Far Cry 3
Date: Sunday, December 09 @ 16:39:12 EST
Topic: FPS reviews

Again, another game which isn't terrible but is being WAY overrated by all the faggy mainstream websites out there. Far Cry 2 was fucking ABYSMAL in every respect as it was nothing but brown and repeating the same tasks over and over again. This is the same fucking thing again, but much more refined, more enjoyable but still repetitive. I think they design these games for kids with autism who enjoy repeating the same task OVER and over. Me? I get fucking BORED. The game needs to provide enough variety or a great narrative to continue the story along. This game has some variety but a fucking TERRIBLE narrative and is plagued by Call of Duty bulllshit.

So you start the game and notice that you have install uPlay. ALREADY A POINT FUCKING OFF. What the fuck is this uPlay bullshit and why would I want ANYTHING to do with Ubisoft's gartbage? On the plus side, there are quite abit of graphical options and adjustable FOV. However, the FOV is a fucking slider....what kind of retarded shit is that? GIVE ME THE NUMBER. I want to know exactly what FOV I'm setting everything too you cocksuckers. Anyways, so you start the game and already it has a bad story as you and your lame ass generic Jeresey Shore dick sucking friends go to some island to party. You decide to go parachuting and end up on the island filled with pirates. OH NOES. You end up in jail and one of the main villians Zazz looks at you, and starts rambling on about Pussy Triggers. What the fuck? Who wrote this? A baby? I'm pretty sure they hired some teenager in junior high school to write this stuff. So then you go on this linear bullshit to escape with your brother, and after you escape the game shows you the ropes on what the fuck you can do in the game.

So basically you are given some free roaming on the island and you can capture towers to fill in the map and get weapons, capture check points to reduce patrols and make the area more friendly to you. LUCKILY, they got rid of the bullshit where your car becomes a smoking mess after two bullets, the lame ass fucking weapon degredation. Most importantly they got rid of the SHITTY FUCKING RESPAWNS, the only times enemies respawn is during scripted events but more on that later. For the most part you can travel the fucking island without having to fight the same stupid patrols in narrow corridor like levels now. The environment is pretty fucking expansive and actually has COLOR. So I do praise them for the island design and the improvements on the biggest failures that ruined the game last time. So you can also hunt animals and use their skins to carry more weapons, ammo and other shit, but this gets really tedious and the only ones that really matter are the ammo and weapon pouches, you can forget about everything else.

So after you get the ropes of the game you can start wandering around the island doing side quests or main quests, which ever you choose. The game is basically Assassin's Creed in first person as you literally do all the same shit. There really isn't much to explore because once you reveal the map it shows you were everything is, and getting weapons and shit are all free just from climbing the towers. The side quests are all fucking boring as shit and all the same shit, where you either do some shoot brown people time trial or race against the clock for stupid shit. Or sometimes you have to assassinate a target. Holy shit, did they just get all the developers from Ass Creed 3 to work on this game too and do the exact same shit? There is no point to doing the side quests in this game so don't even fucking bother with it. The main missions on the other hand range from decent to fucking Call of Duty garbage. Some missions let you approach your own way and attack silently or go in guns blazing, but some of them streamline you along a specific path and it fucking ruins that. Not to mention, there are numerous fucking quicktime events for climb and crawling bullshit. KNOCK THIS SHIT OFF. Quicktime events are NOT GAMEPLAY, it is just some shitty way of making a video interactive when you aren't actually doing anything. Let me just prone and crawl through the cave instead of having a stupid fucking Quick Time event.

The main missions where you can approach killing the other brown people on the island are the most interesting and sometimes capturing the bases are depending on how often you do it. Eventually the game just fucking drags on to long (and I hate short games) and becomes tedious from performing the same task. Sneak in here, get item. shoot your way out seems to be the formula for pretty much every mission in the game. The gunplay in the game is actually pretty good as the weapons actually feel like they have weight and it can be satisfying shooting people. Additionally, with upgrades you can hipfire more and don't have to get on the shitty crutch that most games have with ironsights, which are used to slow down gameplay. This at least has a good balance on which way you can approach it. Additionally, the shotguns in this game are fucking meaty and satisfying as hell. The AI is not bad as they will either hide or try to flank you, but they aren't all that smart. At least setting them on fire is pretty entertaining.

Anyways, so the missions simply get fucking tedious after-awhile and it doesn't help your character, Jason Brody, is a whiny little bitch. They have to have him cheering and crying ALL the fucking time and his voice actor is so ANNOYING. It doesn't help that ALL the dialog in this game is just abysmal. Fucking ABYSMAL. I'm pretty sure the writing on the website is better than the fucking material in this game. All your friends do is just whine and cry like spoiled white people and it gets old fast. I don't want to play JERSERY SHORE THE FIRST PERSON SHOOTER. Give me some characters that aren't fucking one dimensional and actually have me care about this. If you actually wanted to save your friends, the tedious missions might be less so as you have an overarching purpose that you actually care about.

The music and story in this game are both atrocious and run of the mill. FORGET CLASSICAL SCORES BRING ON THE WUB WUB. Every fucking song in this game is just some TERRIBLE dubstep. STOP IT. Dubstep fucking blows and if you enjoy that "music'" you probably would also enjoy eating a big bowl of shit. Dubstep is terribly boring and uninteresting and it RUINS the atmosphere in this game. Electronic music can work great in video games but not fucking Dubstep, you can just feel the focus groups coming through from that choice. The story in the game is also incredibly boring as your friends get captured and then you join some island natives who give you OOGA BOOGA MAGICAL POWERS that make you more powerful. That is there shitty explanation for the level-up tattoo system. Then the rest of it just unfolds as you expect with no surprises or anything when you save your friends, and kill the bad guys. So deep. OH BIG SURPRISE WHEN THE NATIVES ON THE ISLAND TRY TO HAVE YOU KILL YOUR FRIENDS. Not. Can't they make shit less obvious in video games? Additionally, the boss fights in this game are SHIT. They are all shitty quicktime events with a knife fight, YOU NEVER ACTUALLY FIGHT THEM. It was so boring that I had to quit after each one. Especially at the end when you kill Hoyt. Two guards had guns on your friend and they somehow died magically and you fight Hoyt one on one. The fuck is going on here? Bring back old school boss fights where IT ACTUALLY LETS ME PLAY THE GAME.

Overall the game isn't terrible and is a huge step up from the first game, it has some decent gunplay and can be somewhat interesting and entertaining at points. They improved many of the criticisms from the first game which helps make it fairly entertaining. The game is marred by problems from the easiness of the game, the boring ass quick time events, the tedious and repetitiveness of the tasks and simply dragging on too fucking long with an uninteresting story.


This article comes from Video Games Suck

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