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Far Cry 2
Posted on Sunday, October 26 @ 21:40:29 EDT by Suislide
FPS reviewsUbisoft does it again by releasing another turd. However, this turd is different in that first of all, it has nothing to do with Far Cry. Why use the name Far Cry if the game is a hundred fucking percent unrelated? The only relation that either of the games have is the hang glider. So why not just give it another name? Because Ubisoft would rather go off an already established name, and then shit all over it.

So here we have Far Cry 2, a FPS which is a sandbox game and is supposed to have some cool RPG elements thrown in. Instead we just get a shit ton of boringness and a series of paid-off reviewers. Far Cry 2 is AVERAGE in all respects!

Graphics: So the big question everyone had this whole fucking time was, which had the better graphics, Far Cry 2 or Crysis? Well the questioned is answered in that Crysis has FAR superior graphics to Far Cry 2. In almost every respect to that as well, thats right a game that is a year old now, has much superior graphics to a brand new game. The first major mistake was deciding to based this off the first CryEngine instead of developing their own from scratch...however, its so different that its the new Dunia engine...Basically an engine that offers nothing but poorer graphics and less detail that Crysis. The second major mistake was letting Ubisoft develop a game. Finally, the last major mistake that they made was to have this come out Xbox360 as well. There is no way in hell you are going to make a game look better than Crysis that is also being released on a console. Sheesh, the retard train seems to come to the station.

So now onto the actual graphics of this bullshit covered turd. The graphics are actually still pretty damn good, just not in the league of Crysis. You have a seamless open world all being rendered at once, without loading points and quite a bit of brush and detail. There is lavishly filled environments of animals, trees, villages, rivers and deserts and this is all done within the same map. Now thats pretty good, the graphics definitley are good in this game but they do have some major flaws. First of all, the clipping in this game fucking sucks the llama's dick (thanks winamp). If you ever kill an enemy in a car or near a body, their lifeless shitstain of a body will clip through the bottom of the car or the side of the building. Oh I drove through a sign post and it got stuck on the inside of my car. I guess it wanted to go on a fucking trip with me! Another is the physics for the trees and bushes. In Crysis, we are used to blowing apart a tree a million different chunks. Well this game has a linear animation that no matter where you shoot it, it fucking falls apart the same.

Now there are some cool animations in this game as well. The dying animations when you pull bullets out of yourself or when you are trying to unjam a weapon do look pretty fucking good. The only problem is that it is basically a big fucking gimmick. There's really nothing more to it than it looks cool. Also, the animation for pulling a bullet out of your ankle, the pliers actually completely miss the fucking hole so it just clips into the side of his leg. So we have a very damn good looking environment with plenty of details from rock formations, caverns, villages and all that other good shit. The problem is the color palette in this game basically consists of fucking turd brown and green. One final complaint, is there isn't enough models for the cars, you see the same shitty cars in different colors driving around. Oh and having a brand name bullshit advertising in your game for Jeep is just fucking annoying. Why is the only name brand a Jeep? Fuck that.

Overall the graphics are pretty damn good, with plenty of vegation, rivers, villages and all that. The models for the villages and guns and everything all look really good with some cool ass animations to watch for dying its just plagued by massive clipping issues and the lack of varied colors. Oh yeah, and the game doesn't even have fucking proper widescreen support. How shitty of a developer do you have to be to not implement widescreen support? Luckily there is a fix for it, but honestly, don't be so fucking lazy and implement one of the most basic features of games today.

