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Silent Hill 5
Posted on Wednesday, April 15 @ 21:42:16 EDT by Suislide
Action Game ReviewsOh god, a fucking fifth game? Why? Why would anyone make a fifth game? I think I'm going to go back in time and abort myself so that I never have to play this game. So we all know what Silent Hill is about...crappy controls, bad camera angles, shitty attempts to be scary, all mixed in with some pretty subpar crap looking graphics! I'm sure no one wants to waste their time reading about YET another survival horror crapfest when they could better spend their time masturbating to some hot bitches. Oh by the way, this game isn't even made by the original developer. They must have realized what a shitpile this game was going to be and disassociated themselves with it.

Graphics: OH GOD....MY EYES! MY FUCKING SWEET VIRGIN EYES...WHAT IS THIS EVIL THOU HAS BESTOWED UPON ME? Oh thats right...its SHITTY FUCKING TEXTURES. Holy shit lets put a flux capacitor up my ass and travel back in time to 2000 because shit, Deus Ex has better textures then this game. Thank you developers for holding back graphics because consoles don't have any graphical power worth mentioning (360 came out in 2005...and graphics still look like they are from then). Seriously, this game has the absolute worst textures of any modern game and its embarrassing. All the ways are low-resolution are Brown and Black just mixed it their blurred shittiness. They actually invented a color called bloown...or maybe Brack...either way the environments ALL look exactly the same. You just pass through boxy corrirdor after corridor of brown and black dark hallways. Nothing very interesting to look at, the models have slightly better textures but all the characters look like they were taken straight from a generic Anime. Nothing to see here visually, it looks exactly like the last game, absolutely nothing better and thats pathetic. Oh and the art style sucks ass too.


Sound: Ugh its tough to remember anything note worthy about the sound in this game. To be honest, I didn't actually beat the game this time...I could take it...I played maybe a couple of hours, I tried guys...I fucking tried so hard to go on but its so fucking pathetic of a game I couldn't. The horror in this game relies on frantic shock sounds to scare the user so you here the same DUN! and flash of something a million times. It isn't scary and its been done a million times before. The music is boring and the voice acting sounds like Kirk Hammet trying to do a solo (SNAP!). There is nothing noteworthy here so again lets just move on from this shit. No need to spend a lot of time on this one.


Gameplay: Ugh WHY? ITS THE SAME FUCKING GAME! They have the same exact gameplay as the last game. You just walk around with a weapon, occasionally beat up a monster, and then solve crappy puzzles that aren't thought out of complicated at. Seriously, the puzzles in this game are a fucking joke that anyone can figure em out. They consist of going HEY grab this thing over here, and then use it over here! WOW THE DOORS OPEN NOW SO I CAN FIGHT SOME MORE MONSTERS IN PISS POOR COMBAT. The combat fucking sucks the pubes out of my pores. Seriously, its clunky and fucking butt chunky. The guy feels like he is swing a sledge hammer when he is only carrying a knife, you miss half the time and then the enemies are dumb as shit and take forever to attack. The bad AI in this game is simply implemented to make up for the absolute garbage controls. The inventory management system is fucked up and doesn't make any sense. You have abunch of shit in your inventory but its split into different sections somehow, who knows, its fucked. The gameplay is the exact same as the last game without ANY innovation what so ever. They tried NOTHING new and thats boring.

Story: Um, you wake up in some hospital, don't know what the fuck is going on...then you see some girl and apparently she wants some stuff from you. Then the next thing that happens is I uninstalled the game. Don't worry, I highly doubt there was any sort of worthwhile story here, it was pretty much just total feces.

They are going to keep going with this pile until we get to Silent Hill 85 and Uwe Boll (YOU FUCKING SUCK COCKS FAGGOT) will make 62 movies off of it 1/10

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Re: Silent Hill 5 (Score: 1)
by puk on Thursday, April 16 @ 02:51:27 EDT
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Uwe Boll's movie "Alone in the Dark" is so bad, that it's actually good.


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Re: Silent Hill 5 (Score: 1)
by captnPugwash_halabalobale (sniper@afghan-mountains.com) on Friday, April 17 @ 10:11:34 EDT
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"survival horror crapfest when they could better spend their time masturbating to some hot bitches" WORD! these bitches are getting sluttier and sluttier day by day

"then you see some girl and apparently she wants some stuff from you. Then the next thing that happens is I uninstalled the game" HA HA HA that was funny too ( hint bezerker )


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Re: Silent Hill 5 (Score: 1)
by fhouse on Friday, April 17 @ 12:18:27 EDT
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I'm sorry to hear this game turned out to be so bad.
Anyway I'll try it out for a run.

By the way survival horror, I'm waiting for Resident Evil 5 to come out for the PC, can't wait to kill niggaz'


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Re: Silent Hill 5 (Score: 1)
by Kasrkin on Saturday, April 18 @ 20:14:02 EDT
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"Holy shit lets put a flux capacitor up my ass and travel back in time to 2000 because shit, Deus Ex has better textures then this game."


HAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH


I have missed a review with this ingenuity since more than a year, when you began to review also good games. Back to the old times of reviews full of hate and desperation about only the worst games.


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Re: Silent Hill 5 (Score: 1)
by fhouse on Thursday, April 23 @ 05:55:35 EDT
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I've tried it.

Silent Hill 2.5 really...

Worst shader effects I've ever seen.

Frustrating combat: You need to press dodge when these fuckers attack, and they killl you in notime.

The story itself is quite ok, but unfortunately everything in the article is true. :(



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