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Mirror's Edge
Posted on Sunday, March 29 @ 13:01:06 EDT by Suislide
Action Game ReviewsSo this game decided to take parcour and make an action video game out of it. Cool ideas and some of them work well but the implementation of it sucks worse than the prostitute the sham-wow guy beat up. They decided to take the momentum and fun running and jumping every and break it up with fucking awful gun fights and trying to figure out WHAT THE FUCK DO I DO? So here it is in all its glory, Mirror's Edge.

Graphics: So the game has pretty clean looking graphics with brightly colored levels in greens and whites and bright yellows all over the place. Give's the game a really bright and sunny look to it which looks pretty decent. The only problem is this game uses way to much fucking red. It's like after using the VirtuaBoy for 30 minutes and being unable to see Red, is what this game feels like. You can turn off most of the red hints and it makes the game definitely look better when there aren't abunch of sandbags and ladders and pipes that aren't red. But anyways, the graphics look very clean and crisp and the game definitely has a unique clean office look to it. This is slightly overused in that every single level looks this way, even though they vary slightly from colors and shit they get repetitive with the same ass elevators, same looking hallways and other shit. Most of the time it's allright just sometimes you wonder why the fuck every elevator in the city is the same size and the same color. The models are all pretty sharp looking and detailed and definitely fit in with the graphics as well. The graphics are pretty damn good except for one MAJOR gripe. The cutscenes look like fucking anal ravaged molten diarrhea. Seriously, they look like a fucking e-surance commercial and its terrible. The animation is crappy, the video's aren't even high res so there is compression artifacts. It's time to stop using shitty fucking compression methods in games KTHX. Other than that the graphics are pretty nice.

Sound: The sound is all pretty nice, the gun shots sound fine, the fighting and the punching all have decent sound effects. The music fits the game really well even though techno shit sucks. But it fits the style of the game and makes the scenes feel like there is more going on especially when you are running fast and gaining momentum The ambient noises are sufficient as well. My major fucking problem with the sound is the fucking SHITTY voice acting. WHY? How many fucking times do I have suffer through this crap dialog that was written by the same people who write e-surance commercials. All the characters sound LAME and then the people they hired to write the dialog should probably be shipped off to auschwitz. The rest of the sound though is pretty decent.

Gameplay: The gameplay in this game is definitely unique in that it is basically allowing you do some parcour with some fighting moves and stuff. This all works well during chase scenes when you are running, jumping, and sliding down walls, pipes, and hang lines. During these scenes they keep the momentum going and it helps the game become a lot funner because the whole point should be that speed and that momentum you get from running and jumping everywhere. Even the fighting combat isn't bad at the beginning by punching a guy once or twice while running by really fast, and stealing his gun. This all turns to shit later in the game when they decide to put in terrible gun fighting sequences. Seriously, the combat in this game is so fucking bad, it makes what hitler did look like a positive solution to the jewish problem. They force you to have terrible gun fights with these enemies and the combat is clunky, its fucking slow, and ruins the pace of the game. You will be swearing your head off during these sequences. Then the other problem is that speed and momentum that you want to keep going is sometimes killed by going "WHERE THE FUCK DO I GO?" There are a couple of scenes like this and it really kills the excitement of running and keeping the speed going. The gameplay brings some new ideas but kills it by implementing some shitty fucking level design and terrible clunky combat. Seriously once you pick up a gun all the sudden it feels like you have cement blocks for shoes.

Story: Oh god its so fucking awful I have no idea. Apparently e-surance wanted a giant commercial for their terrible fucking animation style. Someone framed your sister for some sort of bullshit, you break her out and then it just turns to a blur. The story in this game is diluted and lame as hell, they could have atleast TRIED.

It was a struggle to finish 6/10

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Re: Mirror's Edge (Score: 1)
by captnPugwash_halabalobale ( on Sunday, March 29 @ 13:30:59 EDT
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"helps the game become a lot funner" yeah a lot funner!!

thanks for the review, saved my time and $ buying this game.

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Re: Mirror's Edge (Score: 1)
by berzerker on Monday, March 30 @ 01:46:00 EDT
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What was this "jewish problem" exactly?

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Re: Mirror's Edge (Score: 1)
by Pixelated on Thursday, April 02 @ 17:02:28 EDT
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Seriously, they look like a fucking e-surance commercial and its terrible.

Ha ha so I wasn't the only one who though of that commercial when I watched the animated cut scenes. It is stupid. JRPG's can get away with those but not for this game.

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Re: Mirror's Edge (Score: 1)
by fhouse on Thursday, April 23 @ 05:38:35 EDT
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I mostly agree with this review, but the cutscenes are quite highres, and compression artifacts rarely can be seen on them.

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