Sound: Ugh, unluckily for all of us, the graphics are about the only good aspect of game. The rest ranges from absolutely mediocre to fly-covered cat shit. The dialog in this game is just fucking pathetic. It's more pathetic than the reviews by PC Gamer, IGN, and Gamespy combined. Or a crack whore trying to score a hit, who gives a shit..take your pick they are both equal. Seriously, the dialog in this game is just utter ass. Characters talk about stuff and you just can't help but not give a shit because the script is just so terrible. They talk about blowing up random things and other things but its so fucking lame. Characters just swear needlessly in places (WHAT THE FUCK? Yeah thats coming from me) To the point where it just sounds fucking awkward. The voice acting is also absolute puke. Your character is a mute who never says a thing but all the enemies repeat such original phrases such as "DIE!" or "WHAT DO WE DO!?" What do you do? What the fuck? Shoot at me thats what. Oh yeah and the Irish accent on this guy in the 2nd act is so pathetic I wanted to ram a fucking pencil in my brain until I couldn't feel anything. The music is also completely forgettable as it really doesn't add much to the game. Oh except that it lets you know when enemies are near by as it kicks in every time one even fucking farts in your direction. The gunshots and explosions are all allright sounding, nothing too special about them but there really is nothing to complain about. The vehicles on the other hand have the same fucking sound that just hums when you drive. I don't know about your car...but mine tends to have gears and RPMs which tends to change the sound. The sound is pretty lame in this game, nothing special at all.

Gameplay: Prepare yourself, its Far Cry 2. GET READY FOR IT. That's right prepare yourself for a fucking nap because this game works better than a bullet to the brain for getting to sleep. Prepare yourself for the most non-revolutionary gaming experience you will ever have in your life. This game takes the idea of Boring, shoves it up your ass, and makes you shit it back out again and take a good fucking whiff of it. So the game is basically a FPS shooter sandbox with some RPG elements thrown in. So in the game, you can carry a knife, a pistol, a assault rifle and one type of special weapon. You can roam around the world freely doing side quests to make money or unlock new weapons which you have a stock pile of at all weapon areas. You can pick up ammo, grenades, molotov cocktails, and you use syrettes that you can carry with you. You can drive around in a vehicle, use a turret on top and then shoot the shit out of every around you. You can get safe houses and upgrade them by doing quests to help your best buddy. You can also do the main questions to advance the story. Or you can just roam around freely and explore the world. One of the coolest things you can do is set all the brush and trees on fire with a molotov cocktail which can be fun to kill enemies. All of these sound like great ideas, but throw them together and you actually have a big fucking rock solid turd to play. Instead of my normal giant paragraph of shitting on a game because it sucks, I'm going to be a little more organized and go by a point-by-point system. It's a more efficient way to show how this game is just an absolute FUCKING TURD.

Enemy Respawning: Seriously, who though this was a good idea? You should be slapped in the fucking teeth because its HORRIBLE. Prepare for massive irritation because all of the enemies in this game respawn every 30 fucking seconds. There is a shit ton of guard posts you pass in the game to get your objective, and you expect to clear them out one time and move on to your mission. WELL UBISOFT SAYS GO FUCK YOURSELF. You can shoot everyone at the post, come back a couple of minutes later after completing a portion of the question and BAM, they are all fucking back. The same enemies spawn, the same cars that ram your fucking truck appear. Respawning enemies is the worst fucking idea anyone could ever think of it. It is honestly pretty much the lamest gameplay idea they could have thrown in this game. You pass these guard points MANY TIMES for one single quest and you have to shoot the same enemies and the same trucks a billion fucking times.

Travel Time SUCKS: Every fucking quest you do, if you choose it on one side of the map is always on the other side. This might have been some bullshit way to make the game longer but every mission you spend driving 85% of the time and then fighting the rest of the time. Driving through a jungle is FUCKING BORING...why the hell must they do this? It doesn't fucking help that you have deal with the engine on the cars fucking breaking down every 2 seconds. Seriously, whats the point? Every 2 fucking seconds the car is a fucking smoking mess. So you bust out your wrench and apparently turning a random bolt in the engine can fucking magically fix it in seconds. I'm no mechanic, but this seems pretty cool. Yeah right, what a fucking useless gimmick. Not to mention, the constant bullshit respawns make it worse.

