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Serious Sam 2
Posted on Monday, October 24 @ 20:44:06 EDT by Suislide
FPS reviewsHoly shit Serious Sam 2 is finally here and Sam fucking rides the boner train back into town. This time he is serious sucking a fat cock from the beginning to the end of the game. All i can ask is WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED?!

Graphics: Ok so the graphics do look quite good in this game and in fact the graphics are about the only thing good about this heap of trash. Ill start with the good things such as the enviornments and weapon models, enemies everything looks incredible with plenty of polygons and decent to high res textures. The weapon models all look great and have plenty of detail to them. The only envionrment that looked bland as hell was planet Kleer which was basically just pure shit sprayed upon my screen. Other than that the enviornments are bright colorful and varied. The only problem is the art director must be a faggot. In the first game we had Serious Sam. A bad ass mother fucker who looks like he is ready to kick tons of ass. Now his character model looks like someone fucking took a shit in his mouth and he keeps it under his tongue giving him a huge fucking chin. Everything looks kiddy as hell. Enemies dont look like they apart to tear your ass apart anymore and you are going to blow them away with guns that exagerated to shit in size. Now you have faggot looking characters running around having gay sex. The graphics in the game are quite great and varied but the art direction is pure and utter vagina.

Seriously who the hell decided you know what. Lets take everything that looked badass and turn it into a fucking 4 year olds game. The engine seems great but come on... cut the faggot shit out.

Sound: Ok first lets start with the voice acting itself. All the characters sound whiny as hell except for Netristica and Sam. They have high pitched annoying voices that sound like they paid a fucking bum make noises while hes fucking ODing on cocaine.. then they shot him and left him in an alley for the prostitutes to have something to eat. The dialouge itself is all shit. They try to make a joke and some of them were ok but most them fail... kind of like all the jokes on this website. Sam NO LONGER has bad ass one liners were you are like "Hey this guy is about to blow some shit up then sleep with some hot bitches and then break their necks" Now the dialouge is like HEY WHY THE FUCK AM I STILL PLAYING THIS GAME! Also there seems to be a problem with the 3D Audio where everything close sounds far awya and vice versa. Great fuckign Job on the sound. Also only the shotgun has a good weapon sound. The minigun sound SO COMPLETLEY PUSSY i was about to stab myself and my dog.

Gameplay: Ok so the enemies are varied, theres a decent selection of weapons, and the envionrments are varied. What the fuck happened? Everything just seems so boring. Enemies arent fun to kill, the weapons are all pussy. THE MINIGUN FIRES SLOWER THAN IT DOES IN THE FIRST GAME. Sweet here i was expecting to kick more ass with HUGER weapons and MORE death. Instead i get a slow ass firing minigun and piece of shit action. The first game kicked ass and this one is a total piece of poo. The action just isn't fun. There is just something within the gameplay that seems so boring. Also all the bosses were dissapointments A MONKEY! A BEE! A FAGGOT PURPLE DRAGON! The last boss was the absolute biggest dissapointment. Here was i expecting some bass mother fucker BIGGER than the SS1 Boss (the biggest boss ever) Instead you know what it is? A big fucking pyramid on treads that comes at you. WOW TALK ABOUT UNINSPIRED! The gameplay just has something to it that doesnt have any of the fun from the first game... even the co-op wasn't any fun. What the hell happened? It seems like all the time went to developing the new engine and nothing was put into the game. God Dammit Croteam here i was promised with ass kicking and was delivered with a pile of shit.

Story:The same story as in the first game you are trying to stop Mental. Except in the first game they didnt give a fuck but here they add in all these slow ass shitacular videos that are SOOOOOOOO Fucking boring. The game was never about the story which was absolutley fine because the game kicked so much ass i vomited everywhere. But this game was just went down hill. Come on What the fuck.

Well the graphics are good 5/10

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Re: Serious Sam 2 (Score: 1)
by Suislide (FUCK YOU@penis in my on Tuesday, October 25 @ 15:19:19 EDT
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no one comments on my reviews

im going to cry in a dark room then killed myself

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Re: Serious Sam 2 (Score: 1)
by sliznut on Wednesday, October 26 @ 03:57:03 EDT
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yea this game totally sucks ass. they fucked up making everying all cartoonish.

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Re: Serious Sam 2 (Score: 1)
by Caine on Wednesday, November 02 @ 13:12:55 EST
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Behold, mortal, for am Caine and I WILL reveal to thee the truth.
Oh, was that too hard to understand?
So, no one comments on your reviews, am I going to cry, to comfort you, to say "no, you make the best reviews in the word, yay!". Because I will not, no rather I will throw the hard and dark truth into your face.
YOUR REVIEWS SUCK! Not "suck" as in: "it was quite bad" but "suck" as in: "I wouldn't even read this review to my worst enemy, get a life and a job"
Do we understand each other, or is it too hard, since I am using other words than "fuck"(which you, by the way used by itself or inside other word exacly 16 times in one review). Beacuse your seemingly obsessive focus on word containing "fuck", "ass", etc. And otherwise it is hard to take someone seriously with the user name "Suislide" and the e-mail "FUCK YOU@penis in my". Immature? yes, QUITE!
If you didn't understood my words (they did, after all, contain more than one syllable) I can summarize them in a way you understand:

So, was that more understandable. I bid you farewell, we will speak again.

Yours sincerely

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Re: Serious Sam 2 (Score: 0)
by Anonymous on Saturday, May 19 @ 15:49:33 EDT
dude you are a total moron!!! this game was an amaising adrenaline ride,like his ya ss2 great you suck the vagina hard timee!

Bag pula in mata boule!

[ Reply to This ]

Re: Serious Sam 2 (Score: 0)
by Anonymous on Thursday, September 19 @ 04:48:17 EDT
Fucking fanboys, go read those payed off review sites. They will say what you want to hear.

Me? I want a fucking review that gets close to reality. And this site provides it.

Thanks for your reviews man, they sure help.

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Re: Serious Sam 2 (Score: 0)
by Anonymous on Sunday, October 12 @ 23:54:48 EDT
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