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Posted on Sunday, August 26 @ 18:39:40 EDT by Suislide
FPS reviewsFuck yeah its about time this game came out and lemme tell you it fucking dominates. It dominates your dad while hes chained to the door while your mother kicks him in the balls. Its an FPS/RPG hybird with the MAJORITY of it being a first person shooter and its fucking great. Its not System Shock 2 but its still damn good as its own game.

Gameplay: Bioshock uses the Unreal Engine 3 and it looks fucking nice. It has high-res textures everyone to make the entire game look fucking great. Though there is some low-res ones but who gives a shit unless you are one of this nit-picking faggots who looks at the corner of a piece of wood in the game and notices they used a low-res texture. The models aren't anything special but mixed with all the bump mapping and textures you create some kick ass creepy looking enemies. Now another thing is the game runs fucking fantastic (however AA doesn't work). All these shitty ass console ports run like dog dick and look like it too..while not this game. This game has great fucking graphics are runs so god damn smooth that it makes me grow a mutant pussy which will soon conquer all of earth. The major reason the graphics look so damn nice is the art-direction and style mixed with the kick ass engine they used. Mixing some gay ass sixty retro-shit with an underwater city is the reason this game looks so damn good. The environments are very well done with details everywhere and are decently large as well. The medical pavillion alone is covered with blood and stretchers to add to the environment. Or you also got Haphasteus level with abunch of machines that all look like they would be designed by some shitheads in the sixties. The art-director for this game deserves a handshake and a dick suck. The characters are all designed damn well too with the creepy ass splicers and the big daddies fucking little girls. Also the design for the weapons and turrets is great as it looks like some design of abunch of junk fit together and it works damn well with the game. So with its mix of great ass performance, creepy looking characters, and damn well done enviornments this game looks damn good.

Sound: The voice acting is damn well done. Andrew Ryan, Atlas, Tenebaum, Dr Shclong or whatever, all have fucking great voice acting. They portray the damn character exactly how you would picture them and actually put some damn good emphasis into it. Not to mention throughout all the tapes littered throughout Rapture you learn a shit-ton about everything that was going on through all the various characters. The dialog is damn well written too with each of the characters tapes interesting to listen to (Same thing as the Audio files from SS2!) For once I finally don't want to cut my damn dick off and put it in a BlendTec because the voice acting is so bad. Its been a damn long time since a game with this good of voice acting came out. Another perfect part? The retarded ramblings of the splicers is fucking great as well. They ramble depend on their profession and as they are attacking you. Its quite creepy if you are a pussy unlike me. I ran right unto the splicers and smashed them with my giant dick and drank their blood to gain power. Part of that is made up. Anyways the ambient sounds as well are all fucking great with the vending machines and the 50/60s music that plays throughout in various locations. Also the gatherers gardens have a fucking jingle to them which fits the environment perfectly. The weapons sounds also have some fucking UMPH to them for once. Basically all the weapon sounds, top fucking notch voice acting, the ambient sounds, the dialog is all fucking great.

Gameplay: In a sense, this game basically plays like a simplified version of System Shock 2. But do not despare! Its not also console-lized piece of shit like that fucking pile Deus Ex:IW was. The game is bascially a first person shooter but with some RPG elements thrown like in NOLF2. You have plasmids which are your magical spell type things and you can upgrade these or get different ones throughout which are needed to go through different obstacles and shit. Theres also the Physical, Offensive, Energeering and whatever other tonics which help give boosts to health kits, hacking, your weapons, the damage you take and other shit like that. You also harvest adam to upgrade your plasmids or your health and shit like that from the little girls running around. You should kill all them bitches because they will grow up and ruin the world like all women do. Also you can do hacking as well to turrets and cameras, safes and locks in order to get by them or find new areas and other such shit. Then you mix all this shit in with the first person shooter part of the game and you get some kick ass-ass-kicking that you can do. There is abunch of different weapons that all have different ammo types depending on the enemy you fight. So basically you can blow away any mother fucker as long as you have the ammo for it. You can also research the enemies by taking pictures of them to get damage bonuses and new tonics and other shit. Also you can upgrade your weapons for even more ass kicking. All this ass kicking set in a badass enviornments with some bitches that need to be blown away makes for a damn good game. There is a good variety of enemies from the houdini splicers, thuggish splicers, big daddies, and all the other bitches who are running are the city of Rapture. This all creates one kick ass game.

Story: Its about fucking time a game has a good ass story because there hasn't been one in a long fucking time. You start out on a plane which crashes and you end up taking a boat thing down to rapture of which you become trapped in afterwards. So you fucking fight your way through guided by some shit-tard named Atlas trying to help me so you both can get out of there. The story is also helped to be told through the tape players that are all laying around throughout the game. In the end you kill Andrew Ryan who created the city but it turns out you were being controlled the whole time and your memory was just made up as you were born in the city and helped to be created by Atlas who is Fontaine and you kill his ass too. I ruined it you cunts so suck my cock. The point is the story is damn good.

Kick ass FPS with a good story, audio, graphics, gameplay makes a kick ass game that isn't short for once. A damn good 20 to 25 hours of game play from this game Though its not system shock 3 9.5/10

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Re: BioShock (Score: 1)
by Suislide (FUCK YOU@penis in my on Sunday, August 26 @ 18:58:02 EDT
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The first coded door the pass is 0451 which I believe is the same as in System Shock 2

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Re: BioShock (Score: 1)
by Suislide (FUCK YOU@penis in my on Monday, August 27 @ 20:26:18 EDT
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They love me!

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Re: BioShock (Score: 1)
by vassili on Tuesday, August 28 @ 17:40:22 EDT
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I think it is you that needs a dick suck for this review GG Cheers.

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Re: BioShock (Score: 1)
by flaming_ass_packet on Tuesday, September 04 @ 09:48:52 EDT
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lol 9.5/10???!?!??!

the game disk MUST of been bio engineered from colon material because its obvious suislide stuck his cock inside of it.

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  • Re: BioShock by captnPugwash_halabalobale on Saturday, February 02 @ 07:46:27 EST

Re: BioShock (Score: 1)
by fhouse on Thursday, September 13 @ 11:31:30 EDT
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"The art-director for this game deserves ... "

You are a funny ass motherfucker!!! Great review and I see you were familiar with System Shock 2. Gratz!

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