AI is fucking puke: Ubisoft seems to have something fucking wrong with their brain when it comes to developing AI because once again its TERRIBLE. The enemies do that laser targeting bullshit just like in Vegas 2, where if you are behind an object they will still aim and fire at you. They will be facing a fucking fence, running into it, while you are on the other side of the village, shooting at fucking wall of the fence. They never take cover, and just stand there and fucking shoot at with their magically fucking accurate aim...they hit you every time. Also, the AI for the drivers is TERRIBLE, if there is something blocking their path on the road they will drive into for 10 seconds, doing nothing, until then they just get out of the car and stand next to it. Also whats fucking bullshit is, you pick up one of their rusty weapons, it jams up. However, the enemies never have a fucking weapon jam! It always fires perfectly accurate! I had an enemy facing me, at point blank, shooting at the ground instead of at me. Yeah..seriously, the AI is that fucking terrible. Oh and get this shit, apparently a knife swing counts as a gunshot. You can be completely hidden, swing the knife, and hit NOTHING, and somehow the enemies hear you. The AI is PUKE.

Enemies take too many bullets: Apparently cloth is better than a fucking nano suit as your enemies can take an entire clip of pistol bullets in the chest, a good 5 or 6 rounds from an ak-47 or better yet...more than one bullet in the head! Do these guys have two fucking brains? Why the fuck does a headshot not kill instantly? Because Ubisoft is RETARDED THATS WHY!

Poor Physics The physics in this game are just AWFUL. First of all...all the vehicles go the same speed, and get to that speed in 2 seconds. Oh and if you are driving and you hit a small rock, your car stops instantly. I actually hit a cactus and apparently this cactus was made out of cement because the car stopped and that thing didn't even move. Crashing two of the trucks together at full speed pretty much has barely any ill effects on the player or the truck. The only thing that really seems to get these pieces of shit smoking is a couple of bullets to the trailer. Yeah these must be magical fucking bullets because shooting the end of the truck damages the engine. Best yet is, you can't even shoot out the tires on a car. WHAT? YOU CANT FUCKING SHOOT OUT THE TIRES. The tires must be made of a fucking steel because shooting the tires also makes the engine start smoking. This game is honestly that fucking dumb. Hitting humans or animals with a car has no impact on the speed of the vehicle. God damn, if only it was like that in real life.

Boring Missions: Every mission is exactly the damn same. Drive to a location, blow something up, or help your friend, and then blow something up. Thats all you fucking do every mission. There isn't even multiple ways to approach the situation like in Crysis, you can't sneak in and take people out slowly. You either just go in shooting people, or basically throw some nades. Thats really your only options for taking out the enemies. TALK ABOUT BORING. All the missions for the weapon unlocks are puke as well. Every mission you go attack a convoy thats driving in circles. Why the fuck do I need to take it out then? They solved that problem. It will just drive in a fucking circle until it runs out of gas, so the whole mission is pointless.

So as can be seen these huge fucking nuances make the game just an unplayable mess. There is also a 2nd act which opens a whole new game area, that is exactly identical to the first one. Its the same fucking thing its so pathetic. Theres a city in the middle, with four bus points on the corners and then abunch of random guard posts and roads. Both of the maps are the EXACT same crap. Infact the shit happens twice. When you get to the main city in the game, there is a war and you have to escape the city. Wow, way to be original you cock suckers. The gameplay is just piled with these problems and it just makes the game so completely boring that you wan't to vomit.

Story: You are some Merc who is sent to Africa to take out some dude named the Jackal who is selling weapons to both of the factions. Well for some stupid ass reason, you get malaria, act like a pussy and can't finish the mission. So then you do these stupid ass missions for people to find where the Jackal is, but cause some wars between the two stupid factions in the meantime. The story is honestly presented in a terrible way and its also completely boring.

There is only one word which can ever be used to describe this game and its TURD. 3/10

There are some further problems we need to take a look at, at how much GameSpy, IGN, PC Gamer and basically all the major review places are getting paid. There is obviously someone dishing out some fucking cash for this puke to get some decent review scores. That's right...JUST LIKE SPORE, this game is getting 8s and 9s when everyone who actually plays the game says its a fucking turd.

