Star Wars: The Old Republic
Date: Wednesday, January 18 @ 17:32:52 EST
Topic: RPG Reviews

The ending of Bioware began with Dragon Age 2, which everyone was simply hoping was a fluke. NOT SO. That was just the beginning of the end, Star Wars: The Old Republic is the final blow that Bioware will recieve and hopefully it will be shitty enough to take down EA as well. They sunk a huge amount of money into this turd in hopes to be as successful as WoW thinking that the Star Wars franchise would be enough to keep them afloat. Unfortunately for them, people are tired of the same boring stale ass dick cheese that these companies have been deliverance. So read on about Star Wars: The Old Republic, and how it is the biggest failure since the Titanic!

Let's just come out with it fucking straight up. This game is a WoW-Clone pure and fucking simple, and anyone who denies this is either a fucking idiot fanboy of Bioware, or has never played WoW. Everything in the game is the same as WoW from 2007/2008-era. The skills are nearly identical, combat is the same stupid right click and press a bunch of hot keys crap, all the dungeons are straight up tank and spanks, and pvp is the same valor crap that was in WoW ages ago. However, we are all supposed to be fucking impressed because they put a single player game into an MMORPG! The voice acting is the only fucking thing that Bioware was boasting about but it is fucking boring and pointless in this game filled with mediocre storylines that don't really cause you to even care about the narrative itself. Just look at this:

Intimidating Shout is now fucking Intimidating Roar? The only thing they fucking changed on the skills is the icon, even all the fucking cooldowns are exactly the same. They literally just had an employee play WoW and write down what all the skills do and then transferred them over. For spending nearly $500 million dollars (yeah that's right, $500 fucking million), this screams absolutely lazy to me. They couldn't even think of new skill names or actions for different classes to at least have tanks, healers and such be just SLIGHTLY different from WoW. Instead they just copied it Verbatim. Here is the fucking thing, people have already been playing WoW since 2004 dipshits, they don't want to play it SOME MORE but this time in space.

So moving beyond the shitty ass skills, classes, and combat all being identical to a previous MMORPG which I have already fucking mentioned 500 times now, we look at the graphics. They are fucking HIDEOUS. The worst fucking part is the game looked somewhat OK in the beta because they had high-resolution textures. However, to reduce the size of the game client from over 45-gigs, they took out all the high resolution texutres for the reason being "it might slow down some peoples computers." NO FUCKING SHIT ASSHOLES, that is why PCs have these things called GRAPHICAL options which you can fucking change if the game is running too slow. Now the High-Texture setting in the game does ABSOLUTELY nothing and the game is filled with just absolutely awful looking textures.

Not to mention, the art style is fucking TERRIBLE. Who the hell thought it would be a good idea to go with the little-childish cartoony look that the shitty ass television show on Cartoon Network has? No one likes it. It looks like it was something made for five-year olds and takes away any sort of the grittiness in the visuals that previous Star Wars video games have had. Just look at KOTOR or Jedi Knight 2, both of them look fairly good and have a fairly realistic Star Wars artistic style to them. This game looks like some kid ate a box of fucking fruity pebbles and then released a torrent of shit into his toilet. The worst part of the graphics too is the animations which are lackluster in every form.

The fact fucking is Bioware is a lazy ass developer who has stopped taking the time to craft their games and instead does whatever they can to rush the game out of the door. We saw this with Dragon Age 2 where they decided using the same three areas five hundred fucking times was supposed to create IMMERSIVE and interesting gameplay, when in fact it just bored everyone to fucking tears. They pull the same bullshit in this game by reusing the same model and animations for EVERYONE. The game only contains humanoid models with different skins for their heads and they all have the same animations. Where the fuck was this 500 million dollars going to? George Lucas' fat fucking pocket? Seriously, whoever thought this was a good idea should be shot in the face and put on display in public to realize what a terrible idea this is. We used to be able to play all sorts of different characters in Star Wars Galaxies. Bioware claimed that they didn't put Wookies in because it would be too difficult to animate. I am not even joking.

