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Lord Of The Rings: Return of the King
Posted on Monday, November 17 @ 18:43:30 EST by Suislide
Action Game ReviewsWe all know that most games based off movies usually suck huge donkey penis. Surprisingly though this one isnt that bad except in a few spots.

Graphics: They aren't the greatest graphics ever but i guess they are ok. There is video from the movies which look sharp as hell which is good but then it goes in game. The characters are kind of fucking boxy and gandalf is fucking old that old man pussy. They dont have like capes or cloaks or whatever the hell they are wearing that fucking go whoosh when you run (like in Max Payne). Anyways there is always a lot of guys and screen which is good because i can take my sword and shove it up a guys ass punch him in the neck and rip my sword out of the front of his body. TAKE THAT DOUCHE BAG. Also the textures up close look like dirty asshole but from the distances you are always at they dont look bad. Last what the fuck happened to all the particles i want fucking sparks flying when i hit another guys sword.

Sound: Sounds alright except theres a lack of music or mine wasnt loud enough. Although who gives a shit when theres ambient sounds of war and other shit happening. The sounds for me chopping things are also weak as hell which is POOP!PP!!P. So the sounds are alright but my fucking dead grandma with cancer would make some better sounds than some in this game.

Gameplay: Run around and slash shit with other objectives. Theres like three paths you can go and you get different characters with each. The middle path (or maybe the right) blows ass because you have to be Sam that silly pussy. Or all the way on the left you are gandalf, who the fuck wants to be an aging old man whos fucking hip pops out of place when hes fighting. The middle is good because you can be that guy with long hair who slices shit. So you go there and you do different shit like kill abunch of shit, and then kill some more shit, then kill lots more shit. The gameplay gets fucking repetitive because its the same god damn thing throughout the whole game. Its not bad but it gets fucking annoying after awhile but they try and through you off with stupid objects. RUN OUT OF THE CRUMBLING CAVE OMF THATS ORIGINAL!L!L! or PROTECT THE WALLS AND THEN USE A CATAPULT TO SMASH SHIT. That level is fucking impossible and it pisses me off, I have a pussy ass army who cant defend a fucking wall and those stupid ass archers are little leaky tits that they cant push a god damn ladder off a wall.

Story: Basically you have to stop that stupid cunt guy who is really big and badass and destroy the ring (OMG JUST LIKE THE MOVIE). So you run around slashing shit trying to do this and then thats it. This damn game better ruin the ending just to piss off abunch of people. Anyways theres tons of extras but who gives a shit its probably all on the dvd's if you have them. K im done Yeah its fun but it gets as repetitive as Chaos Legion 7.5/10

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Re: Lord Of The Rings: Return of the King (Score: 0)
by Anonymous on Wednesday, November 19 @ 09:00:12 EST
I've been a milkman for over 20 years, and I have to say this is the best review I've ever seen about homosexual midgets and fairy twinkle sprites.


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Re: Lord Of The Rings: Return of the King (Score: 0)
by Anonymous on Friday, December 12 @ 20:03:40 EST
Unfortunately, EA only supports a handfull of graphics chipsets, so the rest of us get stuck with $40 worth of squat that won't even startup.


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Re: Lord Of The Rings: Return of the King (Score: 0)
by Anonymous on Saturday, January 03 @ 07:59:19 EST
EA GAMES SUX... None of their shit is worth the money, despite they get some good titles and ideas. But the games are either too damn hard or too damn buggy.... where's the patches? They suck! And WHY do I have to watch the cutscenes everytime I die and have to try again? It takes forever and it just pisses me of. By the way... the only character i could play as, was Sam... The ENTIRE game. That's a nice feature: Defend Minas Tirith as a hobbit. I would have preferred Gollum


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Re: Lord Of The Rings: Return of the King (Score: 0)
by Anonymous on Friday, January 23 @ 21:01:06 EST
Heh great comment on the game. I agree, it sucked more dick than my neighbor. Keep up the good work.


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