Assassin's Creed 3
Date: Tuesday, November 27 @ 22:00:57 EST
Topic: Action Game Reviews
HOLY ASS FUCKS, I'M SO BORED. This has to be the most boring fucking game I have ever played and GOD DAMN am I trying. I drank a cup of fully caffeinated coffe and sat down to make it at least an hour into this fucking bore-fest...but alas, I couldn't fucking make it. Ubisoft releases the same fucking game again and follows the same formula they have done already. You know what would have made this game better? If they didn't release four fucking games between this one and gave the series some fucking breathing room. Instead they killed it by ruining everything interesting about it. Read on to learn how Ubisoft ruined their only fucking decent series that they have had in a long time.
I mean, I'm so fucking bored from playing this game that I almost can't even write this review. They should rename the game Boring Creed because they literally made the least challenging, most formulaic game since Call of Shitty. So you start the game, adjust your graphical settings and AWAY YOU GO into the world of Assassin's Bore. So you start off as some smarmy British guy and basically it goes through the entire process of reteaching you the game, because you know, there definitely isn't four previous fucking games before this one. So you kill some guy in a theater and then head to america and hang around on a boat doing fuck all but climbing stupid bullshit. Eventually, you make it to Boston and the city is the lamest fucking pile of garbage that they have ever designed.
Everything is just square boxes, but everything is so split apart that the quick running and jumping in the previous game now seems like its gone. So you start off doing some quests which basically just teach you how to play the game. They ruined the fucking combat in this game completely. The combat was at least a little bit difficult in the previous games but now it is just LEFT CLICK TO WIN, so you just cut people apart and that is it. You also counter by pressing E when it flashes above someone. Basically they tried to pull a fucking Batman Arkham City but failed completely due to the lack of variety and the ease. Now you can kill groups of like 40 people without even getting touched once. You are an invincible mass murderer which has absolutely no challenge facing him at all. Plus you can shoot huge amounts of people without them even running after you. They just fucking stand their idle until you shoot them. I found that the weapons suck dick and you are better just running up to someone and sticking them with the knife no matter where they are.
So ok, they completely ruined the combat within the first hour of the game, but then you chase this Indian chick out into the woods. THESE ARE THE WORST FUCKING AREAS in the game. You just ruin around in the fucking snow and jump around on branches, it is the most boring fucking thing I have ever played. What happened to the huge detailed cities? Why would you replace them with an empty fucking forest with no one in it? So, after a few missions all the sudden the BIG GAME TWIST happens and you find the Smarmy Brit guy that you were playing as is actually a fucking Templar! OH MAI GAWDS, WHAT A TWIST. MY MIND IS BLOWN. I was so shocked by this fucking change of events that I got in my car and ran over the first bitch I saw. So you start playing as Connor now who is some Indian guy with NO FUCKING PERSONALITY AT ALL. He is the single most bland character that I have ever played in a video game, and the sheer fact of this gave me hepatitis C. He has the most boring, flat mono-tone voice ever and is just all around uninteresting and has no story arc. Ezio started out as a young playboy who gets put in a shitty situation and then rises the rank of an Assassin and moves on beyond his revenge. None of the charisma of Ezio is present. Ubisoft kills another franchise by making this boring piece of shit.
So after you get used to the absolutely atrocious combat, the boring character you play, and the boring ass fucking story. Seriously, nothing happens at all in this game...I don't even know why I am playing this. They followed the same damn formula that they did before and introduced NOTHING new to the point where this game just feels like a tedious rehash. Someone told me that the ending is AWFUL and I would like someone to spoil the shitty ending in the comments. The only positive aspect of this game are the graphics which look alright in certain aspects, like the fact that running through the snow actually leaves impacts when you run through and slows you down. But some cool technical features are not enough to save this game which has you doing the same boring missions over and over again that we have already seen before in AC2, AC2: Brotherhood and AC2: Revelations. All of those games were released in the last 2 years. Do not play this turd, it is mediocre across the board and now panders to casual idiots.