Date: Monday, June 17 @ 21:04:36 EDT
Topic: Action Game Reviews
Remember Me, more like forget this shit, amirite? For creating a game about memories, the developers sure created one of the most bland and forgetful experience of gaming that I have ever forgotten. This is a game where the story is basically a rip off of Total Recall and it tries so hard to be cool, but fails on everything. I sincerely hope this game bombed for being a shallow and hand-holding piece of shit. If someone starves because they lost their job and could never find work again because this game was a fucking stain on their name, I would be fine with that. I bet you guys don't know what score I'm going to give this game, click Read More to find out!
So this game starts out the way every fucking shitty modern action game starts up. It had sections that consist of 30 seconds of gameplay followed by 6000 minutes of fucking cutscenes. WILL THEY STOP THIS SHIT? Introduce some shit and then LET ME PLAY THE GAME, stop taking control away from me. I want to play and experience the world for myself, not have you shove it into my fucking face every thirty seconds. Look at the beginning of Half-Life, you have control the moment you start and are free to look around on the tram and learn about the environment. You clearly learn that you are on the way to your job while things are going wrong all over. They didn't have to have some fucking edgy cutscene where they explain to you, OH MY GOD YOU GOT HIJACKED AND YOUR MEMORY STOLEN, YOU MUST ESCAPE BEFORE THEY KILLS YOU OH NOOOOOO. At this point, you basically just walk out of a prison after getting your memory wiped and then wait in line until the game tells you to run another direction to watch more shitty fucking cutscenes.
Another thing you will notice about this game is the fucking TERRIBLE FOV. That is right, the FOV is so fucking low in a third-person game that your character takes up half the screen. They created this beautiful world such as the rich and poor parts of Paris but you never get to fucking SEE them because it's always zoomed up two feet away from your ass. Overall, the graphics in this game are pretty asscheese with terrible low resolution textures everywhere and shoddy animations. The city areas do look pretty nice from a distance and create actually a cool world. The cyberpunk version of Paris in the future looks pretty fucking awesome in this game, but you never really get to experience it except in a linear fashion.
Anyways, as you fucking escape and the cutscenes finally stop for five fucking seconds, you are then introduced to the most boring and banal combat system that has ever fucking existed. You put together combos in a menu consisting of damage strikes, healing strikes and mana strikes and use them again your enemies. That would be fine but the combat is so fucking slow and clunky that is painful to use combos. You have to click incredibly slowly and at the right time to get the next sequence in your combo! HOLY DOG DICKS, it is so fucking bad. It feels like Im controlling a brick with tits on it. The worst part is that your combos don't cross over when attacking other enemies, so you have to complete your entire combo on one fucking enemy. DID THEY NOT LEARN FROM THE BATMAN GAMES AND MANY OTHER ACTION GAMES BEFORE IT? It would be infinetly better in the combat area if I could spread my stupid combos across to different enemies but the dipshits at Capcom couldn't think of that. But me, some genius who masturbates to foot porn all day thought of that two fucking seconds into the game. The combat doesn't really get any better throughout the game, you just fight tougher enemies who take longer to kill and build bigger combos. It is a needless system that doesn't add anything to game and it just gets worse as the enemies become sponges later on.
So the only other part to the gameplay are the tomb-raider-ish platforming sequences which are absolutely some of the worst fucking platform. The camera is always up your ass making it constantly change the directions of your fucking controls and irritating the shit out of you in the mean time. Additionally, this game LITERALLY has a fucking arrow for the very next ledge you have to jump to. What am I fucking retarded? I can't figure out where to jump and experiment with attempting to get to the next area? This game literally holds your hand so fucking much that you could be in a coma and beat the game. It treats you like you are FUCKING IDIOT. The only people who are idiots are the fucking dipshits working at Capom developing this shitbox. The platforming is absolutely boring because you always know where to go and it controls just as clunky as the shitty fucking garbage combat.
The only other sequences in the game which are kind of cool are the ones which you must rewrite someones memories. You basically tap into their mind, watch a shitty cutscene and then adjust subtle things in their memories to turn them on your side. It was a decent attempt at something new and using it to change the gameplay, but they don't fucking use it enough and it isn't as deep or detailed as it should be. They should have cut back on the stupid fucking combo fighting system and put more time into effort into developing this. It would have made the game a million fucking times better. Beyond that, the rest of the game you just go and FIGHT THE CORPORATION THAT TOOK YO MEMORIES. They could have put in like a billion plot twists and done something cool but it is pretty much just straight forward FIGHT THE MAN garbage. BORING.