Video Games Suck - Sleeping Dogs

So Sleeping Dogs is technically a sequel to the previous True Crime games but they didn't get the rights to the name so they gave it a different one. Good. Avoid the blemish those fucking turds put on the name of the game at least pretend like this is something original. Sleeping Dogs is an open-world action game that is pretty much a clone of games like Grand Theft Auto, however, this game is actually pretty fucking good unlike the previous games in the series, and is a fuck-ton more fun than Grand Theft Auto 4. Read on!

So being a GTA-Clone you obviously already know the fucking basics, so I shouldn't have to spell it out. Basically it is an open world game where you can do whatever the fuck you want from running over people, to side quest bullshit, to gunning down police offices because you think you are awesome like Ice Cube. Oh wait, Ice Cube is a faggot now who acts in childrens movies and does terrible commercials. Yeah, that is real fucking gangster Ice Cube. You roam around a recreated Hong Kong in the game, and follow two types of main missions around the game..Police cases and Triad bullshit. Doing these missions fills up your police and triad rank which unlocks more exciting moves and increase weapon damages and kicks and such. There is also a face meter which is increased by doing side quests such as fighting, beating the fuck out of people, chasing them down, and hacking cameras and busting drug dealers who look completely so fucking obvious I don't know why you need a camera.

So that gives you a basic idea about the core of the game so let's move on to the combat. It is pretty fucking satisfying. I always thought the shooting in Grand Theft Auto 3 and 4 was fucking TERRIBLE. GTA4 you basically just sat behind cover and headshotted everyone somehow by blind firing. This game is mainly built off a melee fighting combat system which is pretty fucking satisfying. You beat the shit out of abunch of asain chinks using a light attack, or a heavy attack and combos of both mix up moves. Towards the end of the game you are taking on huge groups of faggots and snapping their arms like twigs and punching and kicking the shit out of them. It is incredible fucking satisfying and never got old throughout the entire game. I loved running in and kicking a guy in the fucking face. You can also throw people on table saws and cut their face apart in a beautiful bloody mess. Also, the enemies and yourself get more covered in blood the more you kick the fuck out of them. It makes it pretty satisfying over. The weapons, while there are only a handful, feel pretty fucking meaty and it definitely is enjoyable. I got a little bit of a murder boner. However, it is a fucking cover shooter at points which makes me think WHY. WHY THE FUCK CAN'T THEY COME UP WITH SOMETHING NEW. I would rather shove a horse pipe up my ass, insert some barb wire, remove the pipe and then rip out the barbed wire than play ANOTHER FUCKING COVER SHOOTER. Luckily, at least you can headshot most people before they ever fucking get near you. Overall, the combat is pretty fucking satisfying.

The main missions in the game are pretty well done as well with the police cases go through multiple stages where you set someone up and then take them the fuck down. It is pretty varied too from street races, to gambling, to other bullshit crimes and you go around shooting people, beating the fuck out of them and racing to take them down. The main part of the game, however, is the triad missions which take you through becoming an elite member of the triad to take them down. The quests are all pretty satisfying where you can free run around the game, over obstacles and and roofs, until you eventually catch up and beat the fuck out of someone. The side quests in the game are also mixed up of the same variety from chasing thieves, to nailing random bitches that you meet up. Unlike Grand Theft Auto 4 bullshit, you just nail bitches then move the fuck on. I felt like Geralt for a moment. Who the hell wants to maintain a fucking girlfriend in a video game? I would rather stab myself in the dick with an icepick. The controls are pretty damn solid as well, combat works fluidly, driving is fucking easy as pie and still feels satisfying and the free running is pretty easy as well.

. So let's talk about the fucking music in the game. Most of it is pretty fucking shitty, abunch of crappy rap tunes to give you that imaginary gangster feel. All the radio stations were pretty boring for the most and didn't really have anything worth a shit in. One aspect where the GTA series has always shined was the radio statations...they also clearly sold the fuck out because there is KERRANG and ROADRUNNER radio stations...obviously someone paid them the fuck off. However, this game gets fucking bonus points for having Opeth in it. Finally. Someone with taste. Nothing gets me pumped like running over and killing pedestrians like some fucking Grand Conjuration.

The story in the game is pretty fucking generic and doesn't really get all that exciting. You simply infiltrate the triads as a cop, move up the ranks of the triad, find out some triads betrayed other triads, then kill everyone involved and go back to regular police work. Nothing fucking surprising here, seems like the standard fare.

The graphics in the game are pretty fucking nice with actually having HIGHER RESOLUTION TEXTURES! They actually gave us different and better assets than the console version and the city looks pretty fucking nice with its huge amount of lights and incredible tall buildings. Hong Kong at night time looks pretty fucking ballin' and the design of the city overall is pretty fucking nice. The animations in the game are solid but what really made my dick hard was the rain. When it rains in the game everything looks pretty fucking impressive.

A pretty fun game overall except for the mediocre storyline.

8/10