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| Watch Dogs | | Posted on Monday, August 11 @ 20:01:06 EDT by Suislide |  Ubisoft does it once again and decides to bombard us with another fucking terrible video game. They basically took Assassin's Creed and set it in the most inaccurate version of Chicago that I have ever seen. Not to mention, the game has uPlay which simply the worst fucking software on this planet. If there was a software version of AIDS, it would be called uPlay. Anyways, click the read more button so that we can get straight to the fucking bullshit that is this game. And if you are wondering why I haven't written a review in awhile, it's because I'm fucking busy. I'm an adult now and shit, why the fuck don't more people help contribute articles? Lazy fucking assholes!
The first thing you will notice straight away when starting this game is that it run's like absolute dog shit but somehow manages to also look terrible at the same time. It really is a fucking amazing feat when you think about it. The programmers are so bad at Ubisoft that they made a game which looks inferior to many other games out now, including Sleeping Dogs, but it also runs like old people fuck. The graphics in this game were, ONCE AGAIN, bullshit fucking hype marketing shots which had absolutely no basis in reality. The real game looks fucking hideous with piss poor textures everywhere, bland looking environments, boring character design, and a simply uninteresting looking world. Even the main menu runs like shit in this fucking puke pile. All of the lighting effects and other better looking stuff that we saw in the trailers seems to be completely absent from the game. It looks dry, stale, bland and just incredible uninspired.
Anyways, so the game starts off with you being some super elite hacker who got into some bullshit and now wants to get revenge on some people that killed his family. Now you think, the story would progress and as you unravel the mysteries, you find the true villian with shock after shock. WELL IT'S NOT. What I described is pretty much all that happens. You do missions to track down one fucking guy to get revenge and NOTHING ELSE FUCKING HAPPENS. Learn to write a fucking story Ubisoft. So you start doing some minor missions where you track some people down, stealth around, and then execute a target. RINSE AND FUCKING REPEAT. You end up simply doing the same bullshit over and over again until you win. Didn't they already fucking make this mistake with Assassin's Creed 1? How do you repeat such a huge fucking blunder?
Let's move on to the more important parts, the gameplay. So the big fucking thing in this game was the sweet hacking you could do all around town. Change traffic lights, blow up pipes, raise bridges, omg so fucking amazing! Well all you do is just press Q and it magically happens on the screen. WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT? You hype this huge fucking hacking dealing and it is simply PRESS Q TO HACK. The gameplay is all downhill from here too. The combat is clunky, slow and atrocious, which, is fine considering that they tend to stress stealth. Well the AI in this game is so fucking dumb that you can literally just walk right past everyone without them noticing. Note to mention, when they do notice, it has to fill up the alert bar until they actually take any action. Pretty much every section you can just wander past everyone. It's the same old fucking problem that all the Assassin's Creed games have, it isn't real fucking stealth.
The game also has you driving cars, obviously, and it manages to be the WORST fucking part of the game. Considering that the car sections are literally like one third of the game, you should probably make sure the controls dont SUCK COMPLETE FUCKING ASS. It is laughable how bad the car controls are. You want to turn? Well if you even TAP the button, you do a fucking 90 turn. The environment also seems to have no weight to it as you can just blow through everything on the street with nothing even remotely slowing you down. Also, if you haven't noticed but the trains are all fucked up in this game. I don't know what the fuck is going on or who decided to approve this shit, but all of the trains do like 90 degree awkward ass fucking turns. Also, they instantly stop like fucking magic if you move in front of them. Do they even have anyone to test the game? Fucking canadians.
So that's it, Watch Dogs is a shallow, ugly, boring, repetitive, and uninteresting game across the board. The main character is less charismatic than a piece of cardboard and stays flat as a board throughout. Nothing to good to see in this shit package.
3/10
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| Related Links | | | | Article Rating | | Average Score: 4.5
Votes: 14
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Re: Watch Dogs (Score: 1)
by FUCK_YOU_ALL on Wednesday, August 13 @ 01:47:35 EDT
(User Info | Send a Message) | | Watch Dogs is a piece of shit, the main character looks like a pedophile and the driving mechanics are so FUCKING TERRIBLE IT MAKES ME WANT TO PUKE. |
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 | |  | Re: Watch Dogs (Score: 1)
by zachofat (allahuakbar@jannah.com) on Wednesday, August 13 @ 10:15:20 EDT
(User Info | Send a Message) | Disappointing. This game had lots of potential. I'm surprised they had the balls to downgrade the visuals that much and then claim that they didnt downgradeit. Perhaps we will see a vast improvement with WD2 as we saw with AC2?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=idA9BEA4Hxs
^ This video highlights a lot of the problems in the game. Im glad I rented it. |
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Re: Watch Dogs (Score: 1)
by Suislide (FUCK YOU@penis in my face.com) on Wednesday, August 13 @ 19:19:32 EDT
(User Info | Send a Message) | That shouldn't happen. They shouldn't have to repeat fucking mistakes they made 7 years ago and then refix them in a sequel.
