Transformers: War for Cybertron
Date: Wednesday, July 07 @ 21:32:59 EDT
Topic: Action Game Reviews

Let me preface this review by stating that transformers are fucking gay. People who enjoy transformers are gay. The concept of transformers is purely for faggots who enjoy gay activities. However, out of all that gayness someone has managed to make a decent game which is a fucking miracle in itself. There has never been a good transformers game but some studio actually manage to pull it off with Transformers War for Cybertron. At first, I thought this was some movie bullshit tie-in, but luckily it starts from when the stupid robots were still back on their stupid robot planet and takes place there. Maybe the movies wouldn't have sucked huge black cock if they followed the formula from this game.

Graphics: Now as soon as you start the game you can fucking tell instantly it is using the Unreal Engine 3. This is because of the same fucking glow and weird look that all the games on this engine seem to have. For some reason, no one can move outside this glowy bullshit that every uses on the engine and make something that looks totally unique or doesn't look like its using the same fucking engine. Anyways, the graphics in the game aren't too bad. The environment basically consists of a billion different areas on their robot planet. Most of the insides are just straight corridors or big ass hallways with a very robotic look to them. Outside, you can see the entire city in quite a large landscape and it looks pretty fucking decent. The models for the robots all have sufficient detail and look fairly nice. The effects in the game are also pretty nice when you are blasting the shit out of these robot cocksuckers. Anyways, they really made a detailed cybertron city in the game and it has a unique sci-fi atmosphere. That being said, the game still has a fuckton of low resolution textures because of the shitty xbox360. Regardless, the graphics in the game from a artistically standpoint are all very well designed but the technical aspect is always held back by fucking shitty consoles.

Sound: Finally a game with fucking great sound! The gunshots are loud and sound like you are fucking blowing someone apart, explosions sound huge, and there is plenty of ambiance and noises in the background. It feels like you are playing Call of Duty with the amount of shit that sounds like it is going on with explosions and gunfire constantly roaring up your fucking ass. The dialog is pretty fucking standard with the characters following the same style they did since the dawn of fucking mankind. So you end up with super bullshit cheesey cartoon dialog but it fits the game somewhat well. At least the voice actors who did the voices did a damn good job even with the atrocious pile of shit dialog they were presented with. The music is also quite well done too keeping the game sounding full and thrilling.

Gameplay: So you play as both auto-bots and decepticons in this game in a series of five levels for each side. For reference, both sides are abunch of faggots and humans should nuke their stupid home world. Retarded robots could all be killed with a giant EMP and I would laugh as they died. Anyways, every time a level starts you can choose what class of character you want to play. They all have different special moves, and mutate into different robots but beyond that they are all the fucking same. Of course you have to play Megatron or Optimus Prime. Who the fuck wants to play some sidekick called Bumblebee? He is a fucking midget robot faggot. Anyways, the levels are pretty linear but you go through blasting the shit out of everything in your side and its quite enjoyable. They throw a shit ton of different enemies at you and you get a fuck ton of different weapons you can use from machine guns, shotguns, rocket launchers, or ripping the cannon off from a mounted turret to blow the shit out of robots. The combat is actually pretty fucking fun as these robots all need to die. You run around basically blowing the shit out of everything within your path. The levels each last about an hour and they keep you constantly moving at a good pace. The boss fights were extremely fucking easy though and anyone could do them falling asleep. They do mix up the gameplay abit with some flying missions and you go through space and other areas. The gameplay is fast paced, simple, and is quite fucking enjoyable.

Story: So you start as Megatron trying to steal some dark energon bullshit. Eventually you do and then you basically make your way to core the of the planet and infect and take it over. Optimus goes to core and finds a way to evacuate everyone and then you fucking just kill abunch of shit. The story is pretty simply and kind of boring to be honest. At least the gameplay makes up for it.

This is probably the only acceptable media that is transformers related 8/10

This article comes from Video Games Suck

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