Actual quote from PC Gamer, "Far Cry 2 hasn't just exceeded my expectations, it's blown them away." PC GAMER 94% "

Another for good measure from PC Gamer UK, "After playing Far Cry 2, I'm simply unable to go back to straight and simple first-person shooters. This game has executed my expectations. "

Are you fucking kidding me? Blown away your expectations? The only thing you are blowing is Ubisoft's DICK. FUCK OFF COCKSUCKER. No one wants your bullshit, people look to you for legit reviews and instead you shovel them a line of BULLSHIT. This game offers nothing new or revolutionary.

Actual quote from Gamespy "(careful -- the enemy AI is smart enough to flank you if you stay in one nest too long). WHAT?!

The enemy AI isn't smart enough to make a fucking PB&J sandwich to let let alone flank my position. Anyone who actually played the game KNOWS the AI is ABSOLUTE PUKE.

And Finally from a forum I tend to frequent, I will provide you with some actual gamer testimony of this great game.

"this compared to crysis is like a stinking turd in a sandwich compared to the finest meal in the history of the world."

"With this game, I uninstalled it after 45 minutes, I just couldn't stand how crap it was."

"A zebra once ran into my stationary vehicle and died."

"I didn`t like it at all, Booring game,"

"The game isn't worth your time and money. It's a eye candy coated turd. Spend your cash on booze and stuff instead."

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Article Rating
Average Score: 3.98
Votes: 61

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Re: Far Cry 2 (Score: 1)
by D ( on Sunday, October 26 @ 22:48:38 EDT
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It seems that every nubisoft game has that same fucking AI - all it does is magically detect you from infinity miles away and start shooting 100% accurate automatic fire at you until you shoot it in the face.

The videogames industry sucks.

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Re: Far Cry 2 (Score: 1)
by Kasrkin on Monday, October 27 @ 11:44:59 EDT
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"A zebra once ran into my stationary vehicle and died."


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Re: Far Cry 2 (Score: 1)
by berzerker on Tuesday, October 28 @ 07:49:53 EDT
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Also on usenet ( to be more precise) this game got a lukewarm receipt.

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Re: Far Cry 2 (Score: 1)
by captnPugwash_halabalobale on Tuesday, October 28 @ 14:55:49 EDT
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thanks for playing this game and suffering. your a saint suislide, you helped us and pointed your souls in the right direction by not playing this game. peace be on your soul, amen! halla-mafuckin-lullea!

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PC Gamer 94% = 100% Sellout (Score: 1)
by Pixelated on Tuesday, October 28 @ 20:00:58 EDT
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Remember when Assassins Creed was given an honest review from 1UP.Com? Ubisoft got all pissy and whinny like a little bitch and then told them they wouldn't get anymore games to review because they didn't lick Ubi's shriveled French balls. Seems selling out on game reviews is becoming the norm and honest reviews are in the minority. This game at best is a 65%. That's waaaay fucking off from a 90%, let alone a 94%.

Fuck Ubisoft and EA. They're both assholes.

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Re: Far Cry 2 (Score: 1)
by Rycon on Wednesday, October 29 @ 11:58:55 EDT
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Omg I cannot believe those faggots gave it such a good review..

I can ONLY understand them giving it a good review if they only played it for uhh.. 10 mins? Mabye 20?

I was having a blast at first, I was like holy shit this is cool, blowin shit up and havin a ball... and then i realized thats all there is to it.. you can experiance the entire game within the first 30 mins of playing.

Its very obvious the creators only made this game to show off there graphics shit, the rest probly took them what.. 2 weeks to code? Or not even that, they probly copy and pasted the code from Farycry 1. After you figure out that the AI is dumb as shit.. theres not even a feeling of danger..

They need the quit the gaming business and start making crap for Discovery channel, because thats all there good for.

What I dont understand is how a game like Crysis comes out and then this dog shit?

This game coulda been GREAT, if only they had actuley coded something instead of slapping cardboard vehicles in there with ZERO physics.

I drove off road to get away from the BAZZILION guard posts and hit a tree the size of a fucking toothpick and stoped my OH SO POWERFULL jeep fagler dead in its tracks.

Ubisoft sucks huge dick, this is the kinda crap that is killing PC gaming, money schemes to rape noobs of a real gaming experience.

