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Ghost Recon: Advanced Warfighter
Posted on Monday, May 08 @ 20:18:07 EDT by Suislide
FPS reviewsWell they decided to try it again even though they fucked up number 2. What the fuck is this game? Its not even remotley tactical... hell... its barley even fun. Well here we go another fucking Tom Clancy game.

Graphics: This is about the best part of the game and thats pretty sad. Another victim of retarded developers going HEY GAYZ! LOL OMG! Lets make the fucking graphics look nice but then totally forget to add anything fun because we are cunts! Not just cunts... but rusty cunts (no relation to the baseball player). Ok so the graphics do look pretty damn good and can render a gigantic city all at once (of course it drops the detail down from a distance) but can look nice if you turn up all the details and apply AA. OH wait... putting on AA... who the fuck would ever implement that. The awesomely douche bag developers decided they didnt want to put in anti-alaising so now we are stuck with a jagged piece of shit. The jaggies in this game are ridiculously bad even when you crank up the resolution. Its more jagged that your mothers dirty anus which for some reason has sharp teeth and devours anything that dare enters. Another problem was it wouldnt actually let me set the texture detail to high... way to go... i had to manually edit an xml file to set everything to max detail. The character models are pretty nicely detailed though and there is some nice effects and good city design. The sparks and explosions look extremely well done. Better than cake and you like cake. Because you are a homo. Fag. The textures do look extremely nice in the city as well once you get close up and if you turn up the detail. The main thing is the fucking annoying jaggies that seem to be EVERYWHERE no matter what you do. So the graphics are pretty damn well done.

Sound: The sound isnt too bad either for the gunshots except the machine gun. It sounds like i put some change up my ass then shit it out as hard as possible. The voice acting is also kind of lame as well as the dialouge. And for some reason everyone has a stupid name in this game. "Michael Bardrodgeuz secure the position." Atleast most of the gun shots sound good. A bit tinny but it sounds like an actually gun and the ricochet shots are also done quite well. Explosions sound nice and give off a nice thud to let you know you just killed a man. Which is good. So the sound isnt too bad

Gameplay: This is where the game sucks the pubic hair on the left testicle of a donkey injected with steroids. So you get inserted to the city and given some weapons and a team. You then proceed to walk around from location to location and just kill some dirty mexicans. For some reason mexicans always seem to be causing problems in Clancy games. Which is good because they should be picking fruits for Americans not walking around being terrorist... that is clearly a job for muslims. I tell ya it takes all types. So you walk around the city with your standard controls and shoot things. Of course you get your team and can such things as LOOK THROUGH CAMERA! Big fucking woopidy do! Thats definatley a feature that needs to be impleted considering i used it all of once. Also your guy walks like a fat bitch trying to drag her titties off the ground.... or as most would say really slowly. It isn't that bad once you get used to it but it just seems that he walks that slow just to be "tactical". Speaking of tactical this game is not very much at all. You just run around and duck and shoot and sometimes take cover. I guess thats all it needs to be called tactical but its extremely easy. The enemy AI though is not that bad as they will attempt to take cover and sometimes keep you surpressed. The good enemy AI for some reason did not seem like a good idea to be used for your team. Instead they decided to use Terry Schavios AI. You basically command your team on where you like them to go and then they move there. The problem is they take the shittiest cover and never seem to freaking fire a god damn shot unless you have them facing way out in the fucking open or they stupid cunts get shot at first. They never take good cover automatically. Not to mention whenever i tell them to follow me they never do and im stuck having to move them manually from location to location. Atleast the enemy had good AI in which they would take cover and surpress you. You also get a map in which you can tell your team to move and give them checkpoints. Its almost fucking completley useless. You will probably just end up running them through a group of guys and they will all die. It works better to tell them where to go allthough no one is saying that works all that well. The gameplay in this is just completley average. It has some allright action and firefighting but it gets repetitive and your retarded team makes you want to shoot the neighbors dog then stab your self in the head with its ribs.

Story: HOLY SHIT SOME GUYS FROM SOUTH AMERICA FUCKIN KIDNAPPED THE PRESIDENT!?!?!? WHO WOULD HAVE THOUGHT. Its about time Tom Clancy got off his ass and thought of a BETTER story. Its the same damn shit as always. OMG THE PREISDENT WAS KIDNAPPED. OMG YOUR DUMBASS TEAMMATES IN TROUBLE. Why is it never "Report to the strip club to see some high flying orangatang titty swinging action?" The point is the story is completley lame and just re-hashed crap from other games.

Now the AGEIA physics thing pisses me off as its completley retarded. Here is the first game to support the physics card from AGEIA. Now they can support it but why the fuck should i have to install their stupid drivers just to play the god damn game. No one wants AGEIA drivers. Not to mention the game draws extra particles and other such when using a physics card so it actually slows down the game even though thats not the purpose of the card. What retarded put this in? For some reason all the blocks magically float down slowing after shooting a wall with a grenade... its cool but definatley anything but realistic. Get these shit drivers off my computer.

