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Assassin's Creed: Revelations
Posted on Monday, December 19 @ 20:46:42 EST by Suislide
Action Game ReviewsThe original Assassin's Creed sucked balls due to sloppy controls but they fixed EVERYTHING in the 2nd game and made a pretty enjoyable title. Brotherhood, while short, continued the good parts of AC2 and gave us a bit more story. This game is a pile of fucking deceit and lies from Ubisoft. The name of this game makes it sound like the fucking final title in the series but instead (like Brotherhood) it is another 50 dollar fucking expansion pack that barely advances the story, and adds abunch of stuff to make the game boring and uninteresting.

This game is literally just MORE OF THE SAME. It is identical to the previous two titles in everything from controls, feel, and graphics and nothing seems to have advanced. Well, I take that back. The graphics have gotten better as it seems they increased the LOD for the PC version, as well as giving us super sharp textures which are not seen on the console version. This is just a guess, but the game is the best looking in the series and definitely looks better than the shitty console version. The graphics are not even the problem with the game as it is still pretty impressive with the size and detail of the cities that is present in this series. The problem is the same reason that Call of Duty sucks ass now. They are running the franchise into the ground by releasing MORE OF THE SAME, especially considering this is the 2nd fucking title of AC this year.

So I don't have much to say about the gameplay as for the most part it is the same stuff that we have seen before. You mainly play as Ezio (with various Altair scenes) where you run, jump, chase, and assassinate targets based upon where the missions send you. The combat is largely the same with all the same weapons and one enemy attacking you at a time, then with the counter and kill system present. It literally controls exactly the same. The problem here is, there is nothing new that this game offers in terms of missions, combat or anything else. It does add more stuff to the game (like bombs, and the worst tower defense mini-game ever), but none of this really adds to the core gameplay and is really just extra side activities to have fun with (or not).

The first major problem with this turd is that the missions have become incredibly fucking boring. They either have you doing the same that you did before in the previous two titles (which was the exact problem with the first fucking game, i.e. repetition). The missions are literally just the same thing as either following a target, finding an artifact, etc. There is nothing wrong with this as the core game itself is pretty fun especially if you liked the gameplay from the previous titles, the problem is just because we have fucking done this so many times before that it is starting to get stale, the game needs to have new ideas and variety in the missions. Something which we all know Ubisoft sucks ass at.

Now they are also adding in abunch of convoluted shit that I don't really give two dicks and a sack of balls about. The first thing is bombs, and crafting bombs. Ezio now can throw bombs and make different types for different purposes. There is nothing wrong with this element. It could have been a solid addition to the game, but the fact is I simply don't give a fuck about it because the game doesn't make you. It is just another side activity for Ezio to do. The game is getting TOO filled with this shit. Now you have buying shops, gaining money from the shops, upgrading armor, buying new weapons, repairing armor, collecting animus fragments, recruiting assassins, sending assassins out on missions, burning down towers to unlock areas, capturing guild dens, side quests, Mediterranean defense, and challenges. Now I'm not complaining that there is a lot of content in the game, the problem is none of it fucking matters to the main story in ANYWAY in the slightest. Buying shops and upgrading had a purpose to the story in AC2 as you were improving your hub city and helping yourself and your uncle. None of it has any fucking meaning in this game and is just there for the sake of being there, and it really makes it uninteresting and too cramped with shit that doesn't matter. I'm happy with most of it as it adds some content to the game, the problem is it didn't need any MORE shit on top of it, maybe just EVOLVED forms and more interesting forms of what was already there. Now bombs are added on top of this, and worst yet, the single fucking WORST tower defense game in the history of games.

This game has such a terrible tower defense game that it makes my dick deflate and shrivel inside of my body. Whoever decided to put this into the game should be hanged in public and peed upon by everyone who purchased this game. After capturing a guild den, they become under conflict and you have to play a tower defense game placing units on the map and blockades to stop the Templar from reaching a certain port. The problem is it is so horrible balanced and utterly boring that it hurts the game rather than helps it. I don't give a shit about this tower defense shit and it needs to go. Fuck you Ubisoft.

So I have to say just to clarify, the graphics are nice and the game is still the same kind of fun we have had before, just now becoming stale. The problem is, the story doesn't help. Big fucking questions were left at the end of AC2 and Brotherhood and they really added a sense to want you to keep playing. The story in this game does not. In fact, this game barely fucking advances the story AT ALL. Desmond is now stuck in the Animus for some reason and Ezio is trying to unlock the pieces to some door of Altair. That is it, the story doesn't really evolve beyond this or reveal anything more about the ancient race. All that you find out is that Ezio retires and knows Desmond is watching for some reason (they never explain how) and that some solar flare destroyed Earth and Desmond has to stop a second. A solar flare? That was the big secret? Another point which hurts and does not help the game.

This game is fallen victim to what I call the Ubisoft Curse (can I trademark that shit?). AC1 was moderately successful so Ubisoft put more work into and made AC2 which was a great game and it sold well. Now Ubisoft is putting the curse on the franchise and milking it fucking dry like they have done with all their series. They milked Splinter Cell, Rainbow Six, and every other fucking series with 500 mediocre games that they rushed out the door simply to generate a quick buck. This was their LAST good series that they owned. AC2 was a damn good game, brotherhood continued the trend, but this one has fallen victim to the curse where they simply rushed another title with the AC name on it to make a quick fucking buck. It sucks because they are now shitting on their last good series and we, the customers, are the ones getting fucked up the asshole because we paid 50 bucks for this. Assassin's Creed 2 felt epic because you traveled all over Italy to multiple cities, and had a hub city from which you operated. It made the game feel large and epic in scale, as well as being the longest game in the series. Brotherhood and Revelations have begun killing this by only containing one city which stabs that feeling right in the back and confines you in a smaller area which is obviously faster to develop so they shove out more titles. The Ubisoft Curse begins.

The series needs more time between sequels and more innovation as this title does not keep the fun and large scale feeling that AC2 has had and instead feels like a rushed title to make more money of the franchise by offering the exact same shit as before with a few new elements thrown on top.

6.5/10

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Re: Assassin's Creed: Revelations (Score: 1)
by nighater (HomoEroticPig@niggers.co.ng) on Friday, December 23 @ 02:24:15 EST
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Assassin's Creed is going to be the next Cawadoody. Ubisoft said that they're aiming for yearly releases, an we haven't seen too big of differences between the last 3 games.


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Re: Assassin's Creed: Revelations (Score: 0)
by Anonymous on Thursday, April 12 @ 09:37:28 EDT
Somethings tell me that, YOU HAD NEVER CREATE A GAME BEFORE.....BLAH


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Re: Assassin's Creed: Revelations (Score: 0)
by Anonymous on Friday, August 02 @ 01:31:17 EDT
This made me laugh so much because it's so true


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Re: Assassin's Creed: Revelations (Score: 1)
by burningdickman on Friday, August 02 @ 03:39:03 EDT
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Great review, Suislide.


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Re: Assassin's Creed: Revelations (Score: 0)
by Anonymous on Monday, August 26 @ 17:40:54 EDT
Ezio retires and knows Desmond is watching for some reason

in the end of AC 2 the alien-goddess speaks directly to Desmond through Ezio, guess it took him some time to figure it out


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