Halo 3: ODST
Date: Thursday, August 05 @ 22:59:20 EDT
Topic: [XBOX 360] Action Game Reviews
Its about fucking time somebody posted a review for this game. I'm pretty sure all you vomit the fuck out of yourselves upon sight of the game I call Gaylo 3: O-STD.
Well, Bungie, It seems to be two things: either you started a porn site or your high as fuck because one thing, this game is definitely not your greatest achievement. Hell, the only reason this shit sold a single copy is because of the Disc 2: Halo 3 Mythic Edition (or my version, Gaylo 3: Meth-ic Edition). Halo 3 even sucks a horny dog dick.
Story: Sorry, no results found for "Halo 3: ODST storyline". Did you mean... "Halo 3: ODST needs a storyline"? FUCK YOU GOOGLE!!! Eh... Ehem... so, there really is a story? Oh, I never noticed. So, pretty much the Covenant is taking the UNSC's dildo collection and screwing it up their asses, and they don't have their golden homo Master Chief to save them, so they have this cock sucking Rookie, who doesn't even talk by the way. You have to reunite with your squad in a series of fucking short ass missions that are played like flashbacks. Also, you have to wander through the fuckass city New Mombasa, assraping any Brutes, Grunts, those little flying douchebag things or god knows what else to get these objectives. Does it sound like any other games to you? This game's story line is an epic fucking fail to the FPS genre. And its almost as confusing as Halo 3's.
Gameplay: Its a Mexican version of Halo 3's gameplay. They took out the Equipment slot and disabled dual-wielding, but Bungie states: "Because ODST's are weaker than Spartans." MY ASSSS!!! Then why can you still tear a 200 pound turret from its fucking stands like in Halo 3? Or highjack a ghost by floating to it? The new night vision (VISR) system at least lets you see a fucking thing in this red light district city of New Mombasa. The two new featured weapons, which are the Silenced SMG and the AutoFag (wait... ehm... I mean AutoMag...), but they still can't kill for a fat ass.
Graphics: I hope anybody else realized that the graphical quality is EXACTLY THE SAME??? Oh my fuckin god I thought I was playing some Halo 2 mod or some garbage like that. Actually, it didn't stay the same, it got a hell of a lot worse. The VISR system is only bad, but anything else can go hang itself.
Sound: Just like Halo 3's. You would fucking think Bungie and Microsoft would update this, BUT NO! Bungie is a bunch of lying pig-fuckers and Microsoft likes to rip you off and steal your money til you have $0 in you bank account, and put them together, you get the Halo series.
Controls: "[yawn] must I repeat? JUST LIKE HALO 3's. [User "downwiththegov" bangs head on his wall]. Can't those scandals at Bungie at least give me a $2 value game?" Yes, its nothing different. The same simple shit from the other Halo's.
Firefight: "In this mode, up to Four ODST's online (or two online) engage in an addictive, fun game mode where you hold out to survive against waves of covenant with you available supplies." Well, first things first, Bungie tries to be like every fucking body else, specifically with the "Horde Mode" from Gears of War 2, which was actually somewhat fun. Bungie just has to keep up with the modern times. In Firefight, you can choose your characters to play as, which are unlocked by completing campaign missions (homo), choose mission-unlocked maps (homo), and start the homo game (homo). Did I mention THERE IS NO MATCHMAKING SYSTEM??? You and three friends have to be playing the game at the same time, so one of you could lag out and ruin the already whore-quality experience called firefight, or your friend has to go to McDonald's and eat 20,000 cheeseburgers, so it ends the game, regardless of who leaves or why they leave. It's just shitty. You fight waves of covenant, and as it progresses, it goes from pussy brutes to fucking invincible hulk-ass grunts which take 20 rockets to kill. I'd rather have Michael Jackson's ghost molest me than play this a ton of times. I bet the only reason you bought ODST was for those motherfucking achievements. And the Halo 3: Mythic Disc which just adds 3 more gay maps to the already blowing multiplayer. They also added three vidmaster achievements for you to unlock the "legendary" Halo 3 Recon Armor (Only fags like Recon Armor).
Conclusion: Bungie really knows how to piss people off. If you want to waste your time playing with something causting $60 for a few hours, go to your nearest big city and pick up a hooker and rape her for all I care. Just back the fuck off ODST.
Final Rating: Negligable/10