Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Out of the Shadows
Date: Friday, September 06 @ 19:50:00 EDT
Topic: Action Game Reviews
I don't even know that this piece of shit existed until someone gifted it to me on Steam. This is simply one of the worst fucking games I have ever played. Why even bother making this game with the shoestring budget that it had? There is only one explanation for this cumstain and that they thought they could develop a low budget diarrhea pile and then simply use the TMNT name to make a quickbuck off of idiots who thought it might have been cool. Read more if you want to learn about the video game equivalent of putting super glue in your cock.
First of all, this game has some of the worst fucking animations on the planet. Everything looks stiff, clunky and moves like someone animated it by hand 20 minutes before the game had to be released. The graphics in this game are pretty shit overall with awful shitty poo textures everywhere and just abysmal looking environments. Seriously, the first level you attack some China tea house thing and while that has detail, everything else is a empty blob of shit textures in the background.
The very first introduction level was so horrible that I should have just uninstalled the game straight away. Instead, I decided that I want to know what it feels like to get fucked in the ass with no lube, so I kept playing. You start off as shitty ass April, BAD SIGN, and then just run through a generic corridor warehouse pressing space to do EVERYTHING. Duck, jump, squeeze through items, and everything else just press the fucking space bar and the game will play a shitty animation. That sure is amazing!
Finally you get to play as the stupid ninja turtles. Why the fuck does anyone find this concept interesting? I thought it sucked 20 years ago when I was kid and it still sucks shit today. Who gives a fuck about mutant turtles that eat pizza? The worst is when people get all nostalgic about it like it was totally something awesome. IT FUCKING LAME AND YOU ARE LAME FOR LIKING IT. It's the male equivalent of Twilight. Moving along, you play as the turtles and left click does a light attack, right click heavy kick and the center button performs a counter move. The combat is so fucking easy and retardedly clunky at the same time. Your controls are not responsive in the slightest so every-time it comes time to counter, you should pretty much just expect the game to not recognize your commands. This is all you do, btw, walk into lame areas and beat people up with terrible combat. Fuck this game and everything about it.