Half-Life 2
Date: Thursday, November 18 @ 20:50:16 EST
Topic: FPS reviews


Graphics: Man these graphics fucking rock, to me, this is the best looking game i have seen, and if you dont agree with me... obviously you choke on a big fat cock. Lets start with the sexy ass models. All of them are INCREDIBLE LOOKING, dr kliner, barney, the black dude , and everyones favorite, the hot black chick gordon will shove his HEV ehnaced dick up. I could totally wack and blow my load on the screen thinking its reals. SHE WOULD BE LIKE OH STEVE I LOVE IT. All the animations ON EVERYTHING, models, objects moving from physics, the water EVERYTHING is smooth as hell. Its smoother than my ass after taking a belt sander to it. The textures and everything also kick great ass my friend, GREAT TREMOUNDOUS ASS. They are so high res and incredible looking my god, espically the rocks looked really kick ass. The weapon models fucking rock too, the shotgun looks like im ready to blow someones ass away. The water refractions OMG *blows load*, they are the best looking i have ever seen. Everything is just plain incredible looking, not to mention pixel shaders all over to make it look even better.

Sound: The sound is also fucking incredible. The most noteable to me is the weapon sounds arent fucking pussy. THANK GOD, A GUN ACTUALLY SOUNDS LIKE A BLOWING A LARGE CALIBER HOLE THROUGH SOMEONES TWAT. God the weapon sounds kick ass. The voice acting is fucking incredible, it sounds like they aren't saying pre-scripted bullshit, it sounds like they actually talking to you. When barney said "Now about that beer i owed you" THATS A FUCK YEAH MOMENT. Some of the sounds from the old game where used for the barncle and thats about it... WHO CARES why fuck with perfection... dont fix what isnt broke *cough* Deus Ex 2 *cough hunk of shit*. Man the sound in the game is just plain amazing.

Gameplay: This is the most incredible, funnest gameplay ever created. As soon as barney throws you your crowbar, you know.. its time to beat some ass. The weapons all kick ass, i cant find a single non useful weapon in this game at all. The gravity gun is the greatest thing ever. You can throw almost ANYTHING at guys. Planks of wood, explosives barrels, sharpel from the explosive barrel, cinder blocks, desks, saw blades, paint ANYTHING and its so fucking cool. Cut zombies in half and smash bodies by shooting an engine at them ITS AWESOME. Also dont forget Gordon's incredible crowbar skills. He can fucking throw that thing like Xena Warrio Princess and have it bounce off walls, smash a guy in the face, then catch it with HIS ASS. WHO ELSE CAN DO THAT?... NO ONE. You know have the HEV Mach 5 suit instead of the mach4 so that means you will kick more ass. All the firefights, all the puzzles are just all so cool. The vehicles also kick ass, once you get ATLEAST to the fanboat part you will be like THIS GAME FUCKING KICKS ASS. Flying up ramps and shooting the shit out of helicopters while blowing throw abunch of planks of woods. The physics in this game have never been used like this before. Oh sure Max Payne 2 had physics but they were almost useless in that game. This game i fucking fly up a ramp with a dune buggy POP 2 GUYS WITH THE KICK ASS MAGNUM LAND DO A ROLL GET OUT AND SHOOT TWO MORE AND THEN SHOOT MYSELF. The AI in this game is also the best AI you will ever see, the enemies for once arent stupid. When i was in ravenholem some monsters were coming twoards me and i though Heh, ill just shut the door. Well they fucking hit the door then they jump on the ceiling. MEANWHILE, me going to open the door to blow them away. They bust through the glass ceiling and attacked my ass from behind. Also the combine soldiers couldnt attack me from this one place.. so they fucking walked around to this other platform and shot me. ITS INCREDIBLE. The firefights in this game are just all so awesome, you have to play it just to see it for yourself. The gameplay is just plain amazing.

Story: The G-man wakes you up and then you meet up with barney who takes you to Kleiner and you try a portal experiment which fucks up because of his head crab, then you unleasher into city 17. You then travel from place to place for various. So far i do not really know much of the story because the gaps arent filled in but IM SURE Gabes chunkiness will fill us and and explain everything. This game kicks ass in almost every aspect

Gabe + Computer + Buckets of Chicken wings = Best Game ever 11/10 half life 2

This article comes from Video Games Suck

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