James Bond 007: Legends
Date: Wednesday, November 12 @ 21:06:48 EST
Topic: FPS reviews
Since no one has reviewed this yet (and if they did, fuck them because this is my version), lets review this pile of shit made by Fagtivision, followed by a fuckstorm of swears, READ ON MOTHERFUCKER.
So, this game is already out for a while and hasnt garnered much attenttion, so lets review it, shall we?
*Graphics*: Not very holy shit in most senses, it isnt like its the next Crysis, but they are pretty good, I automatically get an erection whenever I look at most maps, and the enviroments are more varied than CoD: Blops, which means Fagtivision actually put up their shit and made a good fucking effort and tried to make some good graphics, god fucking thanks that so far I havent seen any low-res fuckturd. God fucking damnit!
*Sound*: Holy pieces of atomic dungshit. Lets start with the soundtrack, its so fucking awesome it rips your cunt and impales it with a pole, its badass and fits with the theme (unlike Call of Dooty which plays fucking Skrillex while you are tea bagging aborted fetuses). The gun sounds are ok, the silenced ones sometimes sound like shit, but they are well executed, and while the guns feel like they dont pack any fucking punch and sound like crap, BUT its James Bond, so obviously, 75% of the gun sound development has to go to the fucking silencers.
*THE FUCKING GAMEPLAY (especially on campaign)*: Holy motherfucking fuck, where this game fucking fails horribly, I cant possibly do it in one section, so I gotta divide the text.
Stealth: Holy fucking fuck, you cant drag bodies and there are few ways to hide dead people! who could guess fucking James Bond was a fat arsed couch potato?. It is all about "Kill this asshole and hide him, hope his shitty friends dont come back and if they do, kill them quick and try to hide the bodies".
Combat: You have to be fucking kidding me, your guns deal 10 damage against an enemy, except if its a sniper or a shitgun, in which case they deal 10,5, but the enemy can kill you in two shots, yes, even on fucking easy, you can get killed in the gay ass pussy.
Driving: This is the worst possible feature ever, all the cars in the campaign handle like COMPLETE CUNTFUCK, they control like complete TURDASS, you drift everywhere, and the controls suck like your mom in new year's eve. And dont get me started in the Die Another Day sequence, you gotta activate all your gadgets, including rockets, ice wheels, locking systems and a laser vibrator which is glow in the dark. Its fucking irritating because that scarred cunt Zhao keeps throwing me his gay bombs and that Icarus fag strike keeps making me drift off everywhere. It is madness to try to beat it in one sitting, I had to go through it, at least 20 times (again, after lowering it to Pissy) to get the thing done.
Gadgets: The most dissapointing gadgets ever, you get a shitty radar watch with a toy gun's laser to use against the retarded enemies chinese electronical stuff, a smartphone with a Camera mode to photograph that dirty fuck Blofeld humping a Lion, an Electromagnetic mode which IS actually useful and not to DDoS the FBI, and a Biometric Filter which lets you see which farts are yours and which are the enemies, completely useless.
Story: After recapping five (six counting Skyfall) Bond movies, do you expect me to write this pile of shit? watch the movies yourself you lazy fuck.
Bugs: Yeah, the enemies are standing like autistic Down Syndrome clown while their teammates masturbate to that mental image, nope, not buggy at all
Even though it has got a lot of glaring problems, it will keep you entertained for a loooooong time (since playing at easy is like playing at hard already)
Buy this is you have got spare time