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Burnout: Paradise City
Posted on Sunday, May 31 @ 18:44:57 EDT by Suislide
[PS2] Action Game Reviewspuk writes "Not satisfied with fucking up one franchise (Command and Conquer), EA goes ahead and guts another one...

Fuck it feels like an eternity sitting here in Frankfurt airport. If I were to do a review of this airport it would start with 'Hell is the impossibility of comfortable travel'. To help pass the time I'll do a review of Criterion's latest incarnation, Burnout Paradise City: a pathetic attempt to mix racing cars with a sandbox engine. The city doesn't actually look like a paradise (looks like Los Angelas on steroids), it's just that they have that 'take me down to the paradise city' song in there. In fact, I wouldn't be surprised if they did a google search for 'song' and 'city', and Paradise City is the first one that came up. Oh, and in case you're wondering, this game blows.

Graphics: The graphics just look weird. They're not bad, but you can tell they're cheap. The buildings don't have as much detail as they could, and when you get out to the country side, you just start to wonder how it is that Crysis can generate this massive map with multiple oponents, and destructible environments, and this game has one fuckin road and you can't go drive on the grass.

Sound: Fuck me, the music in this game sucks ass. The only good one is Rockstar by N.E.R.D. I like the Girlfriend one by Avril Lavine, but I feel gay just saying that. Thank god you have an option to drop out whatever songs you don't like, so you just get an endless loop of Rockstar. I noticed that the engine sounds were distinctively gayer than they were in Burnout Revenge (the prequel).

Gameplay: Holy shit, what is it with developers going out of their way to incorporate bad elements into sequels? It's like they gutted the previous game, and deliberately fucked me over. The biggest problem with this game is that you can crash into everything. And believe me, you will. You will crash into oncoming traffic, sameway traffic, crossing traffic, parked traffic, a seemingly flat parallel wall, a lamp post inconviently placed at the end of a jump, the ceiling of a parking lot, a pillar placed in the middle of the road for no functional purpose, EVERYTHING. They should've called this game Crash Paradise. And you don't even have the impact time and crashbreaker from Revenge. So when you crash, every 13 seconds, you'll sit there staring at the cut scene which might as well come out from the screen and slap you in the face. Ironically, the crash mode has been taken out of the game, so you don't have as many modes. Traffic check has also been removed because, well, you can no longer check traffic. This is so gay. I'm so mad. Oh, and they don't have split screen. WTF?!?!? My friend is supposed to watch me play? And the idiots over at criterion had the ingenious idea of not rotating the radar with you, so if you're blasting down the street doing $%&! mph, you have to figure out whether east is right or left. And by the time you figure it out, you've already crashed into a car/a wall/ a tree.

Story: I don't think there is any story. Just that you are in some city (for seemingly no reason), and you have to drive around like shit until you get your full license...I think they were trying to do some Tony Hawk angle, but failed miserably.

It's good for the first few hours, but then you crash into every fucking corner of every street until you want to pull your hair out. And there is no split screen, oh and it's impossible to figure out where you are, and where you have to go b/c every street looks the exact same! 6/10"
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Re: Burnout: Paradise City (Score: 1)
by Alez on Monday, June 01 @ 00:47:11 EDT
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"I like the Girlfriend one by Avril Lavine, but I feel gay just saying that"
I feel gayer for liking only that song from the entire sountrack. I guess it's because i imagined Avril Lavigne giving me a blow job inside the car. And also imagining she's in it when i crashed the car and fucked it up real bad.

This game is fucking pointless. The sandbox shit really didn't work. It just felt like an empty, dead game.

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Re: Burnout: Paradise City (Score: 1)
by fhouse on Monday, July 26 @ 05:14:07 EDT
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Yes, the most annoying thing is that game, that it's a bit unfair.

You crash into a racer, you score but when you crash into traffic with the same speed and even arrive on 4 wheels after a failed spin, you get reset.

I understand that totaling a car would be realistic in real life, but it feels unfair.

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Re: Burnout: Paradise City (Score: 1)
by fhouse on Wednesday, September 29 @ 10:28:00 EDT
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It's fun that you can use your webcam in the game.

I started hating this feature when in multiplayer mode later. The game takes mugshots of your opponents when you crash tem.
It was fun until it was me who was crashed by others like 200 times.

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Re: Burnout: Paradise City (Score: 0)
by Anonymous on Thursday, April 05 @ 11:47:25 EDT
1. What's with the homophobic language it's really not necessary in this context or to express annoyance in anything. 2. This review was a little biased (Generally reviews give good and bad points with a conclusion where you can state a balanced closing answer.
3. I do agree about the "not knowing where your supposed to go" thing they probably should have imputed some sort of gps system, but apart from that excellent game your review did not give it justice (posting in 2012 got the ultimate box edition in 2010 played a bit then lost interest got it of the shelf 2 years later and love it).

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Re: Burnout: Paradise City (Score: 0)
by Anonymous on Wednesday, July 25 @ 14:44:04 EDT
hit the nail on the head. couple things that you left out are that every fucking event seems to take you over to the white mountain, so you have to spend 5 mins trying to get back to the downtown core to start another race, only to have the same thing happen. marked man races only seem to have 3 or 4 target destinations. you can take some of the stronger vehicles like the inferno van out and bash your way through cars no problem, bounce off walls no problem, but as soon as you start a road rage or maked man, every little bump will crash you. this game is totally inconsitant, has like 4 listenable songs on the soundtrack, and screws you over ever chance it gets. i dont even know why i buy games from EA anymore, they just make them worse every time a new one comes out.

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