Mass Effect 3
Date: Wednesday, March 14 @ 18:32:16 EDT
Topic: Action Game Reviews
This game is causing a fucking shitstorm on the internet and basically has all these companies shitting on their customers/fans. I've been nagging on Bioware for awhile now because they have been fully assimilated into the EA cloud and at this point they are now destroyed. Sorry Bioware, three strikes and you are fucking out. Mass Effect 3 is another step in the WRONG direction and the worst part of it all is that fans are upset. They are upset and EA, Gamestop, IGN, and many other companies are shitting on the customers saying they should shut up and take. Fuck them and Fuck EA. All this shows is how far the EA dollar goes when purchasing review scores. Anyone who denies them purchasing review scores is fucking LYING to themselves at this point. These companies are pure shit. The only decently written articles defending the fans are from Eric Kain who writes for Forbes technology section. More on this later, but click read more and read everything that is wrong with Mass Effect 3.
Explanation of ME2 Review: Now as you may notice, I gave Mass Effect 2 a good review score on my website which was nothing but a fuck up on my part. That's right bitches, I can admit when I'm wrong unlike BiowarEA. When the game was first released, I just fell into the hype train and took it for a ride until the end and then wrote that review. My 2nd play through of ME1/ME2 completely changed my perspective and made me realize some. MASS EFFECT 2 HAS NO FUCKING STORY. None. At all. ME1 brought up some interesting topics and simply needed to refine the RPG and combat elements. ME2 got rid of all of this, the exploration, the rpg elements, the inventory and replaced it with NOTHING. The worst part though is that the is no story to the game at all. You just assemble a team, blow up a reaper that for NO REASON AT ALL looks like a skeleton and then say OMG REAPERS ARE STILL COMING. This didn't advance the fucking plot at all. We didn't learn ANY new information since the first game and basically made everything that happens in ME2 useless. Basically, you just go around solving everyone's daddy issues. And they literally are daddy issues. At this point in time I would give ME2 about a 7 for being somewhat fun to play through but utterly lacking in anything related to a cohesive plot.
More of the Same: So now we move onto Mass Effect 3 which basically has the reapers now attacking Earth and the galaxy and Shepard needs to find a way to stop them. For the most part, the graphics and combat are pretty much identical as the previous title. It is literally just generic Gears of War gameplay with some hot keys for some special skills and does not advance anything in terms of enjoyment and infact takes huge leaps backwards into game design. Everything is wrong with this turd. EVERYTHING. I will explain through it all one by one.
Animations: What the fuck happened? The animations in this game took a huge shit from the previous titles to the point where I laughed my ass off. Sure the game is filled with low resolution textures and designed for consoles, but it looks OK on an overall scale except for the absolute shit animations the game posses. Shepard looks like a retard while he is running without his weapons out, and when Anderson runs, it looks like he is running to the toilet to squeeze out a hot turd. This combined with just the utterly terrible animations in cut scenes which come off as clunky and embarrassing. However, this is just a minor annoyance because the game has much, much bigger problems. I burst out laughing in fucking tears with Conrad Verner dives and catches a bullet. I've never seen such utterly terrible animation in my life. Guess they were too busy with visually capturing the gay sex scenes.
Combat - Bad Design: No one seems to be complaining about this except for me. All of the paid off review sites never bring up ANYTHING about the combat except for how fun it is. IT IS FOR THE FIRST THREE MISSIONS and then after that it is the same repetitive bullshit for the rest of the game. See the game designed now changed to basically establish two zones. Combat zones and then Story Zones. In story zones, you never have a weapon out, and are stuck being unarmed and only then can you go around and talk to people and have a conversation. Then in the combat zones, you just run around either long ass corridor levels of arena style levels. The biggest fucking problem with this garbage is that enemies just respawn. It is fucking bad design. Side missions have you going to an arena which I am pretty sure is a fucking multiplayer map they just shoehorned into the singleplayer and fight re spawning enemies. THIS IS TERRIBLE FUCKING DESIGN. It makes the game fucking BORING and simply makes these missions more of a fucking chore than feeling like you are accomplishing anything. Now the combat main missions have you just going through long corridors fighting respawning enemies. All of screams fucking LAZY and as we know in this day and age is just fucking BAD DESIGN.
