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Section 8
Posted on Wednesday, September 09 @ 00:02:04 EDT by Suislide
FPS reviewsLet's be straight...this game blows hard black dick. It's some fucking game that I never fucking heard of until finding out it was released. The lack of hype and any sort of information about this cumpile should be a clear indicator not to play it. But I did anyways, and boy what a fucking mistake that was. This is made by TimeGate studious who brought you such shit piles as FEAR: Perseus Mandate and well....this game. So let's enter the turd world of Section 8. Oh btw, a section 8 is someone who is a nut case in the military. But in this game its the 8th Infantry Division. This should be a clear indication of how dumb this game is.

Graphics: Anthony fucking stank turd-pile game using the Unreal Engine 3...what a surprise. It must cost like 50 cents to lease as an engine as it seems anyone can fucking develop a game using it. Who the fuck gave TimeGate studios enough cash to lease this engine? I hope someone fucking throws a lawnmower at them. So basically the graphics in this game are all the fucking same no matter which map you play. They are big and open, but they all look like a fucking desert. Call the innovation police we have another game filled with BROWN textures. It does have a bigger color palette though because the levels do have multiple color bases and enemies but nothing fucking special. Thanks to the Shitbox360 and the Cumstation 3 the graphics are fucking stuck in 2005. Sure we have big open environments in this game, but you have fucking cookie cutter bases placed all over the map and a bunch of fucking useless non-interactive computers everywhere. The weapons models are fucking lame, it must be an Unreal Engine 3 problem because everyone in this game looks like a blocky hunk of shit, with blocky shitty armor on. The weapons all look fucking gay in this game. And where the fuck is the blood? I want to shoot someone's fucking armor off and then proceed to have blood and organs leak out of their suit? Don't make a first person shooter unless you are going to put some fucking blood into it. There is nothing special looking about this game at all because everything is more mediocre than my sex life. So the graphics are lame.

Sound: I hope someone fucking cuts my ears off and shoves them into my ass. The dialog in this game is fucking TERRIBLE. Granted, it is mainly a multiplayer game...but if you are going to make a single player game...don't stick it with the worst fucking sounding voice acting ever. You play some guy named Corde (what kind of faggot name is Corde?) who must be completely retarded. I fucking hate you TimeGate Studious. The music and gunshots are all completey shit as well. It's pretty obvious no one put any fucking time into developing anything in this game because the audio just sounds like the entire development team cummed into a bucket and said THERE WE GO. AUDIO.

Gameplay: You ever get fucked in the ass with a rusty pipe? Because that's exactly what playing this game is like. It is basically Tribes, but only if you developed Tribes to be a fucking terrible shitty game (or basically Tribes: Vengeance). So you play these big solder guys who run around capture bases or defend bases. That's the entire fucking mutliplayer game. It's like a shitty small scale version of Planetside. You can carry two shitty fucking weapons (because they are all fucking horrible) and two special items. The weapons range from a machine gun, to a USELESS fucking shotgun, or a rocket launcher and some other bullshit machine guns. As for the special items you can get uncreative bullshit such as the REPAIR TOOL or GRENADES. Way to make the fucking game LIKE EVERYTHING ELSE ON THE MARKET. So you fucking dive bomb into the level in the most retarded of fashions and then run around and capture bases. That's the whole game! Of course they throw in bullshit like vehicles and buying turrets to make it more interesting but all the vehicles control like runny dog shit. You also get a shit fucking jetpack that last two seconds and takes 10 years to recharge. Might as well fucking stamp a huge USELESS sticker on it. Also, why the fuck does everyone take a billion fucking shots to kill in this game? I shot an entire fucking clip of bullets DIRECLTY INTO A GUYS FACE and he was fucking still alive. Yeah nothing says fun than shooting at some dumbass for 20 minutes. WHERES THE FUN? This game feels like the developers threw together abunch of features they thought were cool but in reality was just abunch of shit, put into a box, and distributed.

Story: This game obviously had a story tacked on in the last minute to make it seem like you are getting some sort of value for your money. The fact is the story is so utterly terrible they owe me my fucking 2 hours back that I played this game. They need to figure out how to turn time into a tangible object and fucking give it back. You play Corde, some douche bag in Section 8, and you run around and do shitty random objectives on a big open map. It is basically Medal of Honor Airbourne, with even WORSE AI. The story doesn't make any sense except you will heard Corde bitching about how some stupid General killed his partners or some retarded. Who cares. I wasn't paying attention because the cutscenes were so awful.

Section 8 is about as fun as seeing whats the largest drill bit I can ram into my pee hole 3/10

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Re: Section 8 (Score: 1)
by _Master_ on Wednesday, September 09 @ 12:07:17 EDT
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hmmm this review of yours is better....the literary style leans more towards neo classical cum as compared to the previous gothic turd approach.

havent played it yet and it seems highly unlikely that i may invest time on it.

abt the game i had high hopes looking at the trailer video a couple of months back. then i heard it was multiplayer. and then other shit, which vaporized my enthusiasm instantly like my stealthy farts, which occasionally can be quite smelly too.

the weapons models are fucking lame, it must be an Unreal Engine 3 problem because everyone in this game looks like a blocky hunk of shit

this statement of your reveals a bit of foolishness inside you. unreal engine is quite tweakable and scalable, it depends on whose hands it is. have you seen the detail on the characters in mirrors edge? sigh i miss that game.

to conclude, i will say that i did enjoy reading this review. it seems you have not lost your old touch, after monkeys demise. he is actually dead is he? behold, review point shall be awarded accordingly!

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Re: Section 8 (Score: 1)
by puk on Wednesday, September 09 @ 17:55:29 EDT
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I can't read his reviews anymore. It's like watching an episode of AVGN

[ Reply to This ]

  • Re: Section 8 by _Master_ on Wednesday, September 09 @ 19:14:44 EDT
  • Re: Section 8 by Suislide on Wednesday, September 09 @ 21:03:33 EDT
  • Re: Section 8 by Dick_In_Your_Ass on Friday, September 11 @ 06:34:12 EDT

Re: Section 8 (Score: 1)
by Hen on Saturday, September 12 @ 00:16:30 EDT
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Priceless top of the line review!
Hope you get your 2 hours back heh!

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