Ubisoft is shit. |
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Re: Watch Dogs (Score: 0)
by Anonymous on Friday, August 15 @ 15:18:42 EDT | I refuse to play a game with the word DOGS in it as for some reason, it is the perfect giveaway that it'll be dog shit.
It's a fucking law of nature. |
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| | | Re: Watch Dogs (Score: 1)
by burningdickman (set_your_dick_on_fire@hotmail.com) on Saturday, August 16 @ 00:32:28 EDT
(User Info | Send a Message) | As it turns out, better PC assets were locked away for the sake of making the shitty ass consoles (Puss4 and Shitbone) look better in comparison. Jewbisoft lied about having locked them off for better performance on PC, when in reality, many people who used the real PC assets reported all around better performance.
What do you make of that, Suislide? |
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Re: Watch Dogs (Score: 1)
by burningdickman (set_your_dick_on_fire@hotmail.com) on Friday, August 22 @ 04:26:21 EDT
(User Info | Send a Message) | Okay, some of the claims were probably exaggerations, but some sources claim little difference in performance with the "2012" assets, only at certain moments does it actually go down in comparison to the gimped PC version.
Otherwise though, what do you think? |
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Re: Watch Dogs (Score: 0)
by Anonymous on Friday, October 31 @ 17:51:28 EDT | obviously suislide is not able to think!
-X0-0X- |
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| | | Re: Watch Dogs (Score: 0)
by Anonymous on Saturday, August 16 @ 18:35:53 EDT | No shit it sucks
Here's a rule of thumb: if it's a game set in modern day world and ESPECIALLY in a big city, then it sucks
Theres enough realism in real life
Plan to review any of the latest fantasy RPGs?
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Re: Watch Dogs (Score: 0)
by Anonymous on Monday, August 18 @ 02:16:12 EDT | | gta v was good |
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Re: Watch Dogs (Score: 0)
by Anonymous on Monday, August 18 @ 08:24:33 EDT | | for first hour then quickly gets too fucking repetetive |
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Re: Watch Dogs (Score: 1)
by FUCK_YOU_ALL on Tuesday, August 26 @ 15:02:44 EDT
(User Info | Send a Message) | | TBH every game can get repetitive after the first hour. Thats why you take a break and play a different game, unless you're so zoned in you just want to keep going. I love all the little pop culture references and how the game basically smashes apart modern society. After a mission or two, just cruise around and watch the city squirm. Its a funny fucking game, all the civilians have something bizarre and hilarious. |
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Re: Watch Dogs (Score: 1)
by FUCK_YOU_ALL on Tuesday, August 26 @ 15:00:35 EDT
(User Info | Send a Message) | | I disagree GTA 5 is fucking hilarious. Trevor makes that game, and the online is pretty interesting. |
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Re: Watch Dogs (Score: 0)
by Anonymous on Wednesday, September 10 @ 12:44:39 EDT | | Like i'm surprised. I knew this game would suck ever since they announced it. It's basically GTA with "hacking", that is to say, a lame gimmick that doesn't even deserve its name. |
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Re: Watch Dogs (Score: 0)
by Anonymous on Saturday, May 28 @ 20:07:43 EDT | GUYS DONT LISTEN TO THESE FAGOOT REVIEWERS THEY HATE EVERYTHING AND THEY OUGHT TO BE ASHAMED OF THEMESELVES FOR GIVING THIS A 3/10 AND THEN GIVING CRYSIS 3 A 7
U FUCK U FUCK U FUCK U FUCK U FUCK U FUCK FUCK U
FUCK U AND FUCK THE POLICE AND FUCK UR MOTHER FUCK U AND FUCK THE POLICE AND FUCK UR MOTHER FUCK U AND FUCK THE POLICE AND FUCK UR MOTHER FUCK THE POLICE AND FUCK U AND FUCK UR MOTHER |
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Re: Watch Dogs (Score: 0)
by Anonymous on Saturday, May 28 @ 20:09:31 EDT | GUYS DONT LISTEN TO THESE FAGOOT REVIEWERS THEY HATE EVERYTHING AND THEY OUGHT TO BE ASHAMED OF THEMESELVES FOR GIVING THIS A 3/10 AND THEN GIVING CRYSIS 3 A 7
U FUCK U FUCK U FUCK U FUCK U FUCK U FUCK FUCK U
FUCK U AND FUCK THE POLICE AND FUCK UR MOTHER FUCK U AND FUCK THE POLICE AND FUCK UR MOTHER FUCK U AND FUCK THE POLICE AND FUCK UR MOTHER FUCK THE POLICE AND FUCK U AND FUCK UR MOTHER |
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Re: Watch Dogs (Score: 0)
by Anonymous on Friday, February 17 @ 05:48:02 EST | | Anyone reading this is gonna be more likely to ignore you than the reviews here.. Maybe one too many u fucks and run on, fuck the police, sentences. |
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Re: Watch Dogs (Score: 0)
by Anonymous on Friday, September 25 @ 00:55:37 EDT | | PRESS Q TO HACK. |
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