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Rollercoaster Tycoon 3
Posted on Wednesday, October 04 @ 23:55:20 EDT by Suislide
RTS ReviewsD writes "Gay Game

There's a pretty decent general rule behind games - as soon as they get a different developer, they pretty much always suddenly start to suck fucking balls. This has never been more true than in RCT3.

Atari is the fuckup who is responsible for this takeover - anyone who hasn't immediately begun gnashing their teeth must be retarded, because everyone knows that Atari hasn't produced a single good game in the history of time and space, yet somehow survive in a fucked-up manner, just like how Uwe Boll somehow manages to make even more fuckface movies.

Let ze pain begin.

Gameplay

The gameplay is fucking broken. Not fucking broken in the "beta leak of Half Life 2" sense. Broken in the sense of "beta leak of SMARTEY MAN DEREK SMART'S BATTLECRUISER 3000 AD" sense.

The best example of this is rides. For some fucked up reason, Rides in RCT3 do not have ANY sort of popularity whatsoever, no matter how good they are. Even if you managed to get a 20+ excitement ride built, chances are that there'll never be more than 10 people in the queue for it. Wow! It's amazing that Atari can produce AI that is WORSE THAN THE AI IN A GAME CODED IN FUCKING ASSEMBLY LANGUAGE OVER TEN YEARS AGO.

Worse is the 'challenges' that you're assigned in the game, which are more fucking abstract and worthless than the Bloodrayne movie. Worse still is the way half of them are broken. Upon hearing that VIP who had a 'low litter tolerance' was entering my park, I immediately set my retarded cleaners (whom Atari deemed should be fucking worthless unless you spend 350 dollars 'training' them, which becomes huge fun to have to do individually for every single one when your park has 20+ of them) to clean every single speck of trash in the park up.

Guess fucking what? Very Important Homogay (TM) concluded that the park was 'too dirty'. Homogay indeed.

Then there's the interface which isn't just a step back from the original RCT interface but rather a fucking gigantic backlfip for mankind into the abyss of leatherbound midget clusterfucks. The interface in RCT3 has been designed for masochists by masochists, with buttons with labels that are completely meaningless, way too many fucking micromanagement requirements (who gives a fuck what color your QUEUES are, especially given that nobody even fucking ever uses tehm?) and tooltips that take a month to appear.

Graphics
The games' new engine isn't half bad; a definate visual improvement over the original but considering the original is about ten years old now it's not exactly saying much.

However, RCT3 basically tears the still-beating heart out of the original graphics, removing any sort of charm or ... non-gayness that might of been floating around. NPC polycount is also lower than a Gunz Online fans' IQ, which is pretty fuckin' low.

Sound

Kiddifuckingrific. It seems that Atari forgot that a lot of the core audience of the previous RCT games was older than fuckin' 4 and made all the characters in the game have faggot 'michael jackson doing the splits while being hit in the crotch with a sledgehammer' voices. The music is a horrid mix of quasi-music bullfuck that sounds like muscle spasms.

Rating:
1/10"
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Re: Rollercoaster Tycoon 3 (Score: 1)
by jetbot33 on Thursday, October 04 @ 01:00:07 EDT
(User Info | Send a Message)
so true


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