Serious Sam 3: BFE
Date: Monday, December 05 @ 19:03:45 EST
Topic: FPS reviews
Serious Sam is fucking back and this time he is fucking kick ass Serious Sam TFE and TSE style! They realized they fucked up big with that cartoony dick sucking bullshit that was Serious Sam 2. Consoles ruined that game so hard, but this time (as of right now) the game is PC only and back to being fucking awesome! Back to giant fucking maps, thousands of enemies, huge fucking guns, and tons of blood and gore! Read on faggots.
So they have the latest version of the Serious Engine which is 3.5 and the game looks fucking gorgeous. When the enivornment has giant structures and expansive environments in the background, then fills with hundreds of enemies, the explosions, the gore and gibs make the game look fucking damn good. The facial animation blows complete chunks but I am pretty sure that no one is playing the game for any sort of facial animations. The enemies have tons of detail to them and get bloodier and fall apart in different ways depending on how you kill them. I love shooting a gnaar in the face with the double barrel and you see his head dissapear into chunks.
The old classic weapons are all back with the shotgun and the fucking double barrel doing huge damage. The Thompson has been replaced by a more modern m4 type of weapon but essential serves the same purpose. Running around with a sledgehammer and smashing fucking heads is great and gives me a giant boner. I cum everytime I smash a new head in. The minigun and cannon are back and do huge fucking damage and shoot giant fucking cannon balls. There are also some new weapons like the Devestator which is a super awesome grenade launcher type weapon. For some reason the grenades are 100% accurate and shoot super fast but it is fucking awesome for blowing people away.
The game also retains all the classic coop modes, death match and survival gameplay which give it hours and hours of replay value. I just hope someone creates the PARSE ERROR mod for this mother fucker. Hell I'll pay to have super fast weapons and 20,000 enemies attacking all at once.
All the old enemies make a return with beautiful fucking graphics, and so do the giant fucking bosses. The last boss is just as big as the boss in the first encounter and I cut his fucking head off all the same. There are some new enemies such as this fat pudgy fuck that shoots rockets, or this telekenis bitch who is a big pain in my dicksack. Good thing I can blow her fucking face off with a giant cannonball. All the levels are back to being fucking massive in scale (except for the first 3 levels which is meant to be a joke I think). The game retains pretty much the exact same gameplay as the first and second encounter, and it is fun. Also, it is fucking hard. I'm glad they made a fucking game which is actually challenging which seems to be a rare breed now days. Everyone wants to baby it for the dumbest people on the planet. Not in this game. PREPARE FOR HUNDREDS OF DICKS FLYING AT YOU AS YOU HAVE TO BLOW THEM ALL AWAY OR DIE. Serious Sam 3 brings Serious Sam back to what everyone fucking loves.
FORK PARKER MOTHER FUCKER 9/10