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Red Dead Redemption
Posted on Thursday, May 20 @ 19:43:03 EDT by Suislide
Action Game ReviewsRhompus writes "Yeah i said it. This game sucks my balls. Its a horrible concoction of a)shit rockstar has used before, and b) boring. Almost nothing... excuse me... NOTHING is revolutionary about this game; and anyone who thinks this game deserves Game of the Year let alone a 10/10 needs to swallow some buckshot. Allow me to continue...

Graphics- Shit. Just straight fecal matter. Oh you think otherwise? Play a PS3 game from like 2 years ago. Play Yakuza 3. Play Uncharted 2. Graphics aren't even comparable. 'But oh its non-exclusive, for the Xbox too!!11!, thats why it sucks' FUCK OFF. Mass Effect looked better. MASS EFFECT 1 LOOKED BETTER. 'But in HD it looks ghud!' Once again, fanboy, ANYTHING IN HD looks good. Find a Crack whore and an HD camera and you'll be goin "hmm looks damn good to me" before you realize its a crackwhore.

Also everything looks the same. Towns look the same. Landscape, the same.

IGN's judgment: "fantastic art direction: 9.5". SUCK MY LUMPY BALLS.

Sound- Actually not bad. When i gave a shit. Which wasn't very often. The dialog is more often than not a horrible snoozefest. And not only that it doesn't mean shit whether or not you listen to it. 'BUT OH HES GOT AN IRISH ACCENT' so the fuck what? ok hes irish? does this have ANYTHING to do with the plot of the story? NOO!!!. To be fair, it doesn't necessarily need to have anything to do with the story. But good voice acting is fucking worthless if the story is more empty than a 14 yr old's box of kleenex. Guns sound like guns, revolutionary i know.

IGN mentions the soundtrack, and although it is interesting at times, THEY FUCKING STOLE IT. Its not original AT ALL. Look at the soundtrack from another rockstar game 'Bully'. Same shit. Same music. Maybe changed like .2% of the notes to make them sound more westerney.

IGN's Judgment: "Superb voice acting and wonderful soundtrack: 10". Once again, suck a dick.

Gameplay- This is the worst part. Im not gonna be the first to notice this, hell even IGN mentioned it, but this game IS MINDFUCKINGLY EASY. Auto-target is a joke. I shoot faggots from MILES away with ease. As if it weren't easy enough, they also give you dead-eye, which they sorta stole from another rockstar game, Max Payne. So now you never lose. Armed with this knowledge, the game becomes boredom town, population 0, because by now, you've killed yourself.

Quests are also a bag of vomit. Who the fuck thought rounding up cattle is a fun part of this game?? Or using a lasso. 'BUT OH ITS ALL WESTERNEY NOW' stfu. Its all repetitive bullshit. Do this, kill a bunch of these fags, RIDE WITH ME TO A LOCATION 14 MILES AWAY, find some treasure, round up cattle, save my love interest, etc. Literally 95% of the quests have NOTHING to do with the story, but ill get into that later.

Be prepared to do nothing but travel with Red Dead. In fact, most of the game your either A)riding to a quest B) Riding with some goon to do a quest or C) Finding a location to hang yourself. In Fact, i had my mom check on my in my basement throughout my playtime. And on 13 of those 17 check up times, I WAS FUCKING RIDING SOMEWHERE. Warning: Be prepared to get to a quest location, then the quest is to ride elsewhere, then back. ENJOY! There are some 'side things' like gather PLANTS, and SHOOT SHIT. But only the mightiest of homos do this.

Multiplayer is garbage. Play Uncharted 2. More customization, and fun. Seriously its fucking horrible. I kinda wish i threw a grenade into a delivery room instead of attempting Red Dead's multiplayer.

IGN: "Great variety, great combat, and a great multiplayer mode" LOLOLOL.

