Date: Thursday, March 24 @ 21:41:42 EDT
Topic: FPS reviews
So apparently this game is another Call of Duty clone that I never heard of until like a week ago. It was supposed to be super awesome and cool but then I discovered it was made by the guys who made Frontlines: Fuel of War. It was INSTANTLY at that moment that I knew venturing into this game would be like wading through a shit and rotten corpse infested sewer. To my surprise it was actually more like wading through shit and a corpse infested sewer, while someone shoves a funnel in my mouth and pours hydrochloric acid down my throat. In short, this game is a fucking travesty and I want a personal written apology from THQ.
The first bad sign is that as soon as this shit fest was released THQ's stocks dropped like a fucking rock. This should have been an instant sign to me to not waste my time and simply let this one pass by. Instead, I was foolish and decided to purchase this turd and provide my wondrous illustrious insight to the inner workings of the game. This game is a FUCKING PILE OF SHIT. However, the first thing you notice is that there is actually all sorts of graphical options for textures and other effects and even a slider for adjusting FOV. I was surprised and this again raised my hopes from shit-level to being "well maybe it will be playable." These hopes were fucking DASHED instantly once I started the single-play.
So the first thing they give you in the story is some of the stupidest shit I have ever heard. I am all for suspension of disbelief but this was fucking ridiculous. Apparently somehow North Korea and South Korea and then take over Japan and Asia. OH THATS NOT ENOUGH? They then travel over the fucking pacific ocean and somehow conquer all of the United States with super sophisticated technology which can EMP the entire country from a satellite. The only thing you could see on my face was LOL WUT? North KOREA? Are you fucking serious? They couldn't have thought of a better plot than that? North Korea is a fucking shit hole with a population smaller than Canada and the technological ability of my fucking TI-83 calculator. They expect to me to believe that this dump somehow took over the United States with 80 million gun owners and spends more on its military budget than the rest of the world by FAR. North Korea couldn't take over fucking Rhode Island if they tried, they don't even have food to feed their own shitty soldiers.
So after that I thought, MAYBE THE GAMEPLAY WILL BE BETTER. You know me...I'm am a shining example of an optimist. After playing for about 10 minutes I realized that I feel asleep and was actually dreaming about playing a different game altogether. This is some of the worst fucking gameplay known to man. Basically they took COD and rehashed the same game but this time with 1/10th the budget. You just run around shooting soldiers with abunch of different shittty weapons (of which of course you can only carry two of). I don't even know why they have different fucking weapons or soldiers in this game. Everyone goes down in the same amount of hits and all the fucking weapons react EXACTLY the same. It is seriously lame. The only difference between the fucking weapons in this game is the shitty model. The gameplay is the same boring run and gun bullshit that we have seen a million times before in every other game out there that is a COD clone. Furthering this, the game consists of walking around slowly while showing you how everything is shitty with North Korea in charge, and then you run around shoot some Koreans. That is what happens in every fucking level. Also, every level is the same stupid suburban wasteland. I don't like the suburbs now, why the fuck would I want to run around in them? There isn't even any good racism in the game like someone shouting "TAKE THIS YOU CHINK SLOPE MOTHER FUCKER." It really ruined the reality of the whole situation.
Also, what the fuck is with this Quick-Time event ladder climbing bullshit? Why the hell can I not just climb up a ladder like I could in EVERY FUCKING GAME IN EXISTENCE before shitty consoles ruined FPS games. If only they highlighted it in yellow for me too so I would know where to go. Hell, you can't even open a fucking door, you have to wait for the stupid scripted AI to either kick it open or some explosion knocks it down. AWESOME. I love watching everyone do simple fucking tasks for me because I am too inept to OPEN A FUCKING DOOR. LET ME PLAY THE GAME. I DONT WANT TO WATCH IT PLAY ITSELF FOR ME. Who developed the AI for this dog shit too? All the enemies basically just run to a scripted area and then STAND THERE. Sometimes they occasionally duck but they just fucking stand and fire at you even when you have hit them with multiple bullets. Apparently they just copied the code from Super Mario Bros. and put it in this game. I'm pretty sure six fucking years ago we had a game called F.E.A.R. which had enemies who would actually Flank you, climb ladders and hop over railings, and you know...actually provided a fucking challenge.
Hey I think 1993 just called, it wants its graphics back. I didn't mind the art style to the game at all because it had more of a realistic look but holy fucking science, the graphics in this game are puke city. Here is a wonderful screenshot of the game where this gun was floating and spinning around in the air for no reason. Awesome look at how amazing that looks with its terrible textures and piss poor animation. I hope THQ goes out of business. This game is so fucking boring I want to shit my pants.