The firefighting can be allright, graphics are nice, repetitive, gets boring, team Ai sucks. You suck 6/10

Also here is Flaming_Ass_Packets take on the game.. although his opinion doesnt matter as much so you can just ignore it:

oh fuck me. another tom clancy tactical fps/digital pile of shit. nobody cares about co-op and the single player is fucking shit. dont even read this review, even talking shit about this game gives it too much justice. A.I.: ho fuck i have to start on the AI. WORST PILE OF SHIT EVAR! tell a unit to follow you, he just fucking stands there and decides to move 1 step after your 500 miles away like some lazy nigger. tell a unit to move somwhere and lay suppresive fire, he does it like the whooped little bitch that he is but like if an enemy pops out and starts whaling on him hell fucking continue to run to the waypoint like nothing is going on right infront of his ass. WHAT THE FUCK. your units also fucking fire at walls cause theres a guy on the other side... dont expect me to say some funny shit about the AI or some fagg0t shit like that, fuck you. this is all your getting.

gameplay...single player: second worse part of this game, wow a fucking fps where you have to micro manage other units, effectivly cycling through the same 3 key tactical plans arranged in slighlty diffrent ways. tell fag#1 to occupy the enemy, sneak around enemy and kill them. oh wait did i say 3 key tactical plans? cause i ment just one. the enemy AI is far better then your own units AI and if you stumble on some dirty shit and dont want to run away from it like a bitch then you can try and pull the map over and assign all the units to fuck eachother in the ass via waypoints and by the time you set it all up and execute it the enemy AI is closing in for the gay bashing. the action is horrible and slow, you cant fucking jump and your guns feel and act gay.

Sound: fucking average lame shit. the guns sound gay. the fucking machine gun sounds like when you put a quater in a broken gum-ball machine filled with skittles and you turn the knob and 100 skittles fall out, thats what the fucking guns sound like. Grafix: i can milk better gfx out of homeless koreans. the models arent anything special and the textures look like cheap fucking shit. some shit looks allright here and there but then they ruin it with a fucking black triangle laying on the ground thats supposed to represent a peice of trash. what out battlefield 2, here comes GRAWF!!!. *ok here comes the super cool joke that i have to cram in so suislide and monkey think im cool* its like the gfx teams retard bus broke down in the middle of a public library full of radio shack TRS-80 computers and the library had those spinning office chairs that they are normally not allowed to use for safty reasons. and like the supervisor of the retard team was like hitting on this hot librarian and left them alone for 5 mins so they all went wild in these "no no" chairs and when the supervisor got back they had to start work wile dizzy and even further cross eyed. fuck you i dont care if that jokes not funny. i get my funnys elswhere motherfuckers. *opens up an archys comic book*.

physics: sombody please explain to me why these fucking alexis or whatever the fuck they are called drivers are installed, even when you dont have the fucking physics card. ok fuck it, you know what, i dont fucking care. the physics are fucking HIV+ one step from mutating into AIDS. WHY THE FUCK ARE THEY EVEN TRYING TO IMPLAMENT A SEPERATE PHYSICS PROCESSOR WHEN THE PHYSICS ARE CRAP?? oblivion has wayy better physics then this shit, wheres its fucking phsics card drivers? anyways, cartoons from the 1920's have more physics then this shit.

story: some gay shit is going down in mexico and apperently in the future, this country gives a damn.


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Article Rating
Average Score: 2.95
Votes: 22

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Re: Ghost Recon: Advanced Warfighter (Score: 1)
by flaming_ass_packet on Thursday, May 11 @ 05:55:42 EDT
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oh and for the record, we are trash talking the PC version cause well, the xbox360 version looks nicer then your mom after a vat of fat was dumped on her after he recent lipo suction. anything on the 360 looks like fucking sex.

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Re: Ghost Recon: Advanced Warfighter (Score: 1)
by flaming_ass_packet on Thursday, May 11 @ 06:27:54 EDT
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man fuck, wtf. the grafix arent that good, fuck FSAA, the only thing that was done well was the city you parachute in on the first level. but big fucking deal, ive seen more city detail in Grand Theft Caracter Model, the game where you go around and beat the fuck out of game designers, you bash them in a certain part of the head that damages a certain part of their brain that deals with charcter models and then they go on to design Grand Theft Auto. anyways, the charcter models werent that bad, ive seen better *cough* oblivion *cough* dynamic charcters *cough* each diffrent armor you put on essentaly makes you a diffrent highly detailed character. *cough* models ontop of models *cough* fuck you.

anyways, everything is basicly a box enviroment with fucking crap that acts as fillers, throw in a building here a crate there some freeway overpasses wooo. i mean fuck, they could have added some high poly hills and slopes and shit like in bf2, that game is litterd with them, it kind of looks... you know... FUCKING REAL.

anyways the charcter textures kind of fucking suck, well i never set mines on high and without AA it looks like my teamates are wearing a suit of armor with atari's stuck all over them. fucking worse console port ever! they are doing this becuase its a new trend to force PC to look inferiour compared to the xbox360, well right now it is but shit, thats gay. oh well its not like anybody pays for the fucking game on PC anyways thanks to the internet so this is what we deserve i guess huh?

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Re: Ghost Recon: Advanced Warfighter (Score: 1)
by Kalafan on Thursday, May 11 @ 13:26:55 EDT
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I had a feeling that this thing was gonna be subpar in the months leading up to its release. Oh, and Tom Clancy didn't do the (Gay-ass) story, some idiots on the development team are to blame for that. They just figure that putting the name of the "Commies Blow" novelist on a game will make it sell better.

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Re: Ghost Recon: Advanced Warfighter (Score: 1)
by ColonOscopy on Monday, May 22 @ 02:01:26 EDT
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If you've purchased more than one Clancey game, you are a moron and deserve whatever shit you get.

It's a franchise, dimwits. Quit subsidizing it, and don't feed the seagulls when you go to the beach.

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