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Rogue Warrior
Posted on Tuesday, December 15 @ 00:52:24 EST by Suislide
Action Game ReviewsThis game is absolute shit HOWEVER, I demand that everyone plays through this game at least once. Everything about it just screams low-budget trash except for Mickey Rourke does the voice acting for the main character and fucking saves this game. Seriously, I never laughed so fucking hard at a game that literally swears more than me. This is a generic action shooter that was developed by some unknown company and a trash heap published by Bethesda for some quick cash. Anyways, everyone needs to play this.

Graphics: Terrible. Absolutely atrocious in every respect. The textures are incredibly low resolution and the models lack any sort of detail to them. When the camera zooms into the main characters beard, it's such a piece of shit low-resolution texture that it makes you want to throw some babies off a roof. Everything else about the graphics completely blows ass as well. The enemies all look like generic Russian and Asian communists in uniform that you blow away. There's absolutely no variety as you shoot the same ass people over and over. The coolest part of the graphics are the death animations when you brutally stab someone in the fuck neck or push their gun into the jaw and blow their own head off. These animations are probably the only redeeming factor of the graphics simply because they give me a huge fucking boner. Just the way Rourke just savagely murders these fuckers. Anyways, levels are completely uninspired as they look like generic facilities and bunkers you go through. Oh yeah and a mansion too I guess. To bad the models, and textures look like absolute cat sperm being smeared across the scream.


Sound: This is rare, but this is literally the best part of the fucking game. No, it's not the enemy voice acting, or the music in the game. In fact, all those things completely suck...the gunshots sound like a weak fart everything is just completely dull and very low quality sounding. No, it's Mickey fucking Rourke doing the voice acting and the script that they gave the main character. It is literally non-stop hilarity and insulting the enemies as you killing the whole fucking game it's COMEDY GOLD. There is quality lines such as "Die you commie cockbreath motherfucker" and something along the lines of "I'm going to choke these fuckers to death with my hairy ballsack." The lines never fucking stop ever as every time you kill a group of enemies he continues swearing. Even the menu has badass dialog calling you a pussy and everything else. Seriously, whoever wrote this dialog is a subtle comedic genius. Now the reason everyone needs to beat this game is at the end they make a rap song of all his fucking swearing and once again the comedy is non-stop. They literally cut together all the clips from the game into a song. This is literally genius.


Gameplay: The gameplay is absolute balls. The game is just a generic third person shooter with some weak ass stealth elements that dissapear within the first 20 seconds of the first level. Seriously, you start every level with a fucking useless pistol as you just grab an AK and start blowing the shit out of everyone. If you sneak around in this game you are a fucking idiot. The gun variety sucks balls as there is literally like three different weapons and you will probably end up using the same weapon the whole game. You literally just run around, take some cover, plant some c4, and then shoot some communist the entire game. Fuck the shooting, I just ran up to everyone and pressed E to stab the fuck out of them or killed them in other various ways. The animations make the game when you viciously stab someone in various ways. Anyways, the gameplay blows and I literally beat this game in about 3 hours. It's the shortest piece of shit ever.


Story: The story is absolutely fucking turd. It's based off of some books but obviously the books such a huge dick. Russia has some missile defense system and is going to attack the US during the cold war. But you go in and stop them. That's the whole fucking story. Literally, that's it...it doesn't go any deeper...there are no cut scenes or anything...just fighting to get to the missle silo and blow them. And that pretty much sums up this turd.

Everyone buy this game simply due to the voice acting 5/10

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Re: Rogue Warrior (Score: 1)
by berzerker on Tuesday, December 15 @ 02:35:35 EST
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LOL, you give it a higher score than IGN (1.5 / 10) and gamespot (2 / 10).


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Re: Rogue Warrior (Score: 1)
by craterface on Tuesday, December 15 @ 14:46:07 EST
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there is no need to waste 3 hours of your life just for a song! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NsusJVaAWf8
but this is soo bad, the background music suck big time and basically the whole song is awful, maybe 8-9 year old kids may find it cool.


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