See the thing is, the gameplay is supposed to be part of the story, and the story is supposed to be infused with the gameplay. This is the way in which video games best can display storyline and character information to people. Because BiowarEA wants to cater to the dumbest fucking audience possible, they split the two up and create Story Zones and then Combat Zones so that idiots can skip the combat. This is the exact design that gamers feared because it BREAKS the gameplay from the story and ruins the story telling. It just makes the game feel too split apart and presents shit in a way in which no tension can be built.
AI - What AI This game has some of the most atrocious AI in video games that I have ever seen in my life. Forget the respawning enemies and piss poor level design, the enemies just fucking stand around while you shoot them. They don't flank, they don't try to overwhelm you. They just stand around and act as cannon fodder. I had to crank the difficulty up all the way and still found the game fucking way too easy by the end. Maybe this is just the nature of the stupid ass cover based shooter gameplay with regenerating health.
Bad Design Part 2 - Lack of Enemy Variety: This is another fucking thing that i don't get why NO ONE is complaining about. There is such fucking a lack of enemy variety that it just feels like you are shooting the same bullshit over and over. You even know who the fuck you are going to fight before you get there. It is either GETH, CERBERUS TROOPS or HUSKS. Seriously, and they are all separated by what "zone" you are currently in at the time. Basically, as soon as I land on a planet I already know oh its either going to be just Geth enemies or Cerberus troops. What happened to all the other fucking types of enemies I got to fight before? Another piece of laziness and bad design on the part of the developer. Also, the reapers are a huge fucking threat and you only fight ONE OF THEM. You never fight a fucking reaper the entire game except for one on a Geth planet. Finally you learn how to destroy it (relatively easily as well) and then NO ONE BRINGS IT UP AGAIN.
The Writing : Here is the worst fucking part of the game. The writing, while never great for the Mass Effect series, has taken a huge fucking dive into fan-fiction bullshit. STOP IT WITH THE FUCKING ROMANCE BULLSHIT. STOP IT. NO ONE FUCKING CARES ANYMORE ABOUT THIS GARBAGE. YOU FUCKING SHOEHORN IT INTO EVERY GAME AND NO ONE CARES ANYMORE. Seriously, what are they fucking making the game for abunch of weaboos who masturbate to nude pictures of Tali and that other blue alien chick? The romance shit isn't even just involving your main character anymore. Five minutes into the game, someone makes a comment on how hot EDI's voice was. Then you talk to your shuttle pilot and he is crying about how is husband died on Earth. People are talking on the citadel about how she should go lesbian and leave her husband. The worst fucking part though is when EDI becomes a robot and asks for tips on how to date Joker. I literally burst out fucking laughing, LAUGHING when they put in a fucking romance between Joker and the fucking SHIPS AI. SERIOUSLY? What sort of retard wrote this fucking garbage? Then there is the parts where Shepard has some nightmares about some fucking kid dying that he has never met before. OH WOW, FORCED EMOTIONAL SCENE, who the fuck is writing this? Michael Bay?
This isn't even the worst fucking part. Every portion of the game is filled with shit cliches, hammy voice acting and writing so poorly written that you CRINGE. There were so many scenes where I just cringed at how forced and poorly done it is. It is like all the good writers left Bioware and they just employed abunch of fan-fiction writers to fill the shoes. It really made me just want to skip through the dialog to get back to fighting re spawning enemies. Now back to the defeating the reaper on the Geth Planet. SHEPARD NEVER FUCKING TELLS ANYONE HOW HE KILLED IT. Earth is getting buttraped at the moment and the only thing you need to do is shoot it with fucking explosives while its weapon is firing. WHY THE FUCK CAN NO ONE DO THIS? You never see the alliance kill any of the fucking reapers when it is quite clear that it isn't that fucking hard because Shepard DID IT ON FOOT. He never tells Hackett, OH HEY BRO, I took out a fucking reaper, here is how I did it now start winning this war. Who the fuck wrote this garbage? PLOT HOLES GALORE.
