Date: Sunday, August 08 @ 01:15:13 EDT
Topic: Action Game Reviews
Hey, how bout you battlefield bad company 2 rivals and all other people read here. I'm sure you'd like to blast the fuck out of this crap.
Hey, I'f you don't like my rating system, go knock a horse's ass for all I care. Here's my review for this load of shit.
Story- Well, FUCK!, there's none. I have to give it a little slack to the fact its and Xbox LIVE Arcade Game (I don't know shit if its on PSN nor do I give shit), but come on, Dice/EA. Its set in 1943, and anyone who didn't figure this out yet is a penis whacking retard. The WWII theme is an old load of donkey shit, as its been applied to too many bad titles (like Hour of Victory of CoD: World at War).
Graphics- OK. Battlefield's graphics are realistic, but everything is COLORFUL OFF THE FUCK CHARTS. The water is too blue and the scenery is too bright, and you can't lower the saturation one fucking bit, so its like you driving and you get blinded by some gay shiny VW Beetle. Especiallyon the "Wake Isand" map.
Sound- the only reason this game doesn't deserve less than a 1/10. Battlefield's sound is almost breakthrough, and has amazing opening music, but this being an XBLA game the sound is a little bit tweaked in a bad way, like your fat mom on lipozemes.
Controls- AWW FUCK! CAN'T YOU JUST LET CHUCK NORRIS KICK MY BALLS WITH A STEEL TOED BOOT OR SOMETHING BETTER THAN THIS TORTURE? I hate this shitty excuse for Shooter controls and matches the gayness of some other Arcade Game controls, like that Small Arms game on XBLA.
Multiplayer- I wish this was like Battlefield: 1942. Remember that classic? You probably don't, unless you are a hardcore PC gamer. Well, there's only three classes to choose from, you can't interchange weapons within each class, and ALL THE GUNS SUCK! For example, The M1A1 has 1% accuracy almost and can't damage for dog dick, and the pistol, oh my fucking god, can't do anything!!! What's worse, Dice/EA were probably jacking off to pictures of Hitler or something while they made the spawning system. Most of the time you spawn, you get shot instantly or run over by some tank. If you even get in a game. Most of the time if you try to join a quick match, it will say "Unable to Connect". Its not just me, my friend, who has the most kick ass connection in my entire county, couldn't connect most of the time. Do I even have to talk about the dong blowing lag?
Overview: Terrible. The only thing good is the sound. If you want to go waste 1200 MS points, go download Castle Crashers or go hang yourself.
2/10... For the music only!