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Shitty Game Review Bundle Part 2
Posted on Friday, June 19 @ 00:16:14 EDT by Suislide
Site News/General BullshitThat's right! I've played another set of shit fucking barf bag games which are a disgrace to even consider releasing onto society. I'm sick to my fucking stomach that I had to play these games. I am pretty sure that everyone on this site should praise me for my ability to suffer playing through this fucking garbage. Now, some people may question why I am reviewing these and not bigger games like Prototype. One reason, I'm fucking lazy as hell. Someone beat me to the punch and normally I would delete it but I was feeling lazy as fuck. Anyways, this here is a series of fucking terrible barf inducing puke drivel which is an insult to god for being released on society.

Still Life 2: So this is an adventure but right after 10 minutes of fucking playing I uninstalled this turd monster. So apparently someone in a fucking magical town gets murdered and you are looking for some information. The first puzzle you have to figure out was how to get your AC adapater for your laptop. SERIOUSLY? That's the fucking dumbest shit and I knew it would be all down hill from here. And it was! After spending 30 minutes trapped in a fucking dark apartment with shitty fucking graphics. I decided that this game would be better spent underneath my ass as I am taking a shit on it. The puzzles consists of doing normal mundane tasks in real life and just making them severly complicated by having a fucking bullshit excuse why she can't just do something. The story sucks too btw and so does the voice acting. 1/10


Aztaka: Who the fuck decided it was a good idea to make a 2D sidescroller in this day and age. Now first of all, the graphic art is actually pretty well designed and the 2D graphics do look pretty fucking good. The Art design really stands out as it looks almost like each scene is hand painted. However, who gives a shit because the gameplay blows dick chunks out a pussy blender. It has like super light RPG elements such as health and strength but the combat is fucking lame. You run around and press a button to stab shit abunch of times. Oh and you can jump and stuff. You can do stuff like collect souls and use them to grow tree branches but then you realize this game sucks dick and you don't want to run around killing the same shitty fucking plants and monkey's over and over. The puzzles suck and the combat sucks and it almost makes me wonder why I don't have HIV from this. 2/10


4x4 Hummer: This isn't actually a racing game but rather a frustration simulation. You drive around in various Hummer and other GM vehicles in races and time trails. You earn money and can upgrade abunch of shitty parts on your car. Too bad the upgrade interface was designed by a retarded rodent because you won't know what fucking parts you do and don't have. Then the racing itself is LAME. If you ever found it fun to race slow ass clunky vehicles with terrible controls then this is the game for you. Nothing I enjoy more than driving a hummer which has a wider turn than my ass. Oh yeah let's not forget the quality idea of making the cars destructible. There is no visible destruction damage but it happens and then your car just fucking stops and smokes. This happens after driving over a pothole and a bush. This game isn't a racer, but rather a test to try and make someone kill someone. Fucking awful. 1/10


Tunnel Rats: Fucking UWE BOLL and his fucking bullshit. This is game that was design by Uwe Boll and it's the worst fucking game that was ever released EVER. Ok so I install this turd and everything is fine. I then proceed to start a new game. After a painful fucking intro movie about some dude who smokes weed and fucks stupid Vietnamese chicks as I watch a shitty montage of crappy photos pass by. I am introduced to the beginning of the game. Which is in fact a black screen. I never progressed any further because no one has ever fucking played this game so I couldn't find any fucking help ANYWHERE. This game is obviously a shit fest as it can't be fun if all you do is fucking go in shitty brown tunnels. This game sucks 0/10


Delta Force Xtreme 2: This is a fucking joke right? Remember Black Hawk Down? Which was kind of fun and cheesy but yet enjoyable at the same time. This is literally the same fucking game from 5 years ago except shittier. When I say it is the same game I literally mean it's the SAME game. They used all the same shitty assets like weapons and other shit. It's fucking pathetic. The same fucking weapon models, enemy models, and other models from 5 FUCKING YEARS AGO. It looks like absolute dog shit in every respect. The only difference is you literally just run around shooting random people in a level. Don't worry if you fucking die! You can just select a new gun and respawn magically to complete the mission. You literally can't lose. You just run around shooting guys that just stand around doing nothing. This game is a broken version of a game that was made 5 years ago. 0/10

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Re: Shitty Game Review Bundle Part 2: Still Life 2, Aztaka, 4x4 Hummer, Tunnel Rats, (Score: 1)
by berzerker on Friday, June 19 @ 01:52:52 EDT
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I remember Still Life (1) being a decent game, so it's a pity that they screwed up part 2 so badly. Thank god we have our trusted Suishy who can warn us about such crappy games due to his superhuman abilities which allow him to determine that the "story sucks" after playing a game for a mere 30 minutes. This is particularly impressive given the fact that it is an adventure game: those usually have long and complex stories with many twists.

I'm particularly humbled because I'm currently in Gothic 3 for > 30 HOURS and cannot tell anything about the story yet.


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Re: Shitty Game Review Bundle Part 2: Still Life 2, Aztaka, 4x4 Hummer, Tunnel Rats, (Score: 1)
by fhouse on Friday, June 19 @ 11:23:06 EDT
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I agree with Still Life 2, although I've completed the demo only.
The gameplay might be barely alright, but releasing a game in in 2009 that's max and only resolution is 1024x768, should be sentenced with prison.


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Re: Shitty Game Review Bundle Part 2: Still Life 2, Aztaka, 4x4 Hummer, Tunnel Rats, (Score: 1)
by puk on Friday, June 19 @ 15:48:23 EDT
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Uwe Boll, a real legend of the game

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LqW1L78uQMo


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