Presentation- Lol. Just Lol. As i mentioned earlier, 95% of the time your doing quests that have NOTHING to do with the story. Its as if Rockstar had like 10 quests for the story, then they made a bunch of meaningless scenarios to fill up the gameplay. Nothing makes any sense at fucking all. You kill a group of bandits for no fucking reason and thats IT. No mention later, NOTHING. BUT you needed to do it to continue the story. I already mentioned the riding, but yeah, its just an attempt to pad gameplay time. Oh yeah, the side quests are stupid as shit, ALWAYS.

The morality shit is stupid as hell too. So if i kill some bitch out in the open your meter goes down toward 'badass'. But good morality is FORCED upon you. Most of the main quests don't even allow you to be a badass. Or if they do allow you, the game doesn't even tell you that you can do one option or the other. Some quests crucial to the storyline force honorable points on you. So how can you not be honorable? 'But you can go and kill random people!' STFU. The faggots who made the preview for this game acted like you can make A FUCKING CHOICE every single quest. Eat a smelly taint-hair. Its just fucking stupid.

Not until late in the game do you make 'choices', but like GTA4, THEY DON'T MEAN SHIT. Ok so i killed that guy instead of helping him, now what? Nothing. GOTO YOUR NEXT QUEST. Forget this ever happened.

What little story there is, i dont give a shit about. So he wants to go home or something? So he has to kill this guy? ah fuck it. Characters are stupid, the events are ridiculous, and you do so much worthless shit for them. I DON'T CARE ABOUT ANY OF THESE CHARACTERS.

Also, John Marston (protagonist), i hate to break it to you fanbois, hes a faggot. Hes not a fucking badass at all. Hes a giant gaping pussy. All he does all game is bitch. In fact, there is a quest line, where literally he did nothing but say 'if we dont do what i want now im gonna put a bullet in your skull'. COOL, i thought, until he doesn't. In fact, he says it throughout the game. AND DOESNT DO SHIT. He does WHATEVER the NPCs want him to. Do you have a choice in this? No. Because your a fanboi pussy, and whatever Rockstar wants, you do.

IGN: "A powerful story and remarkable characters. Tons of depth, but it doesn't quite have the perfect polish that most Rockstar games exhibit: 9.5". POWERFUL? You call this powerful? I DON'T GIVE a TEASPOON of my own SHIT to this story. DEPTH? ahh... fuck it.

To Sum up, Red Dead Redemption sucks ass. Its a shame too. It looked like it could have been a really great game. But once again i've been fooled by clever marketing. Notice the IGN homepage background. Yeah, IGN's review has been paid for.

3/10 My verdict: NOT WORTH YOUR FUCKING TIME"
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Re: Red Dead Redemption (Score: 1)
by Dick_In_Your_Ass (hotmale@hotmail.com) on Friday, May 21 @ 00:36:31 EDT
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Gta(not vice city-that game was awesome) in the west? Meh wont even bother with this shit anymore.btw you sound like FYA back in his drugged out days...


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Re: Red Dead Redemption (Score: 1)
by berzerker on Friday, May 21 @ 04:11:03 EDT
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Apparently this is a PS3 review, it would be nice to have this made explicit in the text because there may be a PC version some day (which no doubt will suck too BTW but probably for other reasons, e.g. controls).

And whay are you addressing 'fanbois' here? There are no PS3 fanboys here, this is a PC gaming site with occasional console reviews.

Not a bad review BTW.


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Re: Red Dead Redemption (Score: 1)
by Suislide (FUCK YOU@penis in my face.com) on Friday, May 21 @ 17:42:02 EDT
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Actually I think this review sucks.


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Re: Red Dead Redemption (Score: 1)
by FUCK_YOU_ALL on Friday, May 21 @ 17:42:08 EDT
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Thats what I like to read; fitting raunchy insultive review; FUCK YOU RED DEAD REDEMPTION, YOU LYING BURLAP SACK OF RETARD; I PISS AND SHIT IN YOUR GENERAL DIRECTION; semi colons FTW; rotted body suislide.