How hard would of it had been to finish the game properly? Not fucking hard at all, but they are just lazy and dont give a shit, just RELEASE THAT POS.. who cares if its feels like its in BETA or mabye 50% done.

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Re: Far Cry 2 (Score: 1)
by puk on Thursday, October 30 @ 19:29:37 EDT
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Dude I was checking this site every day cuz I knew once you got your hands on this game you'd have a field day with it.

This game sucks ass.

I'm bashing it left, right and center on the PC forums in Gamespot. I tried doing the same in the console forums, but those kids are so devoted, they can't take even the slightest bit of criticism.

my screen name is paskari.

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Re: Far Cry 2 (Score: 1)
by puk on Thursday, October 30 @ 19:40:38 EDT
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also props for exposing those gay reviewers.

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Re: Far Cry 2 (Score: 1)
by wyck on Saturday, November 01 @ 01:38:36 EDT
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LOL awesome review, agree 100% what a waste.

I got so bored after an hour I just shot everthing, Id shoot my buddy then revive him over and over till they all died and all the freindly npc's.

Havent played since felt like a gay jungle driving game from 1990.

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Re: Far Cry 2 (Score: 1)
by mihai_alexandru73 on Sunday, November 02 @ 14:58:50 EST
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Great review. I agree, it's nothing more than a 5/10. It's just too boring to play. The missions are all the same. Drive and kill. Drive and kill. Drive and kill.

The only interesing things are that you suffer from malaria and you have to take those pills all the time, that your weapon can get jammed and even explode and that you get rescued by your buddy when you are dying.

But that's about it for inovation, from that point forward it's just drive and kill... it's a really boring game, you play 1 mission, you get bored as hell and quit but then you return because the game looks fancy and stuff because of the graphics... it's just too boring to play. It's unplayable to the end because of the extreme boredom.

P.S. Those that give this game 8 or 9/10 reviews are fucking assholes or they are bribed by Ubisoft or both.

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Re: Far Cry 2 (Score: 1)
by Pixelated on Tuesday, November 04 @ 12:13:54 EST
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Also, this game is such a fucking XBox port. All throughout the game you'll see screens that say something like"Don't forget to save your game when you reach a safe house". Why when I can fucking save anytime I want by hitting F5 or going into the menu. Why should I drive to the other end of the god damn map to a safe house? I mean is that what Ubisoft thought people wanted to do is just drive?

No I won't use F5 I want to drive all over the place. FUN!

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  • Re: Far Cry 2 by mihai_alexandru73 on Tuesday, November 04 @ 12:44:04 EST

Far Cry Patch finally released (Score: 1)
by puk on Wednesday, November 05 @ 17:30:30 EST
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So Ubisoft got its act together and released a patch. Check out these hilarious comments regarding it.

-Weighing in at 42MB, this update features a truck-load of bug fixes... (

-The retail version sports boring old Zebra and Deer that simply flop over when you peg them with a rifle (we've tried). Apparently, Far Cry's devs told us, this is so that players don't get too distracted and go off maiming giraffes. (

-patch does not remove the needless driving, or rapidly respawning guard posts (

-HELP!! (

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Re: Far Cry 2 (Score: 1)
by Pogma9 on Saturday, November 22 @ 03:57:23 EST
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Can't see how FC2 can be marked down to 3/10 despite it's flaws.
It certainly don't deserve much hype, but it's an okay FPSer game, granted I'd wait for a price drop on it.

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Re: Far Cry 2 (Score: 1)
by chrissirch9 on Wednesday, January 14 @ 19:56:21 EST
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HA HA HA, great review. I was gonna review this shit pile of ass but your review hits the nail on the head perfectly. This game is a turd sandwich.

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Re: Far Cry 2 (Score: 1)
by berzerker on Tuesday, April 20 @ 01:46:26 EDT
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A link to this review here:

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Re: Far Cry 2 (Score: 1)
by sixor on Saturday, November 12 @ 09:27:11 EST
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3 times i have tried to play this crap, 3 times uninstall it

boring game ever

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Re: Far Cry 2 (Score: 0)
by Anonymous on Wednesday, June 18 @ 00:55:05 EDT

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