Mafia II
Date: Saturday, September 25 @ 00:34:22 EDT
Topic: Action Game Reviews

Holy shit. So the first Mafia game was a fucking classy tale of being a mobster and killing other mobster people in the mobster lifestyle. It was a damn good game and the setting was absolutely marvelous. Well this game is a fucking disaster and I cannot believe someone would actually deliver this incomplete and fucking empty game. This game take place in a span of 10 years from the 1940s to the 1950s, however, you barely even get to play the fucking game. It is basically an interactive movie with the occasional shooting sequence. Avoid this turd. This game was like the scene in the Godfather where he wakes up with a horse head in his bed. However, when I woke up there was this game sitting in my bed. Fucking terrifying.

Of course, who would have thought, the graphics are the best part of the game? That's because this game is basically a fucking interactive movie! They spent all this time making a big beautiful city in which you barely fucking explore and barely do anything inside of, just so they could sell you shitty fucking DLC content later which are really just fucking parts that were cut from the initial release. ANY FUCKING WAYS, this game has pretty nice graphics, the textures on everything are pretty damn sharp, and the overall look of Empire city is quite detailed and quite pretty. Everything in the city is unique from the downtown areas, to different more suburban areas. The city is somewhat small in scale though, you feel like you have seen the whole fucking thing about a half hour into the game. There are basically two parts that actually take part of the city. One of them being the snowy part in the 1940s when you first get to the city. This part of the game looks pretty nice, and pretty damn atmospheric if I could say so myself, which I just did. The game switches to the 1950s and everything becomes incredibly more vibrant and colorful looking which still has a good look and feel to it. The characters are also pretty well designed and have quite a bit of detail down to facial expressions. There are also many places you can actually walk inside of which have an excellent look to them as well.

However, that is exactly where the fucking good parts of this game end, is with the graphics. The main thing is the gameplay right? Well there almost isn't any fucking gameplay in this game, you either watch it for 90% of the time and then sometimes shoot a few people. It took me only 9 hours to beat this fecal/cum stain of a game, and most of the time was spent doing nothing. The first mission, you are in World War 2 and you shoot a few people. Next Mission, Joe drives you around and you meet your parents. Third Mission, your friend Joe makes you drive him around places and then you go home. Fourth Mission, you drive around the city, beat up a guy. YOU GET THE FUCKING POINT. All you fucking do is either drive around from point A to point B and then watch abunch of fucking cutscenes in between. Seriously, every mission is filled with like 30 minutes of cutscenes and that is all you do is watch this game. If they just hooked this up in a movie theater, no would be able to tell the difference. What a piece of shit. You seriously play 50 bucks for a fucking interactive movie. EVERYTHING THAT IS COOL HAPPENS IN THE CUTSCENES. You get to play absolutely none of it. There is this DUMB fucking mission where you are stuck in prison getting ass-raped and all you do is just walk from point a to b, CUTSCENCE, and then fight a guy or two. This basically goes on for fucking hours while you sit there wondering if you are ever going to get to play in anything longer than 5 minute spurts which involve driving someones fucking ass across the city.

Occasionally there are a few firefights in the last couple of missions of the game and they are quite fun. Of course, it is your generic cover system crap because of the terrible console control system and they have to cater to those retards. However, the guns and impacts on characters all feel very satisfying. When you shoot a guy it feels like there is actually some weight to it and you blew his fucking guts out and then reveal in his intestines. Too bad, there isn't enough of this except for a few firefights at the end of the game. So is the driving in the game any good since you do it basically the other 50% of the game you aren't watching it? NO. There cars all handle the exact fucking same, and even if you upgrade they aren't any different! Fucking waste of time. Which adds to another point, the money in this game is fucking pointless, you don't need it for weapons, you don't need it for what do you do with it? Maybe buy a suit and that is IT. There is no fucking point.

The AI in this game is also as dumb as bricks. Everyone basically just stands around in cover waiting for you to shoot them. The cops don't act any differently from the mafia guys who you kill. Oh yeah, and escaping the cops? I just put my cat and the fucking keyboard and all the sudden cops were off me. Seriously, you don't have to do ANYTHING even with 4 stars. You can just go in a straight line in a slow ass car and will somehow outrun the cops after killing 50 of them. The vehicle explosions look pretty sweet at least. The friendly AI for Joe and others is also a bag of shit as well. They just stand round and occasionally pop off a shot but they never kill anyone.

Ok so you get it, you don't play 90% of this game but the firefights are cool, there is only one car chase and it lasted me about 30 seconds. The missions don't involve you at all, the characters are lame, and the story is lackluster as well. Oh yeah, the story, HAHAH, what a fucking joke. Everyone is praising it when really there is nothing to it. Seriously, the story consists of your friend getting in with the Mafia to make money, so you do as well. You get caught on a heist and go to jail, and then come back out and do more mafia stuff. Turns out you got screwed over by some family and start working for a different family and then you end up killing all of them and going with some guy you met in Jail. THAT IS THE STORY. Seriously, it sounds more like bad poetry from Lord Byron than anything. Everything in this game just sucks.

This was the best movie I ever played 4/10

This article comes from Video Games Suck

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