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Posted on Wednesday, March 18 @ 23:32:33 EDT by Suislide
RPG ReviewsDerinzz writes "I haven't seen any DETAILED reviews of this hunk of feces here, or on any other site as every single site that HAS a review for this crap usually licks the developer's nuts then pop it inside their assholes. So, I signed up for this awesome site (Thanks to Suislide) and I feel the need to show you the frightening evil of this "game" and how much therapy and Homosexuality-Counseling the developers need. Also I feel the need to - RIGHT NOW - WARN all of VGS and the world that this game is destroying our youth 50x faster and more forcefully than Twatlight and it's Fatass Writer.


It's a 2D side-scrolling MMO with characters that have humongous heads that, based on appearance would be 180 pounds, while the torso/legs/arms/crotch is exceptionally small to match! Wait.. A crotch?
It's quite cartoony and looks OKAY at best, and my 3-day-old shit painted green. Haha, It's the fucking length of a worm on 'roids.
The monsters you fight range from Cyclopean Tree Stumps, to Cyclopean Tree Stumps with Axes inside them to Pigs that have ribbons tied on them. What the hell.
All in all, the Graphics were likely meant to appeal to Grade 2 girls who like to show their Vaginas in public.

Some of the BGM Tracks are fairly enjoyable, but the rest make me want to take a drill and drive it through my forehead for sweet relief. The SFX of skills and monsters being hit is quite generic, but the nightmare of the Sound in this piece of crap is easily solved by turning off your sound effects and going on YouPorn or something and whack off while you play.

This is basically KAL-Online in 2D. In English, it's a cookie-cutter Korean MMO that involves you to get over your god damn ovaries and attack living mushrooms, pigs and snails with a hammer to earn money and experience to buy a bigger hammer to club them again, then you can move on to fucking TEDDY BEARS that can kill you.
Basically, you start off as a Level1 Beginner (No surprise) and do some broken quests to go up to 8/10. At level8, if you want to select your class to be a Magician, you can leave the Tutorial Area and get your Job Advancement. If not, you have to press forward to level10 and get one of the other jobs. You can select from the following jobs:

Basically a guy who likes to armour himself heavily and pretend he's David Hasselhoff while he slices and bashes stuff with his pussy sword.

The most overpowered class in the game. You can overpower and AoE every single thing and character in your sights and have them PMS at you for being a noob.

My fresh feces after going to Archery School.


This class is the most overpopulated and immature one. You get to throw Ninja Stars! Sound familiar? Yes! You get to be a cartoony, 2D embodiment of Naruto! You will have Thieves walking around with names like "XxXaZnN4Rut0PwnZxxX" or "AzNpR1D3' walking around following you and calling you a noob for no reason.

Bum-Bada-Bumm.. PIRATE!
The alternatively most overpopulated and immature class, this class is full of bandwagoners who think Brawlers are teh1337est and don't know jack shit about anything. Plus they don't even represent pirates at all.. They just dress like them.

After you select your job, you get an array of skills and a bunch of broken quests that involve.. Guess what? Killing Monsters!.. Oh, wait. That was obvious, wasn't it? Unlike GOOD MMORPGs that cater to people beyond the IQ of a mentally retarded Grade 3 kid, there is absolutely nothing like Item-Crafting here.. Just kill stuff and make money, then spend real life money on useless shit the world would be fine without. Just a cookie-cutter grindfest.

