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Halo 4
Posted on Wednesday, November 07 @ 21:18:51 EST by Suislide
FPS reviewsk4rl writes "343 Studios finally fucking releases the long awaited Halo 4 --perfect timing too, as I (and probably half the nation) can give two shits at this point about Obama's victory and are sick and tired of fucking politics. Halo 4 is sufficiently drowning out the pathetic world I live in, and I love every second of it.

Ever since Bungie seperated from Microsoft and ditched the Halo series to go deep sea toaster fighting on Planet X, or whatever the fuck they'll do, they handed the Halo franchise over to 343 Studios. We can all rest assured though that the series is in good hands. This game is beyond everything I wanted it to be, and hopefully is enjoyable for all of you cynical bastards too.

GRAPHICS: My favorite section! I really enjoy the graphics for the most part, though there does seem to be a bit of bloom-rape at some points. Textures aren't too bad either considering the console's reputation for diarrhea and blended testicle textures. It seems 343 ditched motion-blur in favor of sun shafts and some nice HDR effects with coronas. Shadows are pretty high-res and by the looks of it, architectural and environment shadows are dynamic and not rasterized like they were in Halo 3. There's new animations for subtle things as well (like melee, reload, etc) which is a sight for sore eyes. Particle effects are largely the same, however.

ENVIRONMENTS: This game must have been fucking 20 Gigs, because it comes with two discs, one of which you have to install on your Xbox's HDD. The environments are pretty kickass, as there's not really a dull moment anywhere and the sense of scale has my hands and my balls clapping with excitement. No blocky geometry, complex background visuals. It was so beautiful, I licked my TV screen, upon doing so my tongue liquified and shot out my ocular cavities with enough force to give a man a serious concussion.

GAMEPLAY: The thing I love about this game, is that it is drastically different than the previous trilogy, but 343 remained true to that Halo feel. I think many of you Halo fans (which there probably aren't much of on this website) will be very pleased. New weapons kick ass, new enemies add a lot of interest. I don't play Multiplayer often, but I noticed 343 completely revamped the way it works, moving towards a more Call Of Faggotry approach like every other fucking game being released, which I can't say I'm a fan of.

SOUND: The sound in this game has also been completely redone from the ground up, re-using a very small number of old trilogy sounds, and they are AWESOME. The sound of a Scorpion tank shooting made my man tits jiggle with excitement. Guns don't sound like pussy pop guns either. Explosions are also very nice. The music I have to say is the downfall. It's not done by Martin O'Donnell anymore, instead replaced with some fag, and it's pretty mundane music.

STORY: You're Master Queef again and you wake up to find your ship being pulled in by some freaky looking robotic Forerunner planet, Cortana's going rampant, etc. Haven;t finished yet, but looking forward to seeing what happens. I strongly recommend this for Halo fans and newbies alike.

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Article Rating
Average Score: 2.2
Votes: 30

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Re: Halo 4 (Score: 0)
by Anonymous on Wednesday, November 07 @ 21:19:02 EST
Tear this apart. Thanks

[ Reply to This ]

  • Re: Halo 4 by Anonymous on Wednesday, November 07 @ 22:43:10 EST
    • Re: Halo 4 by Anonymous on Wednesday, November 07 @ 23:34:34 EST

Re: Halo 4 (Score: 0)
by Anonymous on Thursday, November 08 @ 06:28:50 EST
What sets this apart from any other shooter out there (particularly for everyone here, who are used to PC quality shooters and generally don't care about consoles and/or Halo)? All you say is that it is different from previous incarnations, but what's important is not whether they made it different, only whether they made it better (and if so, in which respect).

[ Reply to This ]

  • Re: Halo 4 by Anonymous on Thursday, November 08 @ 07:11:00 EST
    • Re: Halo 4 by Anonymous on Thursday, November 08 @ 09:45:31 EST

Re: Halo 4 (Score: 1)
by RedNailgun on Thursday, November 08 @ 11:11:18 EST
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The only thing Halo added to the FPS formula was the regen health mechanic that only set the genre and gaming as a whole back with easy mode sit secs and get your entire health back, everything else was done before and better. Of course lazy game designers loved it because they could just slap this boring shit on every game without worrying about proper placement of health kits or adding any reward for exploring the levels (that became even more linear by the minute). Oh and it made FPS more viable on consoles which of course brought the quality of the genre down big fucking time.

Things like Halo and Fable are proof of how consoles are breeding grounds for mediocrity.

[ Reply to This ]

  • Re: Halo 4 by Anonymous on Thursday, November 15 @ 15:16:41 EST

Re: Halo 4 (Score: 1)
by TheKrustaceox on Friday, November 09 @ 19:37:06 EST
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gay review, it screams FANBOY all over. Come back Suislide...your reviews are pure, enjoyable and entertaining, putrid nasty pussy garbage. these new guys are just gay.

[ Reply to This ]

  • Re: Halo 4 by Anonymous on Saturday, November 10 @ 00:22:43 EST
    • Re: Halo 4 by Suislide on Saturday, November 10 @ 00:23:24 EST

Re: Halo 4 (Score: 1)
by Ape_Shall_Never_Kill_Ape ( on Saturday, November 10 @ 15:45:14 EST
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Where the fuck is fuhrer when you need him?

[ Reply to This ]

  • Re: Halo 4 by Anonymous on Tuesday, December 25 @ 15:10:31 EST

Re: Halo 4 (Score: 0)
by Anonymous on Tuesday, November 13 @ 08:21:02 EST
Shitty fanboy review, looks like it's been written by Microsoft's PR dept. Please take this crap elsewhere.

[ Reply to This ]

Re: Halo 4 (Score: 0)
by Anonymous on Friday, November 16 @ 18:44:55 EST
I thought we were here for fucking PC games? No?
Oh, well...

[ Reply to This ]

  • Re: Halo 4 by Anonymous on Friday, November 16 @ 18:48:03 EST
    • Re: Halo 4 by Suislide on Friday, November 16 @ 18:56:38 EST
      • Re: Halo 4 by Anonymous on Saturday, November 17 @ 11:47:02 EST

Re: Halo 4 (Score: 0)
by Anonymous on Saturday, November 17 @ 11:49:55 EST
Fucking bullshit. get this halo kid a woman, then kill him. kill this gaylord

[ Reply to This ]

Re: Halo 4 (Score: 0)
by Anonymous on Saturday, November 24 @ 11:28:40 EST
Ok, something else.
This 9.6/10
CoD:BO2 5/10
Both games are so average that they just can't get more. Both with super cheesy stories, both with dumb mechanics.
Look at Halo as scifi CoD.
They both should get 5/10 ...

[ Reply to This ]

  • Re: Halo 4 by Anonymous on Tuesday, December 25 @ 15:11:01 EST
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