Date: Wednesday, February 29 @ 12:30:43 EST
Topic: FPS reviews
This game is the fucking reason that EA is the cancer of gaming and is basically killing the industry by releasing one fucking turd after another. EA decided to resurrect this game series which was pretty damn awesome back in the day and turn it into a generic FPS. My only question is WHY? They could have fucking titled this game ANYTHING. It has NOTHING in common with its predecessors, was barely advertised for, bombed sales wise, and is extremely forgettable. Why the fuck would you bring back a name from an older game, change everything about it, and then create a mediocre game no one will remember a week from today. It just seems so fucking pointless and shows the absolute lack of foresight at EA. They could have given this game a name of ANYTHING. It could be called fucking cybershooter and it would make no difference because that is all it is, generic shooter number 123. Read on for why this game is boring tripe.
I would like to start off this review by stating how fucking OBVIOUS it is that anyone who gives them game anything over a 7 is clearly in EAs fucking pocket. They are sucking the money semen out of EAs cock, places like GiantBomb. You can clearly see from the metacritic scores that the majority of people find this just a completely band and generic shooter, and Giantbomb gives it a perfect score? Yeah, my fucking bloody ripped asshole, this game is anything but perfect unless you have a five year old writing the review (which you probably fucking do because you are a garbage website).
So basically the game gives you a gun you just run around through corridors, until you end up in a slightly larger boxed area where you fight some bad guys, then run through the next corridor until you get to the next box area to fight more bad guys. The level design is fucking appalling as it basically consists of tiny ass areas you move through, just so you can get to the big areas. The levels are maybe 10-15 minutes long at most each and present no fucking challenge at all. The enemies all consist of "Corporation" people XYZ and so everyone just looks like a fucking SWAT team memeber. There is absolutely no fucking variation in any of the guys you kill and you will be bored fucking instantly in 10 minutes. The same thing with the guns. Of course there is a fucking TWO WEAPON LIMIT AS ALWAYS. No one can break free of this stupid ass mold when getting the EA fist rammed up your brown. It doesn't even matter though because all the weapons act the same...oh look, black tinny-sounding automatic weapon! SO UNIQUE AND DIFFERENT. There is like 3 assault rifles that all act the same, a shotgun, minigun, and a laser rifle. That pretty much sums up the SUPER INTERESTING COMBINATION of weapons. Excuse me while I take a fucking nap from the boredom.
OH AND HOLY SHIT> What the fuck is with the bloom in this game? The graphics aren't terrible but I feel like we are back in fucking 2004 with the super bright bloom. You can be looking at a white door in a dark alley and go fucking BLIND because it blooms the fuck out of the whole screen so you can't see shit. Who ever designed that needs to be shot in the fucking face.
Now as soon as you start playing this game you will notice that the fucking CONSTANT quick time events to do fucking ANYTHING. Opening doors, getting up out of a chair, opening a vent, all requires you to pound the F key harder than you pound your dick. FOR NO REASON. Developers, get it through your FUCKING HEAD that quick-time events add NOTHING to do the game. Just let me press the use key and play the animation for him opening the fucking door, I don't want to have constantly have to pound one fucking key. It adds NOTHING to the experience and pretty much just pisses me off. Oh, and amidst all the shooting and generic gunplay, this game of course has regeneration health, so that it poses no fucking challenge whatsoever.
Now the stupid gimmick of the game is that you get your THREE COOL DART POWERS. One basically just knocks a guy down, one causes a guy to explode, and the other just lets a guy fight on your side and then he kills himself. The gimmick runs out fucking quick and you will find yourself having absolutely no use for this bullshit. Oh yeah, so then game has you "hack" everything from doors to enemy armor, except its not fucking hacking, it is just another form of BUTTON-AWESOME. You just hold down the E key and it "deactivates their armor." Wow, so intriguing and interesting, again adding NOTHING to the gameplay but a slight annoyance. Basically,you just run around the whole game shooting enemies with super fucking tinny sounding weapons. Now the gunplay itself is pretty fucking boring as it consists of stupid respawning enemies in rooms, and you just run around and shoot them with automatic weapons. The game pretty much provides ZERO challenge and is incredibly boring.
Also, the AI is fucking retarded in this game. I literally defeated all the bosses by just running around a pillar and they couldn't catch up with me. Who fucking wrote the code for the AI? Big Bird? Also, the level up system is contrived bullshit to give you some illusion of choice...basically at pre-determined points in the game you can get some upgrade points which make you slightly more powerful. It really doesn't fucking matter as it doesn't really change the game.
Also, the story is fucking RETARDED. I guess you were some baby taken by Eurocorp and turned into one of their soldiers. So you fight for Eurocorp, and eventually go after a chick who has gone rogue, but right when you catch her an explosion happens. Then all the sudden the corporation is like OMG YOU BETRAYED US, and then you fight against them. I'm not even fucking kidding, this is EXACTLY what happens. I didn't fucking do anything, how the fuck did I betray anyone? Why the fuck can't this game explain anything? The story is just absolute puke.
Basically when someone made this game they just went down the check list:
-Quick Time Events
-Two Weapon Limit
-Gimmick for FPS
And then they called it a fucking day.