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The Darkness
Posted on Saturday, June 30 @ 23:08:57 EDT by Suislide
[XBOX 360] Action Game Reviewsm9x writes "long awaited, this game beats all of your faggot halo masterchief shit.

this game is quality. where do I begin.

Graphics
I am not sure whether this is the prettiest title out on the 360, but it's definitely on of the top level graphics I've ever seen. this game's probably the best looking fps on the 360, yea that's acceptable. comparing with other genres, DiRT and GOW are probably a tint better, but not much. the graphics are top notch. the textures are so fucking hi-res they make me want to rape cocksmith's mother anally several times a day. they make me so horny. some of the environments look like a damn photo. no shit. the characters kinda have the plastic look sadly, and they aren't the best ones possible. but they're still god damn highdef and awesome like a fistfuck to your sister.

Sounds
sounds are friggin cool. you start off with these dual berettas (or whatever, who gives a shit) and they sound great. so do the other weapon sounds. and props for the voice acting. they hired cunts who did it really professional. everything seems real, and good acted. no downs at all here. the darkness itself (the creature) sounds like your rotten grandpa but hey that's what you'd expect from some alien fuck.

Gameplay
the most innovative shooter on the shit60 so far. you get these darkness powers, you can manifest the darkness and they shoot out of your retarded back like some extra huge two cocks ready to be sucked by niggbuilder. really they do remind me of dicks coming out of your back. ridiculous thought. so anyway, the darkness is plain awesome, cause it's some symbiot shit which can perform different actions.
for example, you can have the right part of the darkness leave you and switch to it in 1st person, and maneuver it all over the place like some disgusting worm, including stealth kills and attacks.
or, you have the demon arm, which is the best thing ever. using it, you shoot another penis out of your 2 penises (???), and it allows you to grab cars or any other obstacle including humans and move them around, swing them, throw them whatever. what's even cooler, you can sting this shit thing through your enemy and he dies almost instantly, allowing you to smack him against cars or whatever sexual anal rape you plan on him.
then there's devouring hearts. you do this to gain new darkness levels of power. these include strength of your attacks and so on. e.g. after devouring 50 hearts, you reached darkness lvl 2 or 3 whatever. goes on like that. and the animation is fucking great, you see one of the darkness penises bite the shit heart out of your enemies corpse and eat it like some freaky bastard.
thing is, the darkness, as the name implies, only "works" in the dark. when you're in light areas, the darkness loses it's energy and un-spawns and sends the extra penis-arms attached to you back into your back to wait for a jackoff. but you can take out any light source (also with your demon arm) and have the darkness manifest again and it automatically restores its energy. it's not limited or anything, you can call it as often as you want, and it doesn't take permanent damage. also, it protects you from bullets for some time.
so, in general, gameplay is good and realistic, you die pretty quickly if shot at and enemies on hardest difficulty aim like bastards. they shoot you right in the fucking face.
additionally you get to spawn minions who are little freaky creatures at certain spawn portals. there are 4 types: berserker, who uses melee attacks such as cutting a humans throat with a saw, or drilling a hammer in their fucking brain, then there's a gunner, a kamikaze blow-up jap, and the lightkiller who takes out all the lights in the area for you. they are nicely animated and do their job even though they die fast and frequent. but you can spawn them anytime again for no "cost".

Story
you're some mafia schmock named Jackie, nephew of the families current "boss" called "Paulie", a fatso rat bastard. and you just turned 21 that day. so, this Paulie sucker sends you to another hit for you to perform, and he sets you up with an ambush and two of your fellas die and you are supposed to die as well, on your birthday. but no way, since the player takes control of Jackie at this point. then you discover the darkness and shit blah. you have some girlfriend as well yet she looks like shit and SHE FUCKING DIES. spoiler'ed it for ya, nigger. she gets shot in the fucking head by Paulie. and there's this corrupt police officer who's teamed up with Paulie to kill you.
anyway, the story is quite cliché if it wasn't for the darkness. I mean, we've seen mafia gangrapes often already. but that's not a bad thing at all. story is entertaining.

Multiplayer
fucking sucks. I can't believe this game's multiplayer is as shitty as halo. cause it's totally dependent on luck and maybe a little timing, not aiming or skill. you play either as soldier with a gun, or as one of the creepy minions. and these minions move ridiculously fast and only have a melee attack. so that's pretty much based on "who mashes buttons faster" cause you'll find yourself pressing attack buttons all over again all the time, without any schematics.

Rating: 9.5/10
this game is bloody awesome sans the shitty multiplayer. if you have a 360, and 60 bucks, go get this game tomorrow it is worth your while. it's setting new standards for shooters on the 360. no stupid ww2 shooter, no future-sci-fi crap, just you and the darkness creature."
Related Links
· [XBOX 360] Action Game Reviews
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Re: The Darkness (Score: 1)
by Mean_M0F0 on Sunday, July 01 @ 13:11:49 EDT
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The review sucked so bad im off to ram my 9 incher in your moms mouth


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Re: The Darkness (Score: 1)
by Kasrkin on Sunday, July 01 @ 19:30:16 EDT
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This vg title is so fucking preadolescent I want to puke and thanks God it hasn't an stupid colon.


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Re: The Darkness (Score: 1)
by jetbot33 on Wednesday, October 03 @ 23:20:01 EDT
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dont review anymore WTF u wouldnt know what funny was even if it came up to you told u wats funny bitch slapped your mom and then raped u with wooden dildo.


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