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Re: Red Dead Redemption (Score: 1)
by puk on Saturday, May 22 @ 04:37:24 EDT
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Sounds like a review of LOST


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Re: Red Dead Redemption (Score: 1)
by ZippyDSMlee on Monday, May 31 @ 12:11:17 EDT
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Wow......bad review is bad and hell bent on being bad..... which is probably more entertaining than the game. =0-o=


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Re: Red Dead Redemption (Score: 1)
by flaming_ass_packet on Tuesday, June 01 @ 12:54:56 EDT
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GOD DAMMIT FUCKING SUISLIDE - THAT REVIEW WAS HORRIBLE.

dont you ever pass off such a fail ass review again or ill step directly on your anus with a pair of high heel pumps.


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Re: Red Dead Redemption (Score: 1)
by DVSACT on Wednesday, June 23 @ 08:57:08 EDT
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BEST REVIEW EVER


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Re: Red Dead Redemption (Score: 1)
by berzerker on Thursday, June 24 @ 03:16:13 EDT
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2222 views and 25 votes in just over 1 month, that's pretty much.


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Re: Red Dead Redemption (Score: 1)
by TheKrup on Monday, July 12 @ 10:15:48 EDT
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I registered just to post a comment on this review. You sir, are amazing and I am so GLAD that there are other people that realise how FUCKING INSAANELY HORRIBLE this game is.

Thank you,

Goodbye.


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Re: Red Dead Redemption (Score: 1)
by downwiththegov on Friday, July 30 @ 21:30:58 EDT
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The game isn't that bad. Its just has lots of glitches. I think it deserves a 7/10.


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Re: Red Dead Redemption (Score: 1)
by Drakenlorde on Thursday, September 16 @ 20:44:53 EDT
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OMG! I love you xD

Everything you said is right, I always think it but I don't known where and how said it. This holy crap is the worst console damn crap I ever seen. Gameplay for fanboy kiddies, arcade, unrealistic, easy, everything to get a game 12-. Story is soo bad, nothing historical, character have no goal in the story, fuckin worst storyline never seen in a videogame. And like you said, graphics have nothing impresive, and holy crap the town are desert, well, even desert have more life in...


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Best review (Score: 1)
by MEee on Monday, January 31 @ 08:49:22 EST
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Best review ive seen in long time.
After all these faggots who think that red dead redemption is good its really sadisfacting to see somebody who doesnt buttrape goats.


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Red Dead Redemption (Score: 1)
by MEee on Sunday, February 20 @ 15:06:50 EST
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Rhompus you gave it too good score

HEY!!! Everybody let's go and burn down fagspot


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Re: Red Dead Redemption (Score: 1)
by suckmylimpdickbitc on Tuesday, May 31 @ 22:29:14 EDT
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OMG greatest review EVER. i actually liked this game but this review is PRICELESS


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Re: Red Dead Redemption (Score: 0)
by Anonymous on Tuesday, March 27 @ 16:50:28 EDT
What the hell i'm supposed to believe that RDR sucks because a bitch jacking off to first person shooters in his mom's basement said so! HELL NAW.


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Re: Red Dead Redemption (Score: 0)
by Anonymous on Sunday, April 01 @ 22:23:21 EDT
lmao you mad dumb ass


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Re: Red Dead Redemption (Score: 0)
by Anonymous on Tuesday, April 03 @ 23:31:25 EDT
your review sucks ass


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Re: Red Dead Redemption (Score: 0)
by Anonymous on Saturday, September 15 @ 21:30:58 EDT
fuck you prick dont write a hater reveiw because your 40 and live in ur mums basement fuck of wander suck my dick u prick


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Re: Red Dead Redemption (Score: 0)
by Anonymous on Wednesday, April 24 @ 06:33:23 EDT
you had your mom check on you in your basement LOL... did she bring you sandwiches too

i have only played this game for an hour but i have to disagree with a couple thing i think the graphics are good, yes the desert all looks the same but thats how it is in real life too... i thought the open game world was pretty cool i liked the western theme alot better than GTA games

granted i have to play this more but you are a cocksucker for giving this a 3 it is clearly a 6 so fuck you your review sucks a big dick that is covered in shit because was just pulled out of your own asshole


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