Kane and Lynch 2: Dog Days
Date: Thursday, August 19 @ 23:34:19 EDT
Topic: Action Game Reviews
They should rename this game Kane and Lynch 2: Dog Shit. They decided to make a sequel to this fucking horrible cum stain of a game and it is probably one of the worst games that was ever made. I must mention that as I am writing this I currently have a fever caused by this game. I beat the game yesterday, woke up today with sore throat and fever...coincidence? I don't fucking think so, this game was literally so bad it performed a biological attack on my body and I am still trying to fight it off. Anyways, who else is fucking excited to play a faggot bald man and an old turd? No one? Of course...anyways here is Kane and Lynch 2: Dog Shit Days.
Kane and Lynch 2: Dog Days
This game is absolutely ugly as stretching out my veiny ballsack across my computer monitor. When booting up this game you will notice they attempted to go with a unique visual theme in making it look like some faggot is following Kane and Lynch around with a fucking video camera. At first I thought this turd game was overheating my video and causing it to artifact. Too bad this wasn't the case, because if it killed my video card I would have been spared from playing this game. Anyways, this is about the only good idea in the game by making it look like a shitty digital camera following the player but it is implemented like ass. Your eyes will want to tear themselves out from looking at the absolute lack of sharpness presented by this shit. The only thing that this stupid filter does is block out all the shit textures in the game. Thanks to consoles we have a nice smattering of low-resolution textures across the screen and they seriously look shit. The environments in this game are absolutely lackluster in every sense of the word. You move from lame ass areas such as alleys of China, to Buildings of China, to more fucking alleys, and occasionally a shitty looking warehouse. What a waste of time, I got so bored looking at this game because the complete lack of innovation in any sort of aspect The models are also fucking terrible as you fight the same Asian police officer or thug the whole game and there is an absolute lack of variety in every sense of the word. Now I know all Asians look exactly the same but come the fuck on?
The shit environments in this game only lead to absolute ballsack corridor shooter this turd has become. You honestly just run around every fucking level and shoot a bunch of shitty police or thugs and fall asleep nearly slashing your wrists in the process. The word lackluster and diarrhea shit monster doesn't even began to the explain the shittiness of the combat system. First of all, JUST LIKE IN THE FIRST FUCKING GAME, the fucking cover system doesn't even work. In this one you at least stick to objects but it doesn't fucking matter because the bullets from the AI travel right through the objects. Not to mention, the AI has absolutely perfect fucking aim no matter who they are. Thugs with a MAC-10 will lay waste to you from across the fucking map the same as a specially trained police officer or military soldier that you fight later on. This is retarded because as soon as you use these weapons they spray like Peter North all over the fucking place and you don't hit a single fucking thing. So, the levels take place through various areas of china but you can tell exactly where combat will be as all the sudden there are OBVIOUS looking objects to hide behind. You basically just hide behind a fucking object and pop out and shoot a few bullets while you get wasted by the enemy with perfect aim the whole game. The combat is so boring that Pakistan flooded itself so that it would never have to play this shit. It was a pre-emptive flood.
So you only play Kane for the last fucking level for some reason and play bald faggot Lynch the rest of the game. The friendly AI is so incredibly awful that they are basically useless in every sense of the word. Your partner will constantly shoot at a fucking wall or at the floor in front of him when the enemy is standing right next to him blowing you away. You have to deal with this shit constantly throughout the whole game. Not to mention, Kane and Lynch get sliced up at one part and you have to run around fucking naked through like 30% of the game. Who designed this faggot shit?
The sound in this game is absolutely horrendous with a completely forgettable soundtrack and some of the worst dialog. Honestly, half the fucking game Kane and Bald Faggot will be swearing up a storm about random stuff or being attacked and you couldn't care less at all to what anyone has to say. Whoever wrote this dialog should be shot in the face, same as the guy who wrote the story to this game. Seriously, the story consists of Kane and Lynch trying to make a gun deal but they accidently kill some politicians daughter and then get under attack. Every fucking level they are like "WE FINALLY GOT AWAY...WHHHAA? OH NO NOT AGAIN" fucking constantly. You learn nothing of the characters and eventually you contemplate suicide for ever having played this 3 hour campaign. Seriously, its three hours long. You fucking pay 60 dollars for a game that is 3 hours long...you fucking idiots.
They fixed absolutely nothing from the first game and made everything worse. At least no one got fucking fired for tearing this turd apart. Destructiod was pretty tough by giving the game a 1/10 but what a bunch of pussies. I'm giving this game a fucking ZERO because I'm a man and know when a game sucks absolute shit 0/10