Dead Space 3
Date: Thursday, February 07 @ 20:32:14 EST
Topic: Action Game Reviews
Well they fucking ruined it. Who would have thought that EA creates a new IP and franchise and by the end of the 3rd game, they completely ruined everything about it. This is just another example of a survival horror game turned into another generic boring gears of war clone. The first game wasn't even that survival horrorish but holy shit they really did not give a fuck about any sort of horror atmosphere in this one, they basically turned it into Gears of War except with really fucking awful controls. EA is a fucking terrible company, of which no one should EVER support them and their sad fucking shit like this. Continue reading to find out what they butchered!
So here I am, booting up Dead Space 3 and after all of the videos that they showed for it, I already knew it was going to be a piece of shit. I started playing it, and yep, the game is completely unremarkable in every aspect of the world. It is like looking at a pile of dead hookers and realizing, there is nothing remarkable about this at all. So you start the fucking game as some character who dies five seconds into the game (apparently this is 200 years previously). You just run around and blast necromorphs with your automatic weapon and the animation was fucking HORRIBLE. What the hell happened to the weapon impact in this game? In the first game, it felt like you were doing some SERIOUS fucking damage everytime you blasted limbs off. The hit zones in the first game felt solid allowing you to easily know which areas to target to blast the zombies to fucking pieces. NOT IN THIS GAME. Dismemberment is no longer even fucking necessary and simply just does EXTRA damage. BORING. The limbs just lazily fall off enemies like my boner falls after watching a porn with comedy in it. Seriously, how am I supposed to maintain an erection when someone farts in a porn?
The next major fucking problem is the inventory is now completely useless in this game because inventory management is just too fucking hard for casual turds! Now we have universal ammo so every fucking gun uses the shit god damn shit! Yes, instead of improving the ammo system they just strip it so my saw blades uses the same fucking ammo as my plasma. WHY EVEN HAVE A FUCKING INVENTORY AT THIS POINT? I think it is simply to limit how many medpacks you can carry. They are fucking EVERYWHERE IN THIS GAME. 2 Hours into the game on the hardest difficulty and I CONSTANTLY had over 10 healthpacks and most of the time it was closer to 15. Yeah the game is really fucking scary when I have boatloads of ammo and health which basically make me a fucking juggernaut of destruction.
Again, back to the weapons, they all feel fucking weightless and boring and none of them feel like they have any fucking impact at all. It is so incredibly boring that I had to have my cat scratch my balls each time I was about to fall into a coma. Speaking of the enemies they know all attack you like 15 at time so they turned this into a fucking gallery shooter. The enemies are all the same fucking zombies from the previous game with absolutely nothing new except for HUMAN ENEMIES. Hooray, now we have generic fucking grunts that blast you from behind cover. HOW INTERESTING AND UNIQUE. I was just non-stop blasting weapons with whatever weapons I made at the bench. SPEAKING OF THE FUCKING BENCH, this game has the BIGGEST FUCKING SCAM OF ALL TIME. Microtransactions out the fucking ass.
So the game introduces a bench to allow you to create items. You collect various materials through the linear corridor levels and use it to create said items. However, to get your weapons to any decent fucking state, you have to farm for fucking materials. Everytime you load your game ALL of the fucking crates and boxes reset to allow you to collect more materials. The game basically encourages the fuck out of you to replay the SAME SHITTY levels over and over again to collect materials. Or if you are a SERIOUS COCKSUCKER, you can just buy the fucking materials from EA for real money and make stupid in-game items. YOU HEAR IT. Micro-transactions are the new fucking cheat codes as the cocksucking corporate world sucks another fucking dollar out of your stupid fucking face. If anyone gives them a fucking dime they should be shot in the fucking face as they are too stupid to be any use to society. If you are reading this and paid for materials, kill yourself right now.
The levels in this game are all just bland, delapatated corridors on the various space ships that you travel to with your random crew of people. It really ruins the fucking horror aspects when you are with a huge group of people that are armed to the teeth. Speaking of the story, it is absolutely abysmal. So you are Isaac again, except you never fucking stop talking ruining the atmosphere again, and join with EarthCo or some shit to stop the markers! We need to stop the fucking markers again because some guy wants to use it to kill everyone or something. His motive? NOTHING. The enemy has NO FUCKING MOTIVE other than the marker made him do it. Then they shoehorn in stupid fucking bullshit drama between Isaac and his fucking girlfriend as if ANYONE EVER gave a shit about that. This game is just unremarkable diarrhea that ruined everything interesting about the serious instead of improving it. Go fuck yourself EA.