Special Mention: Company
Nexon (The Creators of this game), or at the very least, the American version is a bunch of lazy, gay pricks. If you manage to spot them (They're in LA), you will see that they have glasses, can't speak English well and are fat. Also if you have them take their pants and underwear off, you will see traces of semen all over their assholes running down to their legs. Why? Whenever YOU or someone else spends money on their games that - According to them - "Set the standard of free online gaming", they don't spend it on making their games better! Instead, they spend it on gold-plating their 2-1/2 inch dicks so that they feel rich and prestigious when they take it in the ass! This is made further unfortunate with the fact that they have MULTIPLE games, and in MapleStory alone, Nexon can make over $500 in 6 hours because of all the whores who try to look "hawt" with their pixelated, 180-pound heads in a 2D sidescrolling MMO and then lag you and spam your chatbox with Avatar-Megaphones which show their annoying faces in the most important part of your screen as they say "RATE ME HOW HAWT I LOOK Special Mention #2: Community
In the beginning, the game was pretty good with a close-knit community of kind people. The game was also rated T13+, but recently the ESRB decided "This game is too cartoony and nonviolent to be T13+", so they made it E10+! Then, Nexon decided "This means younger people can play, and Younger people are a lot dumber and easily manipulated!" So they put in dumbass ads of Chinks slapping each other in the face with Fish-shaped dildos, a fat chink having a tan with snails sleeping on his nipples, and a crossdressing, fat chink dressed to go to the beach with a pig on a leash. This brought young, immature assholes en masse and ruined the game for eternity. The people are very, very immature and can make the most sensible, self-controlled people frustrated and enraged to the point where the Governments of the US and Canada will put in an annual stray-kitten face-stabbing hunt, and all these people will partake in the - Surprisingly stress-relieving - carnage!**

Special Mention #3!: Patches/Hardware
Nexon teamed up with Pando Networks, who clearly derived their company name by the Pandas they kill to use as Sex-toys to make a special Downloader that - Based on Nexon's claims - will allow people to turbo-charge their MapleStory client downloads! I think not. When I download MS manually, I can get as much as 800KB/sec. With Pando, I can get MAXIMUM 500KB/sec, averaging at 300. Oh yeah, 300KB/sec is a lot faster than 800! Great stuff, Nexon!
Then, they cannot do a single patch without releasing HUNDREDS of easily exploitable glitches that the whole community will whine and whine about endlessly, and Nexon won't bother to get off each other's shiny, golden and shit-stained cock to fix the glitches. And when they do, they actually make the glitch split into 2 separate ones! The game is full of glitches and bugs that Nexon will not bother fixing. Great service for the MILLIONS that they can make in such a short matter of time.

The Story is that there is a Black Magician who will doom the world with his evil magic and that brave heroes must rise up and kill him! The story is pretty interesting if you google it, but really I just put it bluntly for all you to find out. But all in all, it's mostly grind, get better gear, grind more and then spend your college-savings on Nexon.

Nexon is a terrible company who ruined a game that had so much potential with the fail that they are made of. They should do the world a favor and just shut down all their games and their company. And for Christ's Sake, the BBB (Better Business Bureau) gave them an F- as an overall company rating, and Nexon bribed them to a B+! Wtf?
I'm actually surprised it wasn't Nexon, and not EA that teamed up with Mythic to create Shithammer: Age of Gay Sex, but really.. The game would actually be worse if it was Mythic + Nexon, and I'm talking worse than it already is.
There are SO MANY OTHER good MMORPGs worth a try. Ignore ALL review sites and positive comments about this game and find a better MMO to play if you are considering playing this steaming piece of diarrhoea.

Nexon -2,147,356,643/10
The game potential 6/10
The game now 0/10

** This kitten-stabbing WILL take place SOMETIME. IT WILL HAPPEN. Probably in 2011.

And sorry if I got a little off-topic or stupid during the review, this is my first time reviewing a game so.. Yeah."
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Re: MapleStory (Score: 1)
by mihai_alexandru73 on Thursday, March 19 @ 09:33:36 EDT
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I once played this game and went to level 20... it takes like killing billions of monsters to level up. It's just a time consumer... a very bad game.

I'm thinking about reviewing and Ikariam. What good MMO's would you recommend though?

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Re: MapleStory (Score: 0)
by Anonymous on Friday, December 07 @ 03:49:36 EST
lol who the fuck even reviews maplestory

like really who fucking cares about it at all???

nobody reads reviews for random korean mmos that have been out for centuries

also lol you actually think this game has "potential"

I am so done thank you this was pretty good for a laugh I guess?

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