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Portal
Posted on Wednesday, October 24 @ 23:08:36 EDT by Suislide
FPS reviewsThe motherfucking cake is a lie. Hell yeah another piece of the Orange Box I now review and it kicks ass as well. Portal is a puzzle game that uses portals in case you are completely retarded...so in essence im referring to about 99% of the visitors of this site. Well Portal may just be a puzzle game but it fucking rocks.

Graphics: I'm making a note here. Huge Success. The graphics in this game are fucking great just like everything else in the Orange box. All the hallways and levels are detailed in that clean white lab looking way. All the textures on everything...the levels, companion cube, and the portal gun all look extremely sharp. Not to mention, the models for the various boxes, the chick all look damn good as well. Also with the motion blur effects in the new source games helps to add more graphic good shitness to the game. Basically the graphics are sharp and detailed and just feel right for being the Aperture Science testing lab. If you they don't feel right to you then that means you are a faggot.


Sound: The audio in this game is fucking TOP SHELF. The music in the game kicks ass, the portal sounds and basically everything has a good sound to it. But what really makes the game is the voice acting done by the computer and the turret guns as well as the dialog. This is finally a game that is actaully FUCKING HILARIOUS. The Cake is a Lie. The computer that is constantly guiding you threw is fucking comedy gold. "Remember when I was all like I was going to kill you, and you were like oh no, and I was like ha just kidding." I don't remember exactly what it says but it was fucking funny. This game definitely has some great writers Whoever wrote this dialog...someone call 10 hot bitches to have them give him some sex. And Yes I call them bitches because that is now the proper term for a woman...atleast what all this rap music has been telling me. One last note to make...the song at the end is fucking class.


Gameplay: The basic premise of the game is to solve the puzzles using the Aperture Science portal gun. The tests are just done completely right. They aren't too hard yet not too easy. They are definitely fun to figure out and some of them can be quite MIND FUCKING BLOWING! Anyways the puzzles all rock as well does the boss fight at the end of the game where you use your portal gun to send the rockets through to hit the boss. Thats just genius right there. The only problem is this game is really short however it is damn fun the entire time.


Story: You are some woman and you wake up in a testing lab. Then you grab a portal gun and solve some tests. Don't know the story but somehow the aperture science facility ties in with Black Mesa and Half-Life 2.

Portal is fucking great. 10/10

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Half-Life 2

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Average Score: 4.7
Votes: 70


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Re: Portal (Score: 1)
by GaMeRuInEr (suckmycock@donkeyrape.com) on Friday, October 26 @ 23:28:41 EDT
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the main chick in portal made me blow my load


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Re: Portal (Score: 1)
by DORPWNZYORUASS on Sunday, October 28 @ 03:56:18 EDT
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Dude you are just a valve fanboy


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  • Re: Portal by GaMeRuInEr on Sunday, October 28 @ 14:20:46 EDT

Re: Portal (Score: 1)
by captnPugwash_halabalobale on Wednesday, January 02 @ 20:14:34 EST
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great game, really enjoyed it. in fact i never felt this way since i played deus ex1. totally innovate and has a storyline that is tight with the game. the music and voice fx in the game are very well done indeed. i would rate this over hl2e2 easily. this is how devs should try to be innovative with game design


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