Let's face the fucking facts here, I am too busy now days to write a billion reviews every month. I've been turning out pretty rapidly lately because all of these games have sucked complete and utter donkey ass. Honestly, half these games no one has even heard of because they are low-budget shit, and no one wants to read a full review on these turd sandwhiches. So instead of boring everyone and myself with four separate reviews for these golden turds, I decided to clump them all in one huge review. First we have 7.62 Calibre which is some low-budget crappy ass action RPG that really doesn't need to exist. Second we have Battlestrike which is probably the worst WWII first person shooter in existence. We also have Death Track Resurrection which belongs in a fucking arcade. Last we have the golden trophy of shitty fucking games which is another Leisure Suit Larry game that Al Lowe had absolutely no part in. I would want no part in this either unless I was planning to kill myself the next day. Anyways, here we go, four complete turds of a game that will make you wonder why you having funneled a gallon of molten tar into your ass.
7.62 Calibre: What the fuck is this game? Someone decided it would be a good idea to combine an RTS, RPG and an third person action game all into one complete package. Well that is a pretty fucking good idea but not when you implement it with the worst fucking controls and game mechanics in existence. Ok, so you are this guy who has to do some shit in this game (I don't really remember to be honest, it was so bad I had to uninstall it after an hour. I am sure you guys will be understanding as it was either that or I kill myself. The story sucks anyways so it wasn't very important. Basically you get a 3rd person top down view of your character and can run around clicking shit and shooting stuff. Well basically this game controls like two retarded children having retard sex. Everything feels clunky and delayed. It takes a second for every control you enter to register. You basically can just run around and shoot people and then get some quests and shoot people in other locations. That's all you do in this turd, and the controls are HIDEOUS. Of course you can level up and change shit, but no one cares because this game sucks. 1/10
Battlestrike: Shadow of Stalingard What the hell is this? It is literally the worst fucking first person shooter on the face of this planet. In this game you play some Russian faggot who has to shoot some Germans. Yeah the story is literally than deep. This game makes my hands feel like their covered in cemet because it controls so fucking bad. You just run around and shoot Germans in random boxy locations. The first problem is the hitboxes suck complete cock, so it takes like 6 to 8 shots to kill a fucking german. What the fuck am I shooting? A robot German? After you get over the fact that it takes too many bullets to kill, you realize the AI sucks dick because the Germans for some reason have this incredibly precise aim that they can hit you with every bullet they fire. WOW THATS FUCKING AMAZING. So you have to cover and let your stupid regenerating health heal yourself. Holy fuck, regenerating health is the fucking stupidest thing in existence. Anyways, the game blows and plays like ass. The only people who would enjoy playing this game are people who enjoy getting their sack stepped on with high heels. 1/10
Death Track Resurrection: This game belongs in the dumpster stuffed up a bum's asshole. It is a racing game that belongs in an arcade. Basically you just race around and can shoot the shit out of everything on the map which seems kind of cool but its a gimmick. It allows you to earn more money and upgrade from Armor level 1 to Armor Level 2 or Engine Level 1 to Engine Level 2 or Weapon Level 1 to Weapon Level 2. Seriously, it is that fucking generic that there isn't any unique weapons or armors, just shitty fucking upgrades. Then you just race around the easiest maps in existence with terrible fucking AI that ALWAYS loses because it is designed like shit. There is actually live action videos and a story in this game which doesn't need to exist because it sucks ass. It is worse than Megarace because that is all it feels like is a 3D megarace. Fuck this game 1/10
Leisure Suit Larry: Box office Bust: This game is the absolute king of turds. Seriously, AL Lowe why did you let this travesty upon America happen? This game is like 9/11 times a billion. It is probably the worst fucking game in existence. So instead of playing an adventure game where you solve puzzles and there is sexual material and subtle jokes abound to create humor, you have a game with stupid fucking jumping puzzles and other mini games. Seriously, there is no actually fucking puzzles, just platforming and other stupid ass mini games that don't need to fucking exist. There is about as much adventure here as figuring out what disease the prostitute gave you. You don't even play Larry Laffer, you play his gay retarded cousin and the story is balls as well. The humor is more juvenile then this website which is fucking pathetic. This game sucks the sweat off my nutsack from 100 yards 1/10