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The Incredible Hulk
Posted on Wednesday, June 18 @ 18:04:09 EDT by Suislide
Action Game ReviewsWhat the fuck IS THIS!? What is this fucking torture they must put people through. I must be a fucking masochist to suffer through this games this bad. Infact, this isn't even a game...its a fucking interactive torture simulator. So of course, whever a big hit movie hits the market they have to released some rushed, awful pile of dog shit video game to come out along side the movie. Well...they did it...and now the whole fucking world must suffer with this piece of shit being in existence.

Graphics: Holy flaming fucking cow balls someone call Valve because they just found another game using the HL1 engine. This game seriously looks bad. Real fucking bad. Like I would be fucking embarrassed to release a game that looks like it came out in 2000. First of all...every single damn level in this game is a series of boxes and rectangles. Thats it. That's the level design. The guy making the maps for this fucking piece of shit must have just bought a new pair of shoes, picked up the box for them, observed, contemplated, and then realized he could fucking make the levels look just like that shoebox he has! Talk about awful level design, i wanted to ram a fucking screwdriver down my throat and vomit up blood its so bad. Not to mention, each level is covered in random objects that seem to explode when they come in contact with the hulk. The textures are all gray and green. Here we have 32bit color with fucking millions of shades of color and they choose 2 of those colors. This game looks like a playstation 2 game and thats fucking BAD. The animations are dog shit as well. A helicopter comes in the hangar you start in, and to destroy it, I grabbed some low polygon box looking thing, couldn't tell what the hell it was. Anyways I jumped up to hit with the box, and it just sort of clipped through the helicopter and then it blew up. WHO THE FUCK BETA-TESTED THIS SHIT!?

Sound: The sound sucks too. The music is just...well its just there..and thats all anyone could ever say about that. The voice acting of course is complete and utter llama shit. Lou Ferigno is a flaming faggot and takes the hulk's big green dick in his ass. Atleast, that is what the voice acting sounds like. The sound in pretty much all areas is LAME. LAME LAME LAME. All the sounds from jumping and smashes stuff all sound like they were recorded in 11khz and with a microphone shoved up my ass. The audio is just so low quality, and so piss poor it just hurts to even think about it.

Gameplay: So basically you just run around as the hulk the whole game smash things. You get all his signature moves like the hulk clap...oh wait..thats the only fucking move he has. So you can either punch people, pick up some shitty low-polygon objects, or do the hulk clap, and jump. Thats it. Its fucking boring, the hulk controls like a lump of fucking shit. A big green shit. That's all you do the whole game is just run around being the shitty hulk. The best part is you can't change your controls! You are stuck with the god awful set up which is made for someone with three fucking hands. WHO THE FUCK HAS THREE HANDS? The whole game consists of some boxy hangar you start in, to running around in boxed off areas of new york city, and thats it! Of course, your hulk guy can level up in which gives him new combo moves to perform. They are, however, all completley gay and mostly useless. This gameplay is more stale than the corpse of Heath Ledger.

Story: The story is, you are edward norton from fight club, and you turn into a big green piece of shit. Now that you are big green fucking turd, everyone wants to kill you, but you don't want them to. So then you just smash your way through some shitty places until you stop the people out to get you. HOORAY. HOW FUCKING BORING!

This shouldn't even be considered a game, this is like basically getting diarrhea in a box 1/10

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Re: The Incredible Hulk (Score: 1)
by flaming_ass_packet on Saturday, June 21 @ 16:51:35 EDT
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i dont know whats worse... this game, or your review.

u need to shove more ritalin up your ass next time you get the urge to post.

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