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Rome: Total War
Posted on Wednesday, January 26 @ 21:23:54 EST by Suislide
RTS ReviewsFingerPrick4Diabetes writes "HOE-LEE SHIT!! This game will rock you so hard, your dad will have pains in his nut sack!

Ever wanted to see a bunch of italians kick the living shit out of tall-haired egyptians? Or german barbarians shoot big ass arrows into 7 unlucky fuckers? Well, if your computer has the balls, youll be enjoying these experiences, in the most fashionable togas.

Graphics: First off, this is a big ass game. Someone may be expecting a bunch of cardboard cutouts with three animations to be running around the fields punching holes into each other. Well, if you were, then you are a complete and utter dumbass. The graphics are motha-fuckin crunk, for my brothers out there. The trees and buildings are detailed enough to make me happy and they leave.....SHADOWS *gasp*. When you send youre 5436346356 troops toward the enemy line, dust rises and makes you splurg. Literally. And when large clumps start fighting, you can scroll back and watch the big globs duke it out, or you can get up close and watch the warriors cut eachothers balls off to take back to their motherlands. The detail on people and war machines is awesome and ive run out of things to say about the graphics. They are just really, really "crunk".

Sound: Oh my god, squirt. Hearing the thousands of people and elephants, even pigs if youre into that kind of shit, scream and squeal is breathtaking. The footsteps of soldiers on the move is enough to make the goverment think there was another million man march, not to mention the yelling along with it. The clashes of swords and excriments is riveting and makes feel as if you were there. Ok, not really but they are good nonetheless. The songs are pretty cool, but get really fucking repetative. The sound is the shit to sum it all up.

Gameplay: You are a general for a house and you go around kicking ass and taking names. The campaign is really in depth and somewhat complex, but youll catch on quick. If you dont, you should just let go of the mouse, unplug your computer, and stand in the corner facing the wall for awhile. But, if you are a dumbass, you can create instant battles for your lower brain voltage enjoyment. Controling the large swarms of soldiers and ordering them to ensure the enemy of haveing no future children is fun and exciting. Also, making walls and launching shit thats on fire fall on people gives you a sense of, dignity. Its good for your low self esteem, you lifeless bastard. Anyway, the gameplay is well thought out and funzorz. If youre too far into the pits of command and conquer, you might want to stay away, jackass.

All in all, this is a great strategy game, and is more then worthy of the title "RTS of the Year" 9/10"
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Rome: Total War

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Average Score: 3.26
Votes: 34


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Re: Rome: Total War (Score: 1)
by Suislide on Wednesday, January 26 @ 21:24:52 EST
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Are you a niggy? Crunk is possibly one of the most homo expressions ever


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Re: Rome: Total War (Score: 0)
by Anonymous on Thursday, January 27 @ 14:31:38 EST
This site is a fucking little drop of cummy diaria.
Anyone that thinks that this site is good is a Stupid n00b. I've never seen more suck-ups in my life, EVERYONE worships watever shit comes out of Suislide's cummy mouth. He obviously doesnt know what is good or bad. This guy is most definetly a high school drop out that lives in his mommy's basement, I mean, come on; he cant even spell correctly. He may be a Admin, but a dumb one. If anyone disagrees with what this kid says, he goes "Bla Bla Bla, U doNT NO ANYthing U SUcK CocK u RetaRD!" This guy even edits articles that are submitted to him and changes them so that they worship Half Life 2. GOD DAM!!!! I've never seen a more pathetic n00b in my life. This is why I'm never going to this site again. Ohh Yeah, if you go to Surveys wou will see that everyone hates this site, lol.


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Re: Rome: Total War (Score: 0)
by Anonymous on Friday, January 28 @ 14:31:04 EST
""""well i read this review you have submitted and theres a problem with it. It lacks swearing WHICH IS OK but it also lacks funny and is more like a professional review.. and well.. we just cant have that. Also if you can do console games...then go ahead. I only play PC games mostly"""

This proves that people on this site dont know JACK SHIT about good games.


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Re: Rome: Total War (Score: 1)
by fuhrer on Friday, January 28 @ 19:54:24 EST
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i've never heard the word crunk used in my entire life. anybody that complains about the articles is in the wrong place. these reviews are for really fuckin awesome games (hl2) or insanely homofuckingly gay games (halo2).


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Re: Rome: Total War (Score: 0)
by Anonymous on Thursday, March 24 @ 22:57:06 EST
WTF!!! This Game is Awesome!! S da F up!!


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Re: Rome: Total War (Score: 0)
by Anonymous on Wednesday, May 04 @ 00:02:35 EDT
This game is fun at first, but then it starts to piss you the fuck off when you can't even have your armies leave your cities or theirs a fcking rebellion. What the fck! I want to conquer sht! Then it sucks trying to move your soldiers around cause they act like the stupid fck cavemen they're supposed to represent. Like telling a bunch of iraqis what to do, tell them to go here, instead they go there, tell them to stop and they speed up their car and they try to evade your checkpoint and you shoot up the family stationwagon


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Re: Rome: Total War (Score: 0)
by Anonymous on Saturday, July 16 @ 13:07:16 EDT
Worst game ever by a gay company, creative assembly.


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