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Two Worlds
Posted on Sunday, July 22 @ 10:51:40 EDT by Suislide
RPG ReviewsThis game should be renamed Two Turds because this game sucks cock. This game was probably made by some foreign developer with a budget the size of my nutsack. Just kidding, My nuts are fucking huge. Do we honestly need another generic shitty action RPG?

Graphics: So this game attempts to have visuals as in Oblivion except they failed worse than Snoop Dog's Hood of Horros (What a piece of shit). So you take the visuals of oblivion and make them about half as good, but then also take the performance of Oblivion and cut it in and you have Two Worlds. It looks shittier than Oblivion yet somehow manages to run like shit as well. Seriously, you start in some SHITTY looking cave with absolutely NO DETAILS or objects. Just a small camp of some generic looking goblin type creatures in the corner. So then you go out in the open world afterwards and are faced with a world of shit. Its a big lush environment with trees and animals which is great....except the trees and the shadows look like COMPLETE and UTTER SHIT. Seriously all the shadows are pixelated as hell and the trees, not sure what it is about them but the leaves look like ass(I have the details on full BTW). Now the worse part of the graphics is the animation. Fuck my ass, the animation is BAD. Seriously, there is a move where its supposed to be a jump backwards...well your character just fucking magically floats backwards! Better yet is the swinging animation....the same three swinging strike EVERY ATTACK YOU MAKE. The animations are more repetitive than a Bukkake video. So you have a game that runs like crap and doesn't look as good, has piss poor animations, lame rocky empty environments, and boring looking towns. Oh, lets not forget the obvious loading points...See the game almost seems seamless...but you will be walking and all the sudden the game pauses and loads for a about 10 seconds. Seamless my ass. The only thing that looks OK is the character models...and they are only mediocre.


Sound: Someone cue up the generic medieval sounds because this game is full of them. The same grunting sound every time you get hit by an enemy..same swinging sounds over and over. Though that isn't the worst part of it. The voice-acting in this game sounds like it was done by some foreigner who just learned English. Seriously, I burst out laughing until my ball sack tensed up and shot my testicles out my ass because the voice-acting was so utterly pitiful. The worst part is the dialog. They try to talk medieval by adding generic medieval words like "Pray, tell me" and "Forsooth." The problem is the way they use them it sounds so fucking stupid. I'm honestly speechless at how piss poor the voice acting is. Let me just say though it is about twice as worse as Dungeon Siege 2.


Gameplay: This game has the worst fucking combat on the face of the planet. You just run up and use a generic attack mode at enemies...and thats it...oh you can use magic but it sucks dick. So you just chop things up. Now this game claims to be an RPG but has about as much leveling-up depth as Dungeon Siege...Put 4 points into your generic attributres for health or mana! Then there is also some skill set system that makes no fucking sense...they do not explain how the fuck it works...it justs a big table of circles that you have no clue what leads to what. Not to mention the inventory and quest screens are clunky as hell and look huge and consolish. The combat in this game is just so boring... you just run and around and use your crappy generic attack and sometimes use the floaty jump back...its honestly the most run-of-the-mill crap that has been done a million times before. There is absolutely nothing interesting about this game, your generic action rpg crap.


Story: I was laughing too damn hard during the dialog to tell what the hell was going on so who gives a fuck. The story probably sucks dick too.

This game is FECES 3/10

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Re: Two Worlds (Score: 1)
by Kasrkin on Sunday, July 22 @ 14:20:47 EDT
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"Seriously, I burst out laughing until my ball sack tensed up and shot my testicles out my ass because the voice-acting was so utterly pitiful."

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA That's my Suislide.


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Re: Two Worlds (Score: 1)
by ButtJeebs on Monday, July 23 @ 23:24:41 EDT
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hehe, Suilslide is clear out of balls now. He must get a new pair everytime he reviews a game, as they seem to have something dreadful happen to them every review...


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Re: Two Worlds (Score: 1)
by vassili on Wednesday, July 25 @ 10:42:45 EDT
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Another great truthful and funny review, won't step within 100 yards of this crap thanks suislide !


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Re: Two Worlds (Score: 1)
by draikonm on Tuesday, August 07 @ 20:11:29 EDT
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Oh ho this is good, he is the bane of the Two Worlds fan-boys, they're too caught in their ignorant haven like imagination that Two Worlds is going to be a grand epic game!

How wrong they are, how right Suislide is!
100% truth.

Except, the installation music is pretty good.


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Re: Two Worlds (Score: 1)
by jimasripper on Saturday, July 05 @ 07:02:49 EDT
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You are right!Tihs game sucks like a bitch!


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Re: Two Worlds (Score: 0)
by Anonymous on Wednesday, December 19 @ 04:42:25 EST
FUCKING STUPID GAME!!!!!!!! FUCK THAT GAME BUNDLE WHICH INCLUDED THIS CRAPPY GAME!!!!!!


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