Quick Review: Game of Thrones
Date: Saturday, May 26 @ 14:04:51 EDT
Topic: RPG Reviews
This game is fucking bad. We are talking Stage 4 Terminal Cancer bad. I don't think I have ever played such a piss poor fucking game since Dungeon Lords. The reason I am calling this is a quick review is because I only played the game for 30 minutes. It was that fucking terrible that I could not go on any longer. Apparently this shit heap was in development for over 5 years as well from what I read. Why the fuck would a game with such a long development time suck so much dick is beyond the grasp of any human. So read my quick review of this game.
The first thing that fucking pissed me off in this game was the menu system was clearly designed for the Xbox360. I had to click confirm at the bottom of the screen sixty fucking times to do ANYTHING. The text isn't even readily apparent at the bottom as it is quite small. But that is just a minor complaint, after getting into the game I already knew this game was going to be a pile of shit. The graphics are fucking TERRIBLE. The textures are on everything look fucking horrible, like even bad for the Xbox360 which is just beyond belief. I guess they must have made the shitty fucking textures five years ago and never updated them since. Moving on this game features tons of clipping and the most clunky animations since Dungeon Lords. I felt like I was being raped in the eyesocket the entire time while I was looking at this painfully shitty game.
Ok, so the game looks bad but that shouldn't matter if the gameplay is good? RIGHT FAGGOTS? RIGHT! So you will start the game and then be barraged by fucking 30 minutes of fucking cutscenes explaining everything in the world. I am all about learning the lore of the environment but it should be presented in a matter that develops through the gameplay as well. Instead they just have you watch tons of fucking BORING ASS CUTSCENES that I honestly couldn't give a fuck about. So finally I get to some god damn dialog sequences and it just has a shitty dialog wheel with statements THAT ARE COMPLETELY FUCKING DIFFERENT FROM WHAT THE CHARACTER ACTUALLY SAYS. The wheel said something like "Our brother broke the oath" and then my character says something like YOU WILL DIE TRAITOR PIG. It is like LA Noire all over again. Who the fuck designed this garbage? That mother fucker needs to be punched in the teeth.
So really the worst fucking part of this game was the combat, finally it gets to the point where your guy is like "alright recruits come at me, one at a time." As a preface I made a melee character who uses big two-handed swords to kick ass with. So the guy fucking comes at me...then you just click to fill an attack que and IT IS THE SLOWEST FUCKING MOST BORING TURNED BASED COMBAT EVER. Who the fuck thought turn-based combat in a 3rd person game would be a good fucking idea. You get to watch PAINFULLY SLOW and clunky animations from over your characters shoulders. I fucking like turn based combat systems too but this was simply fucking atrocious. It was at this point that I press ALT+F4 as hard I could and uninstalled this shit. I then took my hard drive, put it in a safe, and shot it into the fucking sun so that no one could ever be tainted by this horrible shit again.