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The Shield
Posted on Friday, February 02 @ 17:00:27 EST by Suislide
Action Game ReviewsAwesome, a shitty-turd game based off a shitty-turd TV show that I have to suffer through. What idiot took that pile of garbage show and thought it would be a good idea to take it and turn it into the pile of bloody twat turds this game is. Seriously, i had to put The Shield under action games because unfortunately there is no category for ape shit.

Graphics: The graphics are so bad in this fucking pile that it has been reported on the news for blinding thousands of victims. Ok but seriously the graphics in this game just plain fucking suck. They look like they are from fucking 10 years ago. The main character models has a fucking egg head that looks like it connects in the back at a triangle. All the environments are fucking tiny and look and smell of shit. Everything has like 30 polygons total in the whole scene. Then they slapped on that worst looking texture and decided that they were done. Did you know over 30 developers died from diarrhea after making this game? Its true. Seriously these graphics are even shit for a playstation 2 and we all know how crap everything looks on that thing. Every house you go into in this game looks exactly the same and has the worst fucking detail. All the models in the game are dumb. The mass amount of mexicans you seem to encounter are actually the same guy just repeated over and over again. The graphics in this game are just pure crap and everyone hates you.


Sound: Ugh, god dammit this game takes the crown for having the worst fucking theme song ever. If its taken from the TV series then i want to puke because it fucking blows. Then you have to listen to this completley shit dialog which was clearly written by some mexican in his basement after he was passed out after taking too much vicodin. The fucking lines are stupid as hell and say shit like "EH Holmes, you arent a gang just a pretend group" Like what the fuck is that faggot shit? Who the fuck wrote that? I've seen better dialog written in hentai. Then that same phrase will repeat 30 fucking times within a a minute and which will make you want to kick a puppy through a window. Everything about the audio is fucking feces. Ive heard better audio in Cum Guzzlers Dickhole Adventure.


Gameplay: UGH GOD THIS FUCKING GAME SUCKS. So you walk around and fucking find shit in a house in the first mission and play some dumb mini game that is fucking simple and get some random shit. There is also some stupid heat meter because you are a shit head cop who doesn't go by the books. BECAUSE HES A FUCKING FAT REBEL. Seriously the guy in the game looks fucking fat. So you walk around a completley empty house and then shoot a guy. Thats the end of the first mission... what a piece of shit. Then the second mission right like 10 minutes into the game you have to fucking sneak around. WHAT THE FUCK? Are the developers retarded? No one likes stealth missions... no one wants to fucking sneak around... no one wants to escort anything... yet they put these same piles of shit in the game over and over. The AI in this resembles that of a dead turd and the controls are just hideous. The guy in this game controls like a fucking car with no tires on it. GUH its so bad I want to puke up my intestines.


Story: Who knows? I skipped through all the videos and talking sequences because they were so fucking dumb. All that I know is you are shit cop and you do some shit missions to get no where in the game.

The game sucks. The TV show sucks too. 0.5/10

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