, use some fucking tactical crossbow or some stupid shit like that. Anyways, moving on the gameplay is just more of the same boring bullshit that we got in the previous game. Literally, NOTHING feels any different and nothing is improved upon at all. Oh except, you get some level up suit powers that barely do shit.
So now that we know that the gameplay is same shitty stuff as before, you are probably wondering how madly retarded the story got. Well, PRETTY FUCKING RETARDED IS THE ANSWER. As I told you previously, you just search around for this Alpha Ceph and then everyone gets all scared because you can use aliens weapons. WHO GIVES A FUCK. Apparently it is because the Nano suit was made from Ceph technology. HOLD THE FUCKING PHONE, HOW DOES THIS MAKE ANY SENSE. No one knew about the fucking aliens until the Koreans accidentally released them in the first. I was always under the impression that the suit was just high-grade military technology that gave you an extreme edge in combat, not that is was some fucking magical alien technology that can use a walking corpse to fight people. If the suit is made from alien fucking technology, then why the Koreans have shitty versions of it in the first game? How come the Cell agents dont fucking use it so they can stop you? Anyways, so the stupid ass story continues until you kill the boring ass Alpha Ceph who is beaming aliens into the world. WOW SO MOVING. Then Prophet floats out into fucking space and blows up the Ceph with some big weapon, THEN FALLS BACK TO EARTH NEAR THE ISLAND IN THE FIRST GAME. How fucking convenient. Then all the sudden the suit morphs his fucking face back into Prophet through OOGA BOOGA MAGIC. Then Psycho kills some of the Cell operatives and the game ends. The worst fucking part is that half the cutscenes are unskippable so you are forced to listen to this bullshit go into your ears. Everyone knows this writing is shit, at least let me skip past it and get back to the fucking gameplay.
So there you have Crysis 3 in a nutshell, the same fucking gameplay, more retarded ass story elements and nothing really new to speak of besides the awesome fucking graphics. This game is the very definition of mediocre Michael Bay, Applebees garbage.