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Flight Simulator X (with FSX: Acceleration)
Posted on Saturday, November 03 @ 15:20:54 EDT by Suislide
Adventure Game ReviewsButtjeebs writes " Service Pack Two, Microcrap's name for a patch- just came out, shipping with the FSX: Acceleration expansion pack. And, some say their performance increased to beyond orgasmic levels, but really most people's performance stayed the same, or actually decreased to the point of the opposite of 'orgasmic levels' is. As for FSX overall, M$ is b(l)ack, and perhaps if they weren't all ruined spoiled piles of half-cooked penises that Michael Jackson got to molest then throw in the microwave, this game would have been better.

Jesus H. Christ Monkey Balls, the graphics fucking suck balls, like Cartman did to Butter's penis in that one South Park episode. The only exception to this fact would be if you are spoiled, like Microsoft's developers are, and have the best computer because you get paid too much, just like them. That's because the frame rates in this game are about as hard to come by as a straight man living in San Francisco. In order to get this thing into acceptable values, you'd have to tweak it so much, that you'd think you're tweeking from doing a line of crack. So, unless you tweak the crap out of the .cfg files, then you are going to be running jerky, more jerky than that faggot clown-man that advertises for Slim Jim. Unless, that is, you turn the graphics all the way down, which would make the original Falcon 4.0 look like Half-Life 2, compared to this game; but at least, then, the frames are somewhat acceptable. Close to the ground in cities, it looks like shit that a monkey grabbed out of its ass, and threw at the ground, then dried it out with a hairdryer. And for the streets, or what was supposed to be, it looks as if the very same monkey took a lighter color of his shit (perhaps after he just ate some Taco Bell and then had cement for dessert) and threw it where the streets should have been. The street's edges look like a drunk gay man drew the boundaries to them, because they are so damn curvy, they also look like Anti-Aliasing was turned down to -150. But, at least the planes and 2d cockpits look good.

This is still a simulation, despite the fact that Microsoft added the missions, so that it would appeal to eleven year olds that still play GUNZ Online. No story though. So, don't expect it to be all that exciting, after all, it is only a civilian flight simulator, nothing to shoot down or anything like that. Other than the missions, that a retard on Ritalin could have made less predictable ("fly a passenger here" and, "fly through this magical green gay box that Elton John on acid painted"), you basically fly around, looking at the shitty graphics, and probably thinking to yourself, "This looks more like my grandmother's vagina than my hometown." This game is almost as fun and has as much variety as riding an escalator at the mall. Then, there is multiplayer, which is excellent, if you like sitting in the control tower at airports, telling eleven year olds that won't stop blowing air into their mic, what to do. Plus, the fact that M$ decided to use the damn GamebuttSpy Arcade for connecting online means that you'll get disconnected every three seconds, no fucking joke. So, you just take off, fly around, and land. Sounds like crap, but it gets a worse; the AI Air Traffic Controllers. These assholes are supposed to 'ensure the safe and expedient flight of all planes', according to the in-game encyclopedia, but all these dumbasses do is slow you down, slower than one of those 'World's Strongest Man' steroid guys trying to pull a truck with his erect penis. For example, you'll be coming straight in for landing, then they'll tell you to enter the traffic pattern, usually Left-Downwind for some reason, probably so they can use their high powered X-ray machines to look at your asshole while you fly over the tower. They are just plain incompetent, worse than a chav who won't get the fuck out of school. For example, you'll request a different approach, because the approach they assigned you is miles out of your way, and just plain flat out retarded, but being chavs they are, they just fucking ignore you.

Actually, this part is the best part, which is sad because most people would still rather just turn on their media player and listen to music, rather than listen to the engine sounds and the robotic-gay-snot-nosed AI Air Traffic Controllers.

A 2.1/10. Which, ironically, just so happens to be the average frames per second of everyone that plays this game (and, yes, it's a fraction)."
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Re: Flight Simulator X (with FSX: Acceleration) (Score: 1)
by ButtJeebs on Wednesday, November 07 @ 15:15:22 EST
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Holy crap, this review is so awesome... I even lost 15 pounds.

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Re: Flight Simulator X (with FSX: Acceleration) (Score: 1)
by berzerker on Wednesday, January 28 @ 03:05:35 EST
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No mention of the DRM here? IIRC FSX can be installed only 2 times (on different hardware). So if you buy a new PC and install again, you cannot sell / lend the game any more.

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