Basically so far we have established the gameplay is the same stale WoW-Formula which has been around forever. You have your tank classes (Jedi Knight/Sith Warrior), Healer (Jedi Counsular/Sith Inquistor, and then DPS. BORING. Everyone is tired of the same fucking tank and spank dungeons. So how about the most toted feature of this game, the voice acting, dialog and story? ITS BORING. I mainly played through trooper and Jedi Knight, and the voice acting is alright during the main story lines and works perfectly fine there to keep people interested. However, the dialog is complete cheese like a 13 year old boy wrote it saying "OH MAN, WOULDNT IT BE COOL IF THE TROOPERS WENT BAD?!" The story lines follow the same damn stale-ass Bioware formula we have seen five hundred times now. When are we going to get some fresh ideas and not the same ol "Oh man, you were betrayed, BIG SURPRISE, now lets work on various planets to get revenge!" It's BORING. Give me something original, dark and suspenseful like the original Star Wars movies were. Nothing ever seems perilous or dangerous in this game. So the voice acting for all the side quests is fucking POINTLESS. I don't need to hear a five minute exposition on why I need to go fetch XYZ for you. The voice acting, not a bad idea in practice and works ok for the main story parts but side quests? I'm just pressing the space bar to get through the painfully boring voice acting.

The Old Republic is a fucking single player game forced into an MMO world. They took 8 single player story lines, shoved them together as different classes and put them in an "open-world." I have open world in quotes because everything is fucking instanced to hell in this game due to the terrible Hero Engine. I don't know why the fuck Bioware chose to use this garbage engine for the game considering they didn't get a stable release version of it running until SEPTEMBER of 2011. That's right, 5 fucking years ago when Bioware started on this game, they basically have been using a broken version of a garbage engine that no one uses, but I digress. So the expecations set from having single player stories within the MMORPG world would lead you to believe that quests would be more like single player type quests that can be heavily story and dialog involved with multiple character paths. FUCKING NOPE! The game is a single player instanced story that basically gives you an excuse to do MMORPG quests. The quests are the same damn KILL TEN OF X, FETCH FIFTEEN OF Y crap that we have seen for years. Move along folks, nothing fucking innovative here! It is just a single player story tacked onto an MMORPG game that stole all of its elements from World of Warcraft. How fucking lazy Bioware.

Speaking of which, who thought it would be a good fucking idea to INSTANCE MAIN PLANETS. The population (which is already thinning out before the free month is up) is now split across five fucking instances of a planet. Which means, I am looking for a group, I join them, then instead of being into the flashpoint (Code for Dungeon) with them, I have to run all the way back to the main fucking area, teleport to the different instance of the planet and walk all the way back. WHO PUT THIS IN THE FUCKING GAME? FUCK YOU. It is the most awful "feature" in a game that I have ever seen as it eats up so much time just fucking wandering and travelling to get somewhere. Also, there is no LFG-system which has been in WoW for who knows how many fucking years now, instead you have to have to just spam the main chat like a hobo looking for people.

I guess the only thing left to talk about the PVP. With the latest patch, Bioware just fucking broke it all for the Republic! The republic has these turrets which are being destroyed by the Empire and re-spawning instantly which give a ton of valor each, so people on the Empire are now getting the best fucking PVP gear in a few hours when it is supposed to take 6months and upwards of PVPing. Not to mention, the skills are fucking broken in PVP. There is a .5-1.0 second delay on all the skills because the action or button doesn't actually do anything until the STUPID ASS ANIMATION FINISHES PLAYING! It makes PVP fucking clunky and impossible to play because all the skills take longer than the casting bar to actually complete. Another fucking fau paux from Bioware! So now PVP is permanently fucked in favor of the Empire due to the bug, and the animations are broken to begin with. BUT FEAR FUCKING NOT! You can just type dance and suddenly, you are taken out of combat and take no damage! Someone fucked the pooch in his rusty asshole on this game. WHERE DID THE HALF BILLION GO?

There is no endgame content in this game. There is like 4 dungeons and they already easy as shit and most people are farming them. GABRAGE.


All images credit goes to Anon.

This article comes from Video Games Suck

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