Splinter Cell: Conviction
Date: Saturday, July 10 @ 20:22:59 EDT
Topic: Action Game Reviews
Faggotry at it's finest.
Splinter Cell: Conviction is an example of a game that seems to look good from the outside, but when you start to play it feels like razor wire flossing your testicles.
Story: Pretty fucking pathetic. We've all seen those cliche Steven Segal, Jason Bourne, Die Hard, Lethal Weapon, 24, so on and so forth movies and shows about the pissed off super agent wanting to find his daughter or whatever the fuck shitty story we've seen a million and a half times. Well, this is the same thing. You're not missing much. Sam (the main character) is looking for his daughter, and the super secret agency that is better than the FBI, CIA, and Military put together has turned on him and now he wants payback. NO EXCUSE, at least make a game with a story like Point Break or something with Gary Busey to be a little more original at the very least.
Graphics: There are moments when the graphics in this faggoty mess look okay but most of the time look like a shitty console fanfaggots dream (A spics beany diareah mess). The aids to this nigger of graphics is the fucking performance! Why the fuck do okay (at best) graphics make the game run like a nigger on a porch. If a game doesn't look as good as crysis and runs worse you should turn that shit off and set yourself on fire because it is most likely turning you into a nigger. None the less this is all explainable because this game was intended for console gamers, and for whatever the fuck reason games made for the console look bad and run worse for the pc.
The graphics aren't terrible, they are just okay.
Gameplay: This is where the shit really poors on your face. Stealth is the KEY to all of the previous splinter cells. That being said, stealth is POSSIBLE on the previous games. There aren't shitty half assed action sequences that are forced upon you. There were levels of visibilty, and lighting you can manipulate without setting off the A.I. NOT IN THIS FAGGOTY MESS! nope, instead you have a dumbed down piece of shit (intended for console gamers) to fuck around with. No more night vision, no more sneaking through the whole map, no more throwing objects or deactivating for a light for a few seconds with your weapon, and no more whistling to lead your enemy into the opposite direction. Nope instead the game is fucking black and white, LITERALLY! Instead of night vision you fucking stand in ANY shadow and the screen goes greyscale (to show you aren't visible). Now you HAVE to gun down every enemy instead of choosing to sneak by because they dumbed down the gameplay mechanics THAT BAD! Towards the end of the game you have to run through it action style because it's so shittily designed. There is a cover system now which is unneeded because as long as they would have kept the previous stealth system you could have at a better time pacing through the game. So now the game is just as stealthy as Rainbow Six: Vegas, except that the Gunplay is even worse.
All in all they took the gameplay of the old Splinter Cell's, had a fat disgusting homeless trucker brutally rape it's face off and formed this disgusting Garcia of a game
Audio: The game has really shitty sound effects. Firing a rifle is like firing a high powered water pistol. Every game should take a hint from Call of Duty and make a gun sound like one hit will rip the lips right off a nigger.
Michael Ironside is always a phenomenal voice actor, and he was badass in Total Recall. Everyone else sounds mediocre. Again, cliche action movie voice actors. The music, well... what music? Music in a game needs to be existing to stellar in order to deserve a review, if it's just background noise then whatever.
This is a review of the single player, I haven't played the coop nor the multiplayer because I don't give a shit.
Overall: Okay graphics, terrible performance that doesn't even support larger sized resolutions, fuckawful gameplay, faggoty voice acting, and a patheic story. I give this faggot mess, 2/10
I give Michael Ironside 20/10