Day One DLC with an Important Character Don't let anyone EVER try to fucking justify this or tell you that you can't complain about. The Prothean is central to the fucking plot IN EVERY WAY SHAPE AND FORM. He is absolutely necessary as part of the story and they cut him out, and make you pay 10 extra fucking dollars for allowing you play the finished game. This is why no one fucking likes EA and no one should buy their products when they cut out major portions of the game and sell them to you separately. FUCK YOU. The character also has some of the stupidest voice acting as he sounds like a digitized Jamacian. BOMBACLOT COMMANDA DA REPAS ARE ATTACKIN! Seriously, I'm pretty sure they got the same voice actor for Lil Jacob from GTAIV.
The Ending: This is the biggest fucking FAUX PAS in gaming history that has ever been done. Remember how the game was called MASS EFFECT, inferring that you have effect on the world around you (Kind of like you ACTUALLY do in The Witcher 2?) and they always talked about how your choices matter? Well guess what. They fucking don't. At all. The ending basically takes you to the citadel where some AI controls the reapers with the explaination that, and I'm not fucking kidding:
These former organics created synthetic life to stop organic life which creates synthetic life which destroy organic life.
WHAT? ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME? Not only is this fucking ripped straight from Gurren Lagann, it doesn't even make any fucking sense. AT ALL. Way to shoot a giant fucking plot hole right in the dead center of your fucking game and close the book on the players by smashing a turd between the fucking pages. First of all, why the fuck don't they just destroy the synthetic life and protect humanity? DOESN'T THAT MAKE WAY MORE FUCKING SENSE? Or how about the fucking fact that i just got an AI (EDI) to help me and the Geth are on my side supporting me in this war. That means, that I fucking am already coexisting with synthetic life so their explanation doesn't even make sense. This is just the fucking tip of the iceberg though as it gets even worse. So, I destroyed the reapers, saved Anderson and Shepard is saved at my end. However, the Mass Relays blow up for fucking NO REASON which basically leaves everyone stranded where they currently are but then...
The game comes out to some fucking grandfather talking to his stupid grandson. YEAH THATS RIGHT, IT WAS ALL JUST A FUCKING STORY. This is fucking bad writing 101, as it is basically equivalent to saying it was all just a dream. So what, did this fucking grandfather tell his sone about all the gay alien sex Shepard was having and all the big tentacle dick he took up his ring? Seriously, it just got worse and worse by the minute and blew my fucking mind at how utterly terrible BiowarEA is at writing.
There are not too many redeeming qualities to the game, the writing sucks, the AI blows, the level design is laughable, the ending and the day one DLC are just pissing in the fucking face of your customers.
The Controversy: It is quite clear that EA pays off all the major review websites and they should all be fucking boycotted. People are fucking pissed off at how garbage this game is and getting shafted over the DLC which is ON THE DISK. Just look at the metacritic scores, super high professional reviews but the public opinion is that the game is utter shit in every form possible. Now all these places (Gamestop, Kotaku, IGN, and others) all have fucking articles telling gamers how are they are entitled and shouldn't complain. FUCK YOU FAGGOTS. HOW MUCH CUM FROM THE EA DICK ARE YOU GOING TO SWALLOW? I paid for the fucking game and I have every fucking right to complain about this fucking garbage after sinking money into this shit game. Everyone needs to STOP VISITING THESE WEBSITES. They do nothing but shit on fucking customers and take money from EA and give them positive reviews. It is fucking corrupt bullshit. You don't see fucking movie reviewers giving positive reviews to big titles and taking fucking money from the movie companies. FUCK NO. This is just a gaming thing and it needs to fucking stop. Eric Kain and Forbes seem to be the only fucking decent source who actually FOUGHT AGAINST this bullshit and defended gamers.