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Posted on Wednesday, September 26 @ 14:44:09 EDT by Suislide
Action Game ReviewsHoly shit. Now I love the movie hard-boiled so you could only imagine my excitement to find out they were making a game based on it. Then I forgot how fucking bad games based on movies ALWAYS are. John Woo, why did you deliver this game? Its no different then sending everyone who bought the game aids.

Graphics: Now we have another game using the Unreal Engine 3 so I'm sure everyone expect it to atleast look as good as Bioshock...right? Well it doesn't. It looks like fucking dog crap. Now the environments such as outdoor shops, indoor shops, and other random locations all have a shit ton of objects in them...and tons that can be destroyed or used to your advantage. Now this is definatley a good thing as everyone likes destructible environments. The only problem with this is the coated the walls, objects, and characters with a nice coat of shitty textures. Thats right...perpare to be dazzled by the detail of the world that has some shitty brown/green/gray color mix for the stupid walls mixed with some flashly lights and signs all topped of which abunch of fucking character enemies that look EXACTLY the same. I've swear I've killed the same guy in this game atleast about 3000 times. The graphics don't look clean or sharp...and even with all the objects in the environment there is a severe lack of polish that isn't there. Basically whoever made this thought it would a great idea to just fucking make it look like shit. Seriously, beam me fucking back to a PS2 because thats what the textures in this game belong on. The environments are fucking horrid and whoever designed them should eat a full serving of severed dick...or paris hiltons vagina...whichever one is worse. Oh yeah, lets use fucking pre-rendered scenes using the in-game engine for cutscenes! Thats a professional touch there when parts of the models are clipping through the guns they are hold. Kill your self. Overall this game doesn't look anything special at all with a a coat of textures that was grabbed from the shit bucket and lame environments.

Sound: Holy fucking dog fart. The voice acting is just as fucking horrid as it was the movie Hard-Boiled as well. Atleast, John Woo was able to keep that garbage intact. Seriously, the voice acting in this game sounds worse then listening to a baby scream when you put him in the microwave. Rubbing my fucking jizzy pubic hairs against the microphone could produce better voice acting. Not to mention, the dialog is completely forgettable. The music is nothing past mediocre either. As for the environment and enemy sounds they range in the mediocre as well.

Gameplay: Wow...its like someone took Max Payne and decided to make it FUCKING HORRIBLE. Who designed the gameplay for this? A woman? Because it sucks. So you run around through narrow linear paths as Inspector Tequila (Chow Yun-Fat what happened? You used to kick ass) and run around and shoot enemies. Thats it....thats about all there is to this both deep and thought-provoking game. You can carry two shitty weapons at a time because to be honest you wont even notice a difference between any of them. The cool super special features is how you can use your environments to slide around, ride down rails, and shoot things to fall on people. OH did I mention its fucking lame. The bullet time in this game (gayly named Tequila Time) happens EVERY time you put your cross hairs on an enemy so say goodbye to any challenge. You can run on railings for absolutely no reason and shoot the continually spawning enemies that come out of doors you can't go in. This is next-gen when you have spawning stupid enemies? AWFUL FUCKING BORING GAMEPLAY. Hell the first boss I just slide left and right across a table constantly as he fired and missed with EVERY rocket. This game fucking sucks worse than Kid Rock.

Story: Your bitch gets kidnapped by stupid thugs and you go around killing until you get her. YAWN.

This is like a poor mans Max Payne 4/10

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Re: Stranglehold (Score: 1)
by captnPugwash_halabalobale on Wednesday, September 26 @ 15:28:06 EDT
(User Info | Send a Message)
maybe you should Strangle&hold Stranglehold's creators.
i am stll curious why 4/